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How to appease relatives for going far away?

JuvenisJuvenis Registered User Posts: 853 Member
edited December 2012 in Parents Forum
I've been accepted to a few colleges already, a couple of which are very affordable, but also very far away. My family and one set of cousins live in Houston, and one of these colleges is in Oregon.

Now, my cousin, whom I dearly love, is VERY uneasy about me going away. She's begging me to stay in state and always tells me how she wishes I'd listen to her when we talk about colleges, insisting that I go to her alma mater in San Antonio, which is still affordable, but I wasn't too impressed when I visited. Though we love each other to death, I've been wanting to see new places and travel because my family can't most of the time, so going out of my state is something I've been dreaming about for quite a while. She says she doesn't get it because I'm still young, and while that's true, I want to make and get the most out of my college experience, which is, quite honestly, possibly the last time I get to keep any degree of carefree-ness before I go to grad/med school. Plus, even if I do stay in state, it's not like I can visit her every weekend; she was in San Antonio and she visited only during Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Spring Break.

So is there any way in convincing her or at least putting her mind at ease about this? While this isn't my finalized decision, there's a good chance it will be. Plus, wherever I go, I promised my family to visit every Christmas and summer, and maybe Thanksgiving if I can.
Post edited by Juvenis on

Replies to: How to appease relatives for going far away?

  • bethievtbethievt Registered User Posts: 6,759 Senior Member
    You owe no explanations to your cousins for going where you want to go to college. It's not like you're going to Mars, for heavens sake!
  • jym626jym626 Registered User Posts: 57,364 Senior Member
    Agree- thank the cousin for her concern, and let them know you will happily skype, email, text or whatever. The world is a much smaller place these days. A cousion who is pressuring you to do what they want because they are uncomfortable with the distance needs to look at her OWN anxiety issues.
  • sally305sally305 Registered User Posts: 7,604 Senior Member
    Wait...this person is an adult and she is applying this pressure to you? All the more reason to stretch your wings. It's obvious you care about her but she needs to grow up.
  • PizzagirlPizzagirl Registered User Posts: 40,488 Senior Member
    What an odd definition of "love" this person has. When you love someone, you want them to be happy and follow their dreams. She's not anywhere near as loving or caring as you think because she's thinking only of herself and how hurt SHE'LL be if she can't see you regularly. A loving person would be happy for you and maybe making excited plans to visit or figure out a way to keep in touch with Skype or email.

    I'm afraid to ask the cultural background here, but this isn't normal behavior between cousins in the US. You don't owe her any reassurance of anything.
  • rushedmomrushedmom Registered User Posts: 629 Member
    Agree with all the above posts.. Something you might also say to her is what was the right school for her, might not be right for you. While you are close with your cousin you are two different people. If where you feel comfortable is in Oregon, let her know how happy that campus makes you feel.
  • frazzled1frazzled1 Registered User Posts: 5,782 Senior Member
    Congrats on the great acceptances so far. I hope you'll take the word "appease" out of your vocabulary, at least when it comes to dealing with extended family members, even ones you're quite fond of. This is your life. If you and your parents have the financial issues worked out, you can go to any college you choose. Think far into your future - would you feel you owed your cousin an explanation for the person you choose to marry or the job you eventually find? What if these choices take you far from home?

    Your circumstances may change even while you're in school, and it might be difficult to keep your promise to visit during summers and at Christmas if you study abroad, take an internship, etc. Family relationships are important - and so are you. :)
  • jandjdadjandjdad Registered User Posts: 532 Member
    I came across a quote recently that applies to children and this situation,
    "We give them roots and then we give them wings."
    You don't owe cousins any explanations. People who go away to college learn to be more independent and that is a skill that will serve you well for the rest of your life........
  • JuvenisJuvenis Registered User Posts: 853 Member
    Thank you so much, guys! I think the best thing I can do for her now is to spend as much time as I can with her while I still have the chance and make these next 7 months great.
  • ThePhoenixForceThePhoenixForce Registered User Posts: 242 Junior Member
    Go where you want, you can always skype.
  • ProudpatriotProudpatriot Registered User Posts: 1,549 Senior Member
    There is no need to appease your extended family. It is your life. Good luck!
  • momof3greatgirlsmomof3greatgirls Registered User Posts: 817 Member
    If she loves you, than she should be very supportive. With the ability to call cheaply now a days, there is no reason for you not going away. Besides she only visit on holidays anyways. You could be home for most her visits.
  • HuntHunt Registered User Posts: 26,918 Senior Member
    If your cousin has already graduated, suggest that she move to Oregon to be near you. Or if she's still in college, she could transfer. That's just as reasonable as what she is saying.
This discussion has been closed.