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time mag article "Sexual Assault Crisis on American campuses"

soonmtnestsoonmtnest 223 replies12 threads Junior Member
edited June 2014 in Parents Forum
Well, this is scary, when I am about to send my D off to college. What are some ways for us parents to help our daughters not become this statistic? Obviously, no drinking, or no heavy drinking, watch your drink, and never drink the "frat punch".
What am I missing?

[note added] The article is covered here: http://time.com/100542/the-sexual-assault-crisis-on-american-campuses/
edited June 2014
1181 replies
Post edited by CCadmin_Sorin on
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Replies to: time mag article "Sexual Assault Crisis on American campuses"

  • romanigypsyeyesromanigypsyeyes 34198 replies770 threads Senior Member
    edited May 2014
    There is no sure fire way to avoid sexual assaults. The only way to do that would be to teach assailants how now to assault... but that's not happening any time soon.

    I despise telling women and men how "not to get assaulted" but since you specifically asked (and because you cannot control how others raise their children): yes to everything you said (though no drinking is not realistic), along with trying to have sober friends around that watch out for each other, always travel in groups, travel on well lit paths and never be afraid to just leave an uncomfortable situation. Being aware of your surroundings and knowing how to assert yourself and leave a situation are always very important.

    Taking a self defense class and carrying pepper spray is another good way to protect yourself (that goes beyond sexual assaults).

    Remember that MOST women (and men) do not experience sexual assaults. There is at least some comfort in that.
    edited May 2014
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  • soonmtnestsoonmtnest 223 replies12 threads Junior Member
    I agree that most people do not experience assualts in general, and I am not of a paranoid nature, but I would just like to make sure my D is as prepared as possible. If I had a S going to college,, I would have him watch out for young ladies who are way too drunk, and have him treat them as he would a family member,
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  • Niquii77Niquii77 9994 replies110 threads Senior Member
    "Don't drink what he gives you, no matter how cute he is."
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  • BestfriendsgirlBestfriendsgirl 931 replies4 threads Member
    edited May 2014
    It saddens me deeply that we teach our daughters many ways to not be assaulted but do not teach our sons not to assault women.
    I am the mother of two sons - one just out of college and one just out of high school and heading for college in the fall - and yes, my H and I have taught them not to assault women. Just sayin ....
    ETA: In a perfect world, no one would have to be taught not to assault anyone. But it is not a perfect world and college students - male and female - need to be prepared to be responsibile for themselves and look out for those around them as well.
    edited May 2014
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  • BTMellBTMell 1213 replies19 threads Senior Member
    ^^^ Same. From a very early age we taught both our boys that No *always* means No.
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  • Niquii77Niquii77 9994 replies110 threads Senior Member
    saintfan, that's a good video. Question, how do you know if someone isn't supposed to be going home with that person? Like in the scenario with "The Stranger", how are you supposed to know if a couple macking it up on the wall isn't genuine?
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  • saintfansaintfan 8182 replies92 threads Senior Member
    There was an incident this winter at the University of Oregon involving a young woman and several basketball players. I read the police report and the whole thing is horrible and sad from beginning to end. (warning on the report if you seek it out - not posting) Part of what I got out of it was that the young woman had warped (to me) ideas about what happens or should happen at college and the young men involved had this idea that it was all OK until she cried when they say they stopped. At one point in her statement she says something to the effect of "I thought that's what went on in college". There was a whole series of people throughout the evening who could/should have stepped in and didn't for whatever reason and points at which everyone directly involved could have taken a different course. Reading it, I felt like what people call the "rape culture" includes all those baby steps and points along the way where a host of people decide either consciously or through inaction that what's happening is normal and OK. One of the unsettling parts of this is that young women also need to shift how they are thinking and how much they conform to what they think the cultural expectations are.
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  • Niquii77Niquii77 9994 replies110 threads Senior Member
    So there is no way?
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  • saintfansaintfan 8182 replies92 threads Senior Member
    ???? What do you mean?
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  • saintfansaintfan 8182 replies92 threads Senior Member
    I don't know how you are supposed to know - there is gray for sure but there are times when a person can tell that something isn't right and maybe just asking or taking some action can let a person "come up for air" and take a different course. You have to be willing to risk looking like an idiot or having both parties tell you to F-off and mind your own business. It takes some willingness to stick your neck out.
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  • ECmotherx2ECmotherx2 2303 replies11 threads Senior Member
    Trust and follow your instincts. Don't be afraid to say no or leave a situation quickly or report something. For young women, learn to be strong and not be afraid that someone won't like you if you don't go along with something that makes you feel uncomfortable. Does the college or university have something like Alcohol Edu or similar program. What is the culture on campus and are there supports in place for anonoymous reporting. What is the response to a report of sexual misconduct or assault. Is there a crisis or rapid response team on campus. How is bullying handled on campus? Use the buddy system and make sure one person does not drink alcohol for the evening, something like a designated driver. Be aware of your surroundings. Don't be the only female or male in a room with a closed door.
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  • AmericanHopeeAmericanHopee 368 replies13 threads Member
    Something I wish someone had told me: A) Don't go into a room by yourself and lock the door with someone
    1) you have known for less than 4 weeks
    2) you do not trust
    3) who makes allusions all the time
    4) who is drunk.

    B) just because you are in a relationship with someone you do not have to be sexually available at their will. If they behave that way, DUMP THEM.
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  • ucbalumnusucbalumnus 82702 replies738 threads Senior Member
    edited May 2014
    BTMell wrote:
    From a very early age we taught both our boys that No *always* means No.

    All other answers other than a clear "yes" from someone who is sober and fully capable of making a consent decision mean "no" as well.

    But that only protects the parties in question from murky questionable consent situations. A predatory rapist won't stop because someone told him to stop (and may try to get the victim drunk or drugged enough to not be able to resist or give a useful testimony to police or courts if it comes to that).
    edited May 2014
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  • HuntHunt 26787 replies131 threads Senior Member
    edited May 2014
    But that only protects the parties in question from murky questionable consent situations. A predatory rapist won't stop because someone told him to stop (and may try to get the victim drunk or drugged enough to not be able to resist or give a useful testimony to police or courts if it comes to that).
    I have become persuaded that a substantial portion of campus sexual assaults are committed by serial predators, and they can only be restrained by the actions of others, not by teaching them anything. So I think both women and men need to learn about predatory behavior, and how to identify it and how to protect yourself (and others) from it. I think having other people to look out for you is by far the best protection.
    edited May 2014
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  • Niquii77Niquii77 9994 replies110 threads Senior Member
    I never fully understood the "Teach your boys not to rape." counterpoint I've seen on posters through my campus. Is there no accountability for women, as well? Are women not responsible for their safety? I'm sure someone will point at me and say, "You're victim blaming!" But the way I see it is there are both sides that can be educated. Men and women. Men: look out for your friends, don't go after someone who is intoxicated or unable to respond to you, if you notice someone who has had too much, get them home safely or to those who can help them. Women: use the buddy system, watch your drink from the time it's poured until you finish it and if you put it down, get a new one, don't walk in poorly lit areas, travel with those you know well.

    Pointing the finger and saying, "Don't do this." is not the answer. It must be a collaborative effort.
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