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Articles: Expert Advice
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Common versus uncommon parental restrictions on college choices
ucbalumnus
Registered User Posts: 76,633 Senior Member
We know that, for a "traditional" student attending college soon after high school graduation, parents have absolute veto power over the student's college choice, unless the student gets a full ride merit scholarship.
But what actual restrictions do parents tend to place on students' college choices? (Mentioning such restrictions does not necessarily mean approval.)
* Baseline affordability is an obvious restriction. However, we do see lots of sad stories in April from situations where this was not discussed or mentioned until the student has a bunch of acceptances that are too expensive.
* Location appears to be a common one, since it appears that many parents do not want their college student kids to go far from home. Some parents want the student to stay home and commute, even if a more distant school is less expensive overall.
* Parents preferring high prestige colleges is sometimes mentioned, with students complaining of emotional abuse or parental threats to not contribute if they consider a less prestigious college (including anything that could possibly be a safety for admissions, or even if the less prestigious college is a better academic fit for the student).
* Parents restricting the students to specific majors is sometimes mentioned.
But what actual restrictions do parents tend to place on students' college choices? (Mentioning such restrictions does not necessarily mean approval.)
* Baseline affordability is an obvious restriction. However, we do see lots of sad stories in April from situations where this was not discussed or mentioned until the student has a bunch of acceptances that are too expensive.
* Location appears to be a common one, since it appears that many parents do not want their college student kids to go far from home. Some parents want the student to stay home and commute, even if a more distant school is less expensive overall.
* Parents preferring high prestige colleges is sometimes mentioned, with students complaining of emotional abuse or parental threats to not contribute if they consider a less prestigious college (including anything that could possibly be a safety for admissions, or even if the less prestigious college is a better academic fit for the student).
* Parents restricting the students to specific majors is sometimes mentioned.
This discussion has been closed.
Replies to: Common versus uncommon parental restrictions on college choices
Dh and I liked all of the colleges on our kids' lists; they were pickier than we were. One went 3000 miles away, the other went 90 minutes away, yet we saw both of them about the same amount over the four years- although it was certainly easier for the one close to home to come and go over the holidays. Holiday travel is a bear, which is something kids don't often consider or think they'll care about. The kid on the other coast spent two Thanksgivings at school, primarily because travel then is so difficult and time is limited.
We never considered restricting the kids to certain majors or using prestige as a measure of suitability, but I'm sure both factored into their decisions.
2. We also set the restriction they could not attend a school where they would not be really challenged and engaged academically.
Also, we told them that if they wanted to apply to schools that were far away, they should be aware of the fact that they would not be coming home every other weekend. They would have to stay at school until at least Thanksgiving or maybe even Christmas, depending on just how far away it was and how the vacation breaks fell. So if the thought of that was distressing in any way, don't bother to apply. That wasn't a restriction--that was a stark fact to consider. You can apply, but know what the travel arrangements will be. My older son, who had at first put schools as far away as Texas on his list (we live in New England), began trimming his list to be closer and closer to home as time went on. I think the furthest one to which he eventually applied was 6 hours away in a city that was very accessible by car, plane and train. And then he ended up an hour away from home, and he came home a lot that first year. He apparently knew himself well enough to know that's what he needed--a gradual transition. Because after that first year, he decided to transfer to a school farther away that better met his desires (he decided he wants a career in the military, so he transferred to a military institute.) My younger son was less hesitant about such a thought, and applied to schools all over the country--including California. (My husband and I were secretly thrilled when he didn't get accepted to that one because we knew that WE would miss him, even if he didn't miss us!!)
And also--I guess this one was another "recommendation" rather than a "restriction." Because I changed my major three times during my college career and was still able to stay at the same school and graduate within 4 years, I advised them both to seriously consider larger schools with a lot of majors to avoid the messy business of transferring if they changed their minds. (Not that it ended up helping my older son, but these things still happen...) However, that was just a suggestion. Both of them ended up applying to large universities and smaller colleges in the end.
@Hunt--your comment made me LOL. Because when we were touring schools with our youngest son, my husband and I were thrilled that he wanted to look at our alma mater (Boston Univ.). We toured the school and then toured Northeastern (one of our alma mater's sports rival--especially in hockey). And of course, our son really liked...well, not B.U. My husand and I kept smiles on our faces and offered positive comments--but later on my husband leaned over and mumbled to me, "Dear God, I really don't think I can cheer for Northeastern in the Beanpot!!" Luckily, our son decided not to apply to Northeastern in the end because it doesn't have the major he was seeking, so the Beanpot crisis was averted. Whew. ; )
Only European school he's allowed to go to is Cambridge(Oxbridge Rivalry)
Top 15 in his choice of major(Finance)
No Pre-law/Pre-med
No public schools other than UVA/UMich/UCBerkeley(There were private school restrictions but they were a ton of those)
I think these seem reasonable except for number 1. My parents have nothing against European schools but we believe that other than Cambridge/Oxford US schools are more academically strong. And oxford was out as my family is heavy Cambridge(This was more a light hearted restriction). The public school restriction - my family has money, and prefers private schools as Wall St. recruits more heavily from there.
However, we did discuss issues like:
1. We did not want to pay a lot more money for a college that looks fun, if she is not getting a better education in return.
2. Choosing a school with programs that match her interests.
3. Choosing a college that would be challenging, but not so difficult that she was only studying and not getting involved in clubs, or research, or social activities, and enjoying the college experience.
4. Choosing a school with good access to internships and real world experiences
5. Choosing a school with strong job placement when college is done.