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PROM-- Am I the only parent being driven nuts by this whole process?

NewHavenCTmomNewHavenCTmom Registered User Posts: 2,028 Senior Member
edited May 2014 in Parent Cafe
Good morning,

Am I the only one who wants to drink battery acid while jumping off a bridge while wearing cement shoes? This process driving me batty. The prom is today and I'm NOT enjoying this at all. Anyone else feeling this way? Prom was far easier when my son graduated 5 years ago. Needless to say, the process with him was much easier. Girls are a special breed.

Before you guys yell at me about this topic being discussed here on CC in the past, this is my first prom with a girl and so if there was a thread in the past 3 years, I don't remember, didn't notice or maybe wasn't concerned at the time because the topic wasn't relevant at the time.

I just needed to vent! :((

Thanks CCers

Replies to: PROM-- Am I the only parent being driven nuts by this whole process?

  • FallGirlFallGirl Registered User Posts: 8,005 Senior Member
    I'm sorry to hear this. What specifically is making this difficult?
  • compmomcompmom Registered User Posts: 10,644 Senior Member
    My daughters didn't go, by choice. Perhaps I inspired them: in the late1960's my school only had an anti-prom and we all wore jeans! So what is driving you nuts, in 2014?
  • rubrownmomrubrownmom Registered User Posts: 25 New Member
    edited May 2014
    @ FallGirl---It's probably the expense of this event, which in itself is very stressful. They're absolutely crazy. I have twin daughters and their prom is tonight as well. Thank GOD both girls are frugal or at least understand we just don't have the money. They (believe it or not) ordered their gowns online from China about 6 weeks ago and they arrived last week. They are absolutely stunning and are every bit as beautiful as what you can buy in the department stores or specialty shops. The girls sent their measurements in with the order and each dress fits each girl perfectly. One dress was $99.00 and the other was $119.00, plus shipping. I was very apprehensive about doing this and worried the dresses would be of cheap quality or would not arrive on time OR wouldn't look good on them. Personally, I hate shopping for clothes and I need to try things on, but the girls window shopped locally and knew what they were looking for. Still, while we got "lucky" on the dresses, prom tickets, flowers, the after prom event, the after prom weekend at the shore (my girls are not doing this) the shoes and accessories. Thank God, they are doing each others hair, makeup and nails, as many of their friends are having this done at the salon.

    It's going to be a long day but hopefully very special and I intend to enjoy the pre prom experience. Neither of my older children (two boys) went to prom.
  • FallGirlFallGirl Registered User Posts: 8,005 Senior Member
    Not much cheaper for the boys. S's tux rental was almost $250, there is also cost of limo (shared by all), corsage annd dinner for himself and his date.
  • Pennylane2011Pennylane2011 Registered User Posts: 2,716 Senior Member
    I hear you NewHavenCTmom. This prom ritual feels somewhat like an entitlement nowadays. It's a ritual from a long time ago when I think, high school grads were really taking a big step into adulthood- Not all students went to college, students got engaged, then married, and started jobs right out of high school. It makes sense to have a big ceremonial social event to celebrate that step. Now we have the party, but not the students on the brink of adulthood, and this party involves spending lots of money on dresses, possibly limos, dinner, prom, then the all night party. I think there's also a lot of pressure on the guys nowadays to ask a girl in the most creative way.

    I wouldn't propose doing away with it but maybe some way to tone it down. I remember my prom as a fun event and my kids had fun at theirs, but all of ours were done modestly. Nice, but not expensive, dresses, no limo, after prom events had parental supervision. I think it's fine to celebrate this big step towards adulthood- but also recognize that most of today's high school grads are far from being full adults and save the grown up celebration for later. It would make more sense to have prom in senior year of college now.
  • momofthreeboysmomofthreeboys Registered User Posts: 16,678 Senior Member
    Parents can help tone it down.
  • partyof5partyof5 Registered User Posts: 2,674 Senior Member
    My son went to prom a few years back and it wasnt too bad, just tux rental, corsage and prom tix. Fortunately his dates mom hosted dinner at her home for several couples. My next daughter didnt attend, and I have one left at home. I do hear the drama starts early with the actual asking to the prom. Apparently girls expect this ''over the top" production when they are asked to prom. Its amazing, some of the stories that Ive heard this year. Even the kids that are already dating, expect the boy to think of an amazing ask, wth????
  • NewHavenCTmomNewHavenCTmom Registered User Posts: 2,028 Senior Member
    We went to 10 stores to find the dress...from NHV, to Stamford, to Guilford, to Rocky Hill. And guess where we got the dress from? The FIRST store that we went to way back in January. She just ordered the dress 2 weeks ago & we had to go back for alterations, then to try it on with shoes(she is almost 6 ft AND finding shoes is tough because she is a size 11 or 12 in shoes. So finding shoes was a chore, the flowers, the tux( her date is being raised by his elderly, infirmed grandma so we paid for the tux rental). He is a "default" date b/c he us 6'6 and she couldn't find any one tall enough who wasn't already prom dated up. The hair, the makeup...everything.

    Her godmother has been kind enough to write a check for almost everything....

    Just the running, the over attention to detail. It's driving me bonkers!

    My mom was never ever involved in my life when I was a teen so when prom time came, there was none if this.mi wasn't going & a friend made me go....she made my gown the day before for $20.00. For material, pattern, notions.....20 bucks.

    And I was prom queen! LOLOL

    Headed to a hair appt! [-O<
  • BestfriendsgirlBestfriendsgirl Registered User Posts: 935 Member
    edited May 2014
    @FallGirl - when S1 went to his junior prom in 2009, we bought him a tux for about $160.00 at JCPenney. He wore it two years, and S2 has worn it three years, renting vests and ties to match his dates' clothes. Money well spent, IMHO. And speaking of dates, the girl S2 went with last year got a reasonably prices dress and shoes and her sisters came home from college to do her hair, nails, etc. She even created her own hair pins to match her dress and she looked great.
    @NewHavenCTmom - my mom made a lot of my formals too. It was the 70s, the age of Gunne Sax and dainty fabrics so it was fairly easy. I think we only actually bought two - for my freshman Christmas formal when my grandfather was ill and she didn't have time to sew, and my junior prom in 1979, a $69 Gunne Sax. I donated most of my formals to my Ss' preschool for dressup, but I still have the Gunne Sax.
  • cptofthehousecptofthehouse Registered User Posts: 28,097 Senior Member
    You can buy a used tux for about a hundred bucks. I had to do this with my older ones as they were in an orchestra and tuxes were mandatory for performances. Those without were provided the tops to wear, but we got info that directed us to buying one and with some alterations they were just fine and paid themselves back in all kinds of uses for years thereafter. You can also find deals on tuxes after this season. A good tux can come much in use.

    As for girls' gowns, there are the thrift shops, dress swapping and really these girls look good in just about anything. One of the girls last year looked just stunning in a Marianne's dress for about $30 that she gussied up. It was from a few years back so not recognizable as this years stock. It's not that easy to tell who is wearing the $2000 dress and who has the $20 Fashion bug sale dress. I know some people who make it their business to know and even they can't really tell as long as you stay away from what's featured prime time in the stores this year.

    Rubrown, I'm glad it worked out with your girls, but my friend's DIL did this for her wedding, and the bridesmaid's dresses were terrible. No money back either. You takes your chances when you do this, and frankly, I don't think your prices (nor hers) were worth the risk. That's a lot of money to be out if the dresses did not work out. I sat there and redid the dresses for that wedding, and the fabric was cheap Barbie knockoff, not really even fabric, and we ended up sewing the girls in the dresses to make them look right. With a day's work, they did look fine--photos were terrific and really people don't check out the quality, but those were "paper" dresses for prices that those girls could have found thrift store or cheaper US store sale items and fixed up with some real fabrics.

    My dear friend has two fashionista daughters who are into the clothes and have a small budget and they just love looking for the bargains. One of them was one of my sons' date at his prom and she knocked it out of the park with her cheapie dress.

    So with some thought, forethought, creativity, it can be done on the cheap.

    But, yes, in some areas, it's become quite the deal, I agree.
  • BestfriendsgirlBestfriendsgirl Registered User Posts: 935 Member
    I also borrowed dresses from time to time. I went to Catholic school and had neighborhood friends who went to public, so they were all knew as far as my school was concerned.
  • sylvan8798sylvan8798 Registered User Posts: 6,765 Senior Member
    She just ordered the dress 2 weeks ago & we had to go back for alterations, then to try it on with shoes(she is almost 6 ft AND finding shoes is tough because she is a size 11 or 12 in shoes. So finding shoes was a chore, the flowers, the tux( her date is being raised by his elderly, infirmed grandma so we paid for the tux rental). He is a "default" date b/c he us 6'6 and she couldn't find any one tall enough who wasn't already prom dated up.
  • Pennylane2011Pennylane2011 Registered User Posts: 2,716 Senior Member
    edited May 2014
    I forgot about Gunne Sax but loved it back then. Mine was that style but not the brand.

    I'm not comfortable with the dresses from China. Seems like a risk to me. I've seen some gorgeous dresses from outlets, and right after prom is over is a good time to look for next year's dress- since they are marked down after prom season. Consignment shops are good places to look too.

    I agree that parents can tone the event down as far as the materialism goes.
  • ProudpatriotProudpatriot Registered User Posts: 1,549 Senior Member
    What's the big deal? It's the same as any other formal event and I am sure you have done that in your life.

    My son bought a tux as he will need one going forward (he's a musician). He bought the tickets. I went with him to order to flower. He decided he was driving and not getting a limo.

    If you have a girl she gets a dress and shoes and has her hair/nails done. It doesn't sound like something that should make you crazyl
This discussion has been closed.