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Late bloomer kids-dating update

tiderider14tiderider14 Registered User Posts: 49 Junior Member
Was unable to find the late bloomer thread from a few years ago-so I thought we should update the discussion to see how our kids are doing now.

S1 just turned 21 (18 than) and just broke up with his first "real" girlfriend. He had one in HS and one sophomore year of college for ~2.5 months each (one lasted from march to end of may in HS, and one went from fall break to winter break freshman year) this last one lasted 7 months(Halloween to mid June). He is going to be a senior and is taking a break from dating until he is on his own after graduating. He is a bit broken up-pun intended. Says he is a little worried about not having a ton of experience-was very shy-wiry and small in HS. Has come into his own during college-tons of friends and good grades-and much better with girls. I worry about him worrying himself into a hole about this.

S2 is 19 and is a square as they come, very quiet and respectful-has no problem attracting female attention(by far the better looking of the two) but not very social. He is just starting out, so he still has time, even though S2 is more serious and focused than 1-(1 has a 3.3-2 has a 4.0) he doesn't put in effort and connect emotionally with 1. Much more reserved about his feelings.

Anyway, I wanted to see how others kids are doing in this arena. I'm not worried about either particularly-but just wanted some reassurance

Replies to: Late bloomer kids-dating update

  • MassmommMassmomm Registered User Posts: 3,894 Senior Member
    I think it's a myth that every kid has a boyfriend or girlfriend in high school. Many kids, especially the serious ones, don't because they recognize that relationships should be meaningful and they just aren't ready for that level of romantic intensity. From what I've observed, the socially precocious kids tend to have more casual relationships, which is why they're okay dating in high school. But I wouldn't call them more mature, nor would I call the kids who start dating later "late bloomers."
  • LizardlyLizardly Registered User Posts: 2,493 Senior Member
    I have one son who is brilliant with girls and another who is terrified of them. Chick magnet is an unlikely romeo: shy and quiet, long haired and sloppy, but exudes sensitive artist. His gift is in quietly watching and paying attention to girls. It must be in a non creepy way, he notices what they like and is able to use that information. He has had girlfriends off and on since eighth grade, is in college now. Scared boy thinks girls are just great, but finds them intimidating in their wonderfulness. He has had a few close female friends now, so maybe that will help him not be so afraid. One two month relationship last year, he is currently seventeen. That girl last year was a really fantastic girl, though, so he has good taste. I think he was far more infatuated with her than her with him. And he didn't drive yet so she had to do all the driving. The scared son is very good looking and a jock. He is more of a guy's guy.

    Both boys are very sweet. Romeo has had his heart stomped on but came back for more. He is a hopeful romantic. Second son hasn't had a real relationship yet, so he hasn't been hurt too badly yet. I suspect he won't have his first real romance until college.
  • ChoatieMomChoatieMom Registered User Posts: 5,352 Senior Member
    edited June 2014
    Has anyone noticed that kids don't date or "go steady" (dating myself) in high school anymore, or is this just a boarding school thing? They seem to like hanging together in co-ed groups, but no real boyfriend/girlfriend connections. Even at dances, DS says the girls and guys dance with everyone, but not many bona fide couples. This is driving DS crazy. He had a couple of girlfriends in middle school, one of which has turned into what will probably be a lifelong "buds" relationship, but no serious relationships at BS (he's a rising senior now) even though there are a couple of young ladies along the way that he has been particularly smitten with. DS is very outgoing, varsity athlete, and killer handsome (well, mom here). I posted this a long time ago on the BS forum and dads came back to say that they had sent their daughters to school "to study, not for drama." DS thought this might wear off as the years went on and the girls became more independent, but the dating scene still appears very platonic. Hookups OTOH are another thing, but something DS is not (all that) interested in. What gives? Anyone else see this in their high schools? DS can't wait for college.

    Oh, he also says that when he asks about this, most kids say that they don't want to be tied down in high school because they know that they will be off to college soon and not many of the kids in his class will be off to the same university, so they view high school as a place to have fun but not get serious with anyone.
  • LizardlyLizardly Registered User Posts: 2,493 Senior Member
    Kids do date here. What I find interesting is that they seem less obsessive about their SOs than we did. Some weekends they spend with date, some with friends.
  • mathmommathmom Registered User Posts: 32,039 Senior Member
    edited June 2014
    One late bloomer kid still hasn't bloomed. The other one met someone spring term junior year (of college), but it was almost a year before we heard about her. They are still together a year later, and we like her very much.
  • tiderider14tiderider14 Registered User Posts: 49 Junior Member
    I agree with Choatie's observation. Both of my kids went to private school and there was almost no dating-s1 definitely put more effort into it than 2 did. 1's best friend from age 13 up is engaged and will marry in May 15-(his fiancé is 26-dont ask me how that happened) and he is a bit upset that he will be graduating next June and will not have a girlfriend at the wedding. Both have said that they feel 4 years behind in dating due to their high school-a little overplayed. Both go to pretty big universities, s1 is much more of a partier than 2, but s2 is much more shy and doesn't do anything about girls that show intrest in him-needs a girl to chase him:) He has 3 life long guy friends he hangs out with, compared to s1 who has about the same in college, but loads and loads of friend friends, s1 has two friends from HS he still talks to-one is very shy and kind of like his brother and aforementioned lady killer friend-and doesn't have that social circle back home due to HS. He is very worried about that even moreso than being a late ish bloomer. Both kids aren't ones for hookups-S2 will NEVER do that, s1 catches feelings to easily.

    I definitely think it is partly genetic. I didn't have a LTR until I was about 25- I had one BF that lasted about long as s1s relationship(about the same time too), my husband had one after college before me. And my SILs family- their kids are 24-who had a 2-3 month relationship sophomore year of HS(2005) and nothing since than, and 21-never dated. My kids are doing okay in the scheme of things- both are average late bloomers-both went on their first "dates" at 16-17. Both would like a little longevitiy and someone to stay a while, and I hope it happens
  • sylvan8798sylvan8798 Registered User Posts: 6,749 Senior Member
    Well this thread is depressing :(
    S2 is 19 and is a square as they come, very quiet and respectful-has no problem attracting female attention(by far the better looking of the two) but not very social. He is just starting out, so he still has time,
    Not crying today. Not crying today. Not crying today.

    La, la, la, la, I can't hear you.....
  • Youdon'tsayYoudon'tsay Registered User Posts: 19,507 Senior Member
    I posted on the old thread so I feel compelled to update.

    Ds1 finally had a steady girl for two months senior year in college. Not much, but it's a start.

    Ds2 started dating a girl in fall senior year of HS, and they're still together almost two years later.
  • ConsolationConsolation Registered User Posts: 23,020 Senior Member
    My kids are doing okay in the scheme of things- both are average late bloomers-both went on their first "dates" at 16-17.

    That doesn't sound like a late bloomer to me! :) My late bloomer had two "official" GFs that I know of in college, and "dated"--ie invited to formals, had dinner with, etc--a few other girls, I believe. He now has a GF from grad school. Her FB page says she is in a relationship with him. His plays it close to the vest. :)
  • tiderider14tiderider14 Registered User Posts: 49 Junior Member
    Consolation that is literally the exact same experience s1 has-LOL. s2 has gone out on two dates with one girl who is 17 and her parents don't really approve of her seeing him simply because of his age. He had one "thing" at the end of first semester. Ironically, S1 had a brief fling with a 29 year old (we weren't happy about hearing that) shortly before meeting GF2. He met his most recent GF through his accounting partner whos roommate needed a date to her sorority function-I didn't like her much-snooty southern sorority girl stereotype- pretty much who wanted him to constantly pay for all the dinner things, buy her clothes and spend all his time with her away from his friends-he doesn't regret dating her but says he overlooked niceness because she was "hot" and it made him pretty miserable at times. Me and H are very glad that it didn't get more serious at this point of college-they were living together for a month before he couldn't take it anymore. It is important to get relationship exp-but we are glad he didn't have to sacrifice too much. His roommate from freshman year was VERY seriously dating someone for about 1.5 years(they were that they are going to get married couple) and she told him to turn down an internship in NYC with goldman sachs so they wouldn't be apart for the summer-which he did but before chastising her, leading her to dump him two weeks later-completely devastating him.

    s2 hasn't had a girlfriend but has a bevy of women trying to talk to him-so much so he doesn't even realize it. It is kind of maddening as a parent to see him not put himself out there, he is bright, sweet, and would be a great catch if he could get over being afraid of rejection, s1 gave him some pointers and hes asked a few girls out, got one no and one yes-so he is making progress. We wish one had half of the other, if son 1 worried less and was better looking, and s2 had his brothers outgoing and bubbly nature we would have one perfectly rounded kid.
  • Niquii77Niquii77 Registered User Posts: 10,104 Senior Member
    Late bloomers at 16?

    Are teenagers supposed to have a slew of boyfriends or girlfriends?

    I find it perfectly fine when teenagers don't want to date in high school. It's high school. If you find someone you what to start a relationship with, then that is super. Consider yourself lucky because half the time in these high school relationships the intentions, goals, or expectations are poorly lined up. I'd rather a person work on themselves, focus on their personal fulfillment, and figure out what they want in a relationship. If someone strolls along that is willing to journey along with you, the more the merrier!

    If my mom called me a late bloomer, though I doubt she would, I would have a slew of experiences and self-revelations that set me apart from many peers my age. Number of significant others do not demonstrate emotional maturity.
  • jazzcatastrophejazzcatastrophe Registered User Posts: 774 Member
    I think a lot of college and high school students have better things to do than date. At least in my own experience, very few of my friends in college had any kind of long-term relationships over the 4 years, and that was really the norm.
  • shawnspencershawnspencer Registered User Posts: 3,110 Senior Member
    I wouldn't be too worried TBH, they'll find their own path and a good partner that respects them eventually. For instance, I didn't have my first "real" girlfriend until the second semester of senior year and during the summer. So I reject the notion that there is a "right" time to have a relationship, because it may have it when you least suspect it.
  • Youdon'tsayYoudon'tsay Registered User Posts: 19,507 Senior Member
    The original thread was in the Cafe. It had a light air to it. :)
  • MichiganGeorgiaMichiganGeorgia Registered User Posts: 4,472 Senior Member
    "if son 1 worried less and was better looking"

    I hope you haven't told your older son that he isn't as good looking as his younger brother..
    It really shouldn't matter whether your older son is as good looking as the younger one and the smart woman are going to know that. Your kids aren't that old I'm sure they will meet the right woman to marry.
This discussion has been closed.