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Overbearing mother in college selection

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Replies to: Overbearing mother in college selection

  • intparentintparent 36291 replies644 threads Senior Member
    Mom also may not have made that kind of money for a lot of her adult live and may not be well positioned for retirement yet (I know my retirement funds took a hit when I divorced). I think the OP's mom has had a lot of foresight and is offering the OP a deal a lot of kids wish they had. You couldn't convince me if I were your mom...
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  • calla1calla1 2076 replies26 threads Senior Member
    OP seems to have left the thread.
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  • mom2collegekidsmom2collegekids Forum Champion Financial Aid, Forum Champion Alabama 84339 replies1049 threads Forum Champion
    edited June 2014
    Even with 2 in school (one sibling) her EFC is too high for Pell.

    >>>
    My test scores are high enough for merit aid from UA ut my GPA is too low.
    <<

    Unless she has new scores, a 26 isnt high enough.

    she will NOT get much/anything from UA or Auburn because of her gpa and test scores....certainly not enough to give up BF

    Mom seems to be directing to FL publics because with BF and pre-paid, there will be little left to pay. If the OP goes to LSU, UA, or AU, her mom would have to pay about $30k+ per year. It is a no-brainer as to why mom is saying no.

    Mom has a good head on her shoulders. The OP seems oblivious to costs.
    edited June 2014
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  • ucbalumnusucbalumnus 83329 replies741 threads Senior Member
    edited June 2014
    However, if the mother has not already done so, she should lay out the financial parameters and say "we can only afford $X for your college" in order to eliminate the OP's obliviousness toward college costs. (But also say, "you can go elsewhere if you can get the price below $X" -- that is unlikely to happen, but it puts the responsibility back on the OP instead of being what seems to the OP to be arbitrary parental restrictions.)
    edited June 2014
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  • alijasminedalijasmined 92 replies22 threads Junior Member
    OP has not left the thread! I understand that I am lucky to have both bright futures and prepaid ( which is a small amount because it was started a little late) but I would like to go to a school that I feel I can make my home! Honestly, if I get into UF it will be the school I attend but I certainly cannot predict that based of their random holistic admission process. I chose LSU and UA as my OOS options because they are relatively low in cost compared to other OOS schools. I plan on applying for many private scholarships and working throughout my senior year to help pay for school. My father also contributes a couple thousand a year. If I can pay 25% of my education then I should be able to go out of state... Yes I do not have high enough test scores for merit YET. I have a tutor and plan on taking the ACT again September 8th and also the SAT. I would only need a 28 to receive merit from many of my listed schools and I am taking summer courses to help raise my GPA. My mother also plans on downsizing substantially and selling all of her real estate when I leave for college so I know the money will not be a HUGE problem in the long run though it may be a burden in my first year(s).
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  • Niquii77Niquii77 9994 replies110 threads Senior Member
    Is UF the only public Florida college you are willing to attend?

    In the case you do go out of state, how are you going to pay for all of it?

    You said you're going to work throughout your senior year. You said your dad contributes a couple thousand a year. You said you'll love for scholarships. You said your mom will sell her current real estate properties. You don't need to disclose the numbers here, but what you do need to do is sit down with your mom and discuss realistic estimates with her. You should work with the highest OOS cost of attendance and look at the money coming in - Florida Prepaid funds, estimated merit scholarships, estimated financial aid, estimated funds coming from the sales of your moms real estate, your dads contribution, along with your contribution. Really break down the numbers to see if it is possible.
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  • Youdon'tsayYoudon'tsay 19572 replies465 threads Senior Member
    I wouldn't assume the proceeds from selling off properties will go to you. She might need to fund her retirement.
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  • cptofthehousecptofthehouse 30390 replies59 threads Senior Member
    The thing you are missing here, is that regardless, your mother is going to have to pay and as a result she can make her own stipulations as to what she will pay for You are lucky that she is paying . That she took time to put money aside, that she is making plans to become more liquid so that she can pay. Remember the golden rule. (s)he who has the gold makes the rules.
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  • alijasminedalijasmined 92 replies22 threads Junior Member
    I am also considering FAU for the fact that I am eligible for lots of FA and perhaps an athletic scholarship. And it is a rather large amount of real estate...
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  • Niquii77Niquii77 9994 replies110 threads Senior Member
    It may be a large amount of real estate, but you don't know her intentions with the received income. You should really be talking with your mom about this.
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  • mitec12mitec12 47 replies8 threads Junior Member
    Get your mom to tell you how much she is willing to pay out of pocket and how much she would be willing to pay in loans. While she gets a big bonus from being a single mom, making a salary over 100k will greatly reduce how much money she gets from FAFSA, etc. My parents make less than that (dad doesn't really work) and I got a very small unsubsidized loan (not giving out numbers on the internet).
    Figure out how much YOU are willing to take out in loans, get that job, and reasonably predict how much money you will have saved (at minimum wage part time, don't expect more than 5k. And that's if you work a decent amount and save. Obviously, working 30 hours a week will get you way more money, but that will result in a lowering GPA).
    Then, once this is all out on the table, tell your mom that you understand and accept her limitations. Explain to her that you are going to apply for every scholarship that you can, show her how hard you have been / will continue to work, etc. Ask her to let you apply to some OOS, etc, colleges that you want to go to, but tell her that, in the end, you will NOT fight with her if they end up being too expensive. Heck, have her write you up a contract and sign it if that's the only way to convince her. That way, you'll know you gave it your best shot. If you can get the cost of one of the schools you want to go to down, great. If not, at least you tried, which is all you can do.
    I'm slightly sympathetic to you only because I know people who were forced into schools that they didn't like as a result of their parents pressuring them, and since they were extremely unhappy, they did not do very well (they had previously done much better at a school they were happy at, but it was no longer an option financially, so it's not that they just weren't meant for college).
    Good luck getting those scholarships and your ACT up!
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  • PurpleTitanPurpleTitan 13628 replies32 threads Senior Member
    Are there guaranteed pathways to UF from CC's in FL?
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  • Niquii77Niquii77 9994 replies110 threads Senior Member
    Yes, there are articulation agreements in place.
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  • PurpleTitanPurpleTitan 13628 replies32 threads Senior Member
    Also, have you considered New College of FL? What objections do you have to FSU, USF, or UCF? It's not like 'Bama or LSU are rated any higher than those 3 FL schools by folks outside their home region . . .
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  • ConsolationConsolation 22898 replies184 threads Senior Member
    While she gets a big bonus from being a single mom, making a salary over 100k will greatly reduce how much money she gets from FAFSA, etc

    Owning real estate beyond the primary residence is also an FA killer. Colleges regard liquidating it and using the proceeds to pay tuition as an option for the family. They typically count 80% of the value as available funds.
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  • intparentintparent 36291 replies644 threads Senior Member
    I would like to go to a school that I feel I can make my home!

    Well isn't that special... Grow up and go to college in-state. You can "make your home" anyplace you want to once you have your degree. Your mom MIGHT be counting on that home equity to purchase her own retirement home, and eventually help fund her retirement. The last thing you want is to have to support her when she is older. You should be grateful that she has given you some good choices and set out to make the most of them.
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  • KnoxpatchKnoxpatch 343 replies8 threads Member
    OP: mom needs to consult a tax accountant. Selling real estate during the college years will mess with financial aid calculations.

    Talk with your mom and even more important, listen to what she has to say. It's her money and whatever she provides is a GIFT to be thankful for.
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  • ucbalumnusucbalumnus 83329 replies741 threads Senior Member
    edited July 2014
    I get the impression that this topic is an uncomfortable one for both you and your mother. But you and she need to talk about it, if only to clearly get the net price limit that you need to target in your application strategy. Otherwise, it appears that you and she will be making incorrect assumptions about each other's motives.

    Note that most outside scholarships are relatively small, and many are one year only.
    edited July 2014
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  • alijasminedalijasmined 92 replies22 threads Junior Member
    I made this post so that I could receive advice, which was given, but I did not post it to be roasted by bitter parents. I have always intended to go to the school on my list that offers the most FA (may be changed if I get accepted to UF) or a comparable amount. Quite frankly (and I will probably regret saying this) , I would rather pay for the bulk of college myself with a small (less than 5k/yr) contribution from my parents. And this is a touchy subject in my house...
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  • SansSerifSansSerif 771 replies43 threads Member
    Just read this - and I don't see bitter parents at all. Just experienced ones. It's no fun being criticized, I know, but that doesn't mean the people criticizing you are bitter or have an agenda other than wanting you to understand the realities of college financing.
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