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Extremely strict parents won't let me move out for college?

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Replies to: Extremely strict parents won't let me move out for college?

  • Python20Python20 216 replies11 threads Junior Member
    Spend long days on campus. Get a job on campus for experience save up your money. Look into being an RA in a dorm in the future. Maybe parents could accept your living on campus when you are older, and as they see you handle yourself your first year. A position of responsibility as an RA and getting free room may change their mind in the future.

    It is your choice to accept their money and their rules. As others have pointed out there are other options.
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  • Much2learnMuch2learn 4610 replies168 threads Senior Member
    OP
    Can you tell us a little more about your stats?
    Also about what you think is their fear or motivation?
    Are they college graduates?
    Do you have siblings?
    Are you the eldest?
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  • YoHoYoHoYoHoYoHo 1975 replies31 threads Senior Member
    edited June 2014
    Op,
    They are very strict and conservative and are concerned that you will have lots of bad influences in you if you live in a dorm, and really, you will be exposed to bad influences which will be scary for them and scary, interesting, eye opening, world broadening for you.
    You options to try to convince them:
    1. Attend an all women's college
    2. Try to see if there is a drug and alcohol free dorm or residence that you could move into
    3. Try to see if there is housing for students of your culture or religion where you could move in
    4. Commute to and from school. Class time might be say 3 hours per day, but spend 8-10 hours on campus, either at library, coffee shops, religious or cultural groups, ECs, other kids suites, etc, then come back home very late...."after traffic has died down". Then after some time has passed, complain how it's so difficult, and then try to work on getting them to agree to living on campus for soph yr.
    edited June 2014
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  • wis75wis75 14383 replies65 threads Senior Member
    Do not let your parents' concerns cause you to attend an all women's college unless that school has the majors and other attributes that appeal to you. Do not compromise on your major just so you can finish college and living at home asap. I was lucky to live on campus (scholarship money really helped) 8 miles from home eons ago (the other UW). Some HS classmates commuted, for financial reasons.

    Be thankful your UW is a nice and large campus as well as a good U. You will miss out on those spur of the moment late evening activities (as did a college friend who lived walking distance to campus- parents don't want their D's going out with friends at 10 pm so we never stopped at her house when out and about) and dorm stuff but you certainly will be spending most of your days on campus. You need to establish that you need to do your studying on campus. You need to establish boundaries- don't tell them details about your activities. Thank goodness for emails and cell phones- you can communicate with friends without involving your home. You will need to make a deal with your parents that you get maintain or get more freedom as you maintain good grades.

    If you end up with UW as your school be thankful your parents don't insist on one of many lesser private schools in the area in their attempts to keep you safe. You will have plenty of freedom during the day on campus- perhaps even choosing supper there to be able to use the library longer... and there will be no one reporting your actual activities to your parents.

    Don't get too discouraged. You will be able to enjoy the campus as a full time student. Try not to cram too many classes in so you miss out on having time for the nonacademic side of campus days.
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  • ucbalumnusucbalumnus 83349 replies741 threads Senior Member
    wis75 wrote:
    You will need to make a deal with your parents that you get maintain or get more freedom as you maintain good grades.

    Given that the parents have all of the power in this situation and are inflexible, it may be unrealistic to expect any kind of deal. Any complaint from the OP will probably result in tighter restrictions.
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  • mom2collegekidsmom2collegekids Forum Champion Financial Aid, Forum Champion Alabama 84339 replies1049 threads Forum Champion
    I agree with the suggestion of choosing classes, labs, and study groups that force you to stay on campus during the day/eve. If you load all your classes in the early day, then your parents will force you to leave campus early (when last class ends).

    If your stats are high enough, then you can get a free ride somewhere. Then you wont need your parents permission and they wont be able to prevent you from getting a job.
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  • bopperbopper Forum Champion CWRU 14500 replies106 threads Forum Champion
    I would say that I would try to figure out what is driving this.

    Do you belong to a particular religion that is conservative?
    Do you belong to a particular culture?
    Are they within the norms of people of their religion/culture?
    or are they just controlling?

    Then I would try to figure out a solution that would take into account some of what they want and some of what you want. And be vocal about that fact..."Another college I would like to apply to is <X> that is <of X religion> that has my major."

    If religious, is there a particular college that is related to that religion or has a great many students of that religion going to it?
    Same for culture?

    Would you consider an all women's college? or an all women's dorm?

    and if the answer is that they are just controlling, then you need to make the effort to get out as soon as you can. Try bringing a third party like a guidance counselor to discuss possible options for you.
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