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Extremely strict parents won't let me move out for college?


Replies to: Extremely strict parents won't let me move out for college?

  • cptofthehousecptofthehouse Registered User Posts: 27,956 Senior Member
    "Let" is the wrong word. Your parents cannot prevent you from moving out once you are 18. They have the right to spend their money as they please and they do not have to pay for you if they don't feel like it which includes if you don't toe the line of their rules. But you can absolutely look for other venues. Apply for some full ride awards if eligible, look at the military and other programs. People have been fleeing oppression from things, including the parental home, especially the parental home for ages. Nothing new there. You have certain choices and there are some nice goodies that come with doing what your parents tell you. Just like if you take a job that has stipulations, if you want the paycheck and what it buys, you have to go by those rules. Colleges have rules too. It's a matter of where you draw your personal circle.

    My parents had plans for me to stay home at least 2 years after high school I was gone two months after graduation for college. Got a full ride, had saved money over time from jobs, gifts, whatever, and I was on a plane with the melody of "Leaving on a Jet Plane" in my head, an ocean away. Didn't see them for over a year. I wasn't even 18 when I did this So, you have your choices if you make them.
  • ucbalumnusucbalumnus Registered User Posts: 76,689 Senior Member
    My parents had plans for me to stay home at least 2 years after high school I was gone two months after graduation for college. Got a full ride, had saved money over time from jobs, gifts, whatever, and I was on a plane with the melody of "Leaving on a Jet Plane" in my head, an ocean away.

    Perhaps the crucial question is, would the parents object to the OP going away on a full ride? If the concern is just about the money, then the answer should be no. But parents who want control will object.
  • boysx3boysx3 Registered User Posts: 5,164 Senior Member
    One of my son's friends in high school was in a similar position due to the family's culture. She made, and stuck to, a plan to finish college as quickly as possible to get to a point where she could get out and be self supporting. She took advantage of AP classes, dual enrollment, CLEP credits and online college class options. She took classes summer as well. She graduated college in a little over two years, and took a job in another state.

    She didn't discuss her plans, her actions or her progress with her parents while she was doing this. She didn't want to engage in the inevitable arguments that would cause, or give her parents a chance to derail her plan.

    She was very, very methodical--she investigated the credit policies at the only school her parents would consider (local state directional) and the requirements for various possible majors. She started college with a game plan and stuck to it--she strategically studied for the CLEP exams that would help her, chose her dual enrollment classes wisely, took classes in the correct sequence (summer school is great for staying on track). She got a job on campus for spending money and for her resume. The bonus is that she spent very little time at home--less time to argue with her parents, less chance for her to spill her plan.

    She is with a Big 4 accounting firm (she is not a CPA--not an accounting major). She is self-supporting. Her parents are still fuming. But she is free.
  • younghossyounghoss Registered User Posts: 3,182 Senior Member
    edited June 2014
    cpt is right, though, at 18 the student is allowed to do whatever student wants in his/her own home, or worded another way- can do whatever they can pay for. If the student still live in parent's home, then yes, parents can make choices the student doesn't like.
    Student must consider possible repercussions of choices, though.
  • intparentintparent Registered User Posts: 36,891 Senior Member
    As parents must consider the possible repercussions of their choices as well... I live 600 miles from my parents for very good reasons.
  • Python20Python20 Registered User Posts: 224 Junior Member
    Spend long days on campus. Get a job on campus for experience save up your money. Look into being an RA in a dorm in the future. Maybe parents could accept your living on campus when you are older, and as they see you handle yourself your first year. A position of responsibility as an RA and getting free room may change their mind in the future.

    It is your choice to accept their money and their rules. As others have pointed out there are other options.
  • Much2learnMuch2learn Registered User Posts: 4,772 Senior Member
    Can you tell us a little more about your stats?
    Also about what you think is their fear or motivation?
    Are they college graduates?
    Do you have siblings?
    Are you the eldest?
  • YoHoYoHoYoHoYoHo Registered User Posts: 2,001 Senior Member
    edited June 2014
    They are very strict and conservative and are concerned that you will have lots of bad influences in you if you live in a dorm, and really, you will be exposed to bad influences which will be scary for them and scary, interesting, eye opening, world broadening for you.
    You options to try to convince them:
    1. Attend an all women's college
    2. Try to see if there is a drug and alcohol free dorm or residence that you could move into
    3. Try to see if there is housing for students of your culture or religion where you could move in
    4. Commute to and from school. Class time might be say 3 hours per day, but spend 8-10 hours on campus, either at library, coffee shops, religious or cultural groups, ECs, other kids suites, etc, then come back home very late...."after traffic has died down". Then after some time has passed, complain how it's so difficult, and then try to work on getting them to agree to living on campus for soph yr.
  • wis75wis75 Registered User Posts: 13,892 Senior Member
    Do not let your parents' concerns cause you to attend an all women's college unless that school has the majors and other attributes that appeal to you. Do not compromise on your major just so you can finish college and living at home asap. I was lucky to live on campus (scholarship money really helped) 8 miles from home eons ago (the other UW). Some HS classmates commuted, for financial reasons.

    Be thankful your UW is a nice and large campus as well as a good U. You will miss out on those spur of the moment late evening activities (as did a college friend who lived walking distance to campus- parents don't want their D's going out with friends at 10 pm so we never stopped at her house when out and about) and dorm stuff but you certainly will be spending most of your days on campus. You need to establish that you need to do your studying on campus. You need to establish boundaries- don't tell them details about your activities. Thank goodness for emails and cell phones- you can communicate with friends without involving your home. You will need to make a deal with your parents that you get maintain or get more freedom as you maintain good grades.

    If you end up with UW as your school be thankful your parents don't insist on one of many lesser private schools in the area in their attempts to keep you safe. You will have plenty of freedom during the day on campus- perhaps even choosing supper there to be able to use the library longer... and there will be no one reporting your actual activities to your parents.

    Don't get too discouraged. You will be able to enjoy the campus as a full time student. Try not to cram too many classes in so you miss out on having time for the nonacademic side of campus days.
  • ucbalumnusucbalumnus Registered User Posts: 76,689 Senior Member
    wis75 wrote:
    You will need to make a deal with your parents that you get maintain or get more freedom as you maintain good grades.

    Given that the parents have all of the power in this situation and are inflexible, it may be unrealistic to expect any kind of deal. Any complaint from the OP will probably result in tighter restrictions.
  • mom2collegekidsmom2collegekids Forum Champion Financial Aid, Forum Champion Alabama Posts: 84,905 Forum Champion
    I agree with the suggestion of choosing classes, labs, and study groups that force you to stay on campus during the day/eve. If you load all your classes in the early day, then your parents will force you to leave campus early (when last class ends).

    If your stats are high enough, then you can get a free ride somewhere. Then you wont need your parents permission and they wont be able to prevent you from getting a job.
  • bopperbopper Forum Champion CWRU Posts: 13,928 Forum Champion
    I would say that I would try to figure out what is driving this.

    Do you belong to a particular religion that is conservative?
    Do you belong to a particular culture?
    Are they within the norms of people of their religion/culture?
    or are they just controlling?

    Then I would try to figure out a solution that would take into account some of what they want and some of what you want. And be vocal about that fact..."Another college I would like to apply to is <X> that is <of X religion> that has my major."

    If religious, is there a particular college that is related to that religion or has a great many students of that religion going to it?
    Same for culture?

    Would you consider an all women's college? or an all women's dorm?

    and if the answer is that they are just controlling, then you need to make the effort to get out as soon as you can. Try bringing a third party like a guidance counselor to discuss possible options for you.
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