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Extremely strict parents won't let me move out for college?

206377206377 Registered User Posts: 111 Junior Member
So, I may sound like a typical teenager complaining about my parents, but this is not the case. My parents are extremely strict, to the point where I am literally never allowed to hang out with friends, can't even *speak* to boys, can't wear clothes that show my legs in public, etc, etc, you get the point

I have always abided by their rules reassuring myself that it was just until I got to college, then I could start living my life but there is a problem... they have decided I am not allowed to move away from home. I pointed out that the college I want to go to is 40 minutes away (but it's in Seattle so the traffic regularly takes over an hour in reality) and I simply cannot live with their rules for 4 years, with the stress of traffic, with the stress of a noisy study environment (home), with the stress of college. When I pointed this out they said "there are thousands of kids who live at home and do it, we know plenty, you'll be fine," but I just can't.

Please don't say to "just move out anyway" because if I do they probably won't give me any financial help, and they won't allow me to have a job so I have literally no money.

What can I do?

Replies to: Extremely strict parents won't let me move out for college?

  • geo1113geo1113 Registered User Posts: 1,427 Senior Member
    Since you ruled out just move out, you really have no alternative but to live at home and go to school. My advice would be to take summer classes, graduate in three years, find a job and then move out.
  • ucbalumnusucbalumnus Registered User Posts: 76,728 Senior Member
    Because your parents effectively have veto power over your college choices through parental financial contributions and cooperation with financial aid forms, you must either submit to their restrictions, delay college until you are independent for college financial aid purposes (age 24, married, or a military veteran), or find a full ride merit scholarship somewhere.
  • dyiu13dyiu13 Registered User Posts: 2,866 Senior Member
    Spend a lot of time at school. Plan your entire college career with your advisor now to get out soon, as said above. ^ Look into your college's transfer policy (what can you bring in from CLEP or summers at community college that could speed up you graduation date?). Can you do study abroad for one year in college --- what do your parents say to that?
  • MaineLonghornMaineLonghorn Super Moderator Posts: 39,358 Super Moderator
    ^If the parents won't let the student move 40 minutes away, it's hard to imagine they would allow study abroad.
  • bisouubisouu Registered User Posts: 2,553 Senior Member
    I agree with dyiu13…arrange your schedule so you will be out of the house all day long for the entire week. Spend all your time on campus and away from home. Finish as quickly as you can so you can move out and get a job. So sorry you have parents that don't seem to take your feelings into account.
  • 206377206377 Registered User Posts: 111 Junior Member
    Thanks everyone! I guess it was more of a rant than anything else but what ever! :)
    Does anyone have any ideas of what I could say to try to change their minds?
  • ucbalumnusucbalumnus Registered User Posts: 76,728 Senior Member
    206377 wrote:
    Does anyone have any ideas of what I could say to try to change their minds?

    Unless you get a full ride merit scholarship, they have absolute veto power over your college choices. Therefore, it is unlikely that trying to change their minds will be effective, and may cause them to become even more controlling.
  • intparentintparent Registered User Posts: 36,904 Senior Member
    Can't think of anything you can do, honestly. Sorry... wish we could be more helpful. Agree that getting a degree (preferably in something you can get employment in), then getting a job and moving out is going to be your best route.
  • sseamomsseamom Registered User Posts: 4,905 Senior Member
    Your story is not uncommon. Both of my D's (we are in Seattle) have had friends with similar though not as restrictive home lives. Their responses have varied, including moving out and getting jobs and working to find ways to finance their own educations. I can't be certain what culture you're from, but I suggest contacting an organization that works with immigrant families in many areas and with many different cultures. ReWa is really fantastic, and I would start with them.

    The fact is that once you are 18 you are legally allowed to leave home, get a job, and wear skirts that show your legs. Whether you want to do that despite your parents is really up to you. At that age, they can only hold you hostage if you let them. I work for a church that assists people in need all the time. There are people who can help you navigate this scary time if you let them. College may take a bit longer on your own, but it could still happen. Your freedom may need to come first. Good luck.
  • ucbalumnusucbalumnus Registered User Posts: 76,728 Senior Member
    edited June 2014
    Full ride merit scholarships may be the most feasable means of escape for students with high academic credentials:
  • intparentintparent Registered User Posts: 36,904 Senior Member
    I would suggest that your parents may agree to an all-women's college, but i don't know of any in the Pacific Northwest.
  • mathyonemathyone Registered User Posts: 4,225 Senior Member
    You can't really have it both ways--if you want your parents to continue to support you financially, you will have to live with their rules. Think about whether you can commute early in the morning and/or late in the evening to avoid traffic hassles. Spending more time on campus would also give you more freedom to see friends, and you can study in the campus library if home is noisy and distracting. Make sure you will be employable when you graduate and you will be free to do as you like then. As far as the dress code goes, considering the cool climate in Seattle it doesn't seem too onerous and I hope completing your education will be the priority for you.
  • verucaveruca Registered User Posts: 1,395 Senior Member
    Do you have a relative or friend of the family that might intercede on your befall? Something that is the same culture/religion that they respect?
    Maybe after commuting a year you could try again. Good luck
  • oldfortoldfort Registered User Posts: 23,011 Senior Member
    What are your stats? If they are good enough to get full merit scholarship then that's the way I would go. If it is a possibility then I would bring it to your parents' attention that it is a possibility, so with or without their approval, you would be going away to college. I don't know your parents, but once they realized that then they may rethink their position. Meanwhile, I would try to behave and act like a mature young adult, so they could be more comfortable with you moving out.
  • ConsolationConsolation Registered User Posts: 23,030 Senior Member
    What could you say to change their minds? A good question. Frankly, I cannot comprehend people in our society in this age who voluntarily associate themselves with religions or cultures that place severe restrictions of this type on women--and I don't know of anyone who does it without one or both of those motivations-- so I can't imagine what would appeal to them. It would probably have to be something from within their culture or religion, whichever is motivating them.

    Failing that, I agree with the advice above. Stay home, go to college, become employable, get a job, and move out. A problem I foresee for you is internships and job experience. Will your parents allow you to do an internship or take a career-related job? Will they allow you to take an on-campus job? Graduating with no work experience at all could present a problem in terms of getting a real job, especially in the kind of non-vocational major that doesn't have an obvious career path attached. Do you have any idea what interests you at this point?

    Do your parents expect you to get a job after graduation, or do they expect you to get married? You may have to be very careful not to voice your ambitions. If you become angry or desperate, and say "I'm moving out as soon as I graduate," they may take steps to prevent or delay your graduation. It really depends how far they are willing to go to maintain control.

    They may be protective parents who simply worry about turning their young D loose in an environment that can be a hotbed of drinking and sex. They may also want to save money by having you live at home, and they are correct: many kids do it. Or they may be quite extreme.

This discussion has been closed.