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My Child hates college and wants to come home! It has been 5 days

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Replies to: My Child hates college and wants to come home! It has been 5 days

  • leeislegalleeislegal Registered User Posts: 39 Junior Member
    Thank you so much for your reply (dwhite and LasMa) and all the other relevant posts. So a week or more has gone by. There have been ok days that have made me cautiously optimistic. But intermittently,he returns to the wish of being at a school with football or at least had someone to watch a college game with. Of all the schools he applied to he was accepted at mostly urban back up schools which in the end was not ready for. This school has a beautiful campus , but is lacking in sports. He thought there would be more kids interested in watching or going to a nearby game. But he has not found those kids yet. He is still not sleeping well and very disorganized at times. So much of this is being on his own for the first time along with the fact that all his other HS friends seem to be having a great time at their Saturday games. We have opened a dialogue about transferring as a back up plan and we have promised to support his decision. He hasn't spoke of his GF for a day or so I'm not sure what the latest is. In my opinion, it's just a matter of time before it's done. I can't help but worry about the fact that he sounds awful and overwhelmed at times. Overall, he is a well organized, gracious, and very bright student. (under the right set of circumstances).
  • rumrunnerrumrunner Registered User Posts: 464 Member
    does the school have resources for this situation?
  • leeislegalleeislegal Registered User Posts: 39 Junior Member
    Just an update to the sympathetic ears - The HS relationship ended today . She won't respond anymore. His text today to her after 4 days of nothing was How are you? It made him hate everything around him. The school, the classes, the people, the dorm, etc... He is still able to do some work, but this couldn't have been worse for timing.
    Last week he planned to drive to see her, take her to dinner and help her with some homework. She cancelled at the last minute. He wound up helping with homework online. Over the weekend he went out and enjoyed himself , but now we are right back to where we started. We still have the transfer plan in place.... but right now taking this minute by minute.
  • dwhitedwhite Registered User Posts: 888 Member
    @leeislegal - I've been wondering about your son - so sorry he (and you) are dealing with this. I am going to PM you.
  • anothermom2anothermom2 Registered User Posts: 1,753 Senior Member
    Leeislegal, maybe now your son can fully devote himself to his college experience. Of course it hurts terribly when you think someone who was there for you just drops you. I have had this happen to me, and I think most people have had this experience at one time or another. I think a lot of folks hold onto HS relationships and this prevents them from really getting to know the new people they are meeting at college. Of course you never know if the one left behind was "the one" unless you try, but it is a very high percent that don't succeed at staying together. There are lots of new people for your son to get to know. What may be daunting is that he is not having luck (because that is what I think is at work most of the time) meeting people who share his interests. I say the same thing that I tell my own D, keep trying. We have a little joke between us. I tell her to go through her rolodex (remember those before computers and smart phones? - I had to tell her what they were) and try to find someone who is interested in doing what you want to do. Sometimes you will find someone who is available or you will find another person with a different activity that you want to try. One thing I would suggest is not to transfer to the school with the girlfriend (any other place would be better).

    It is a very hard adjustment for a lot of kids. Depending on the workload, it is not just the social stress, but the academic stress, and the stress of being on your own. Like everyone else has said, clubs, part time job, volunteer work etc. can be ways to meet people. If he likes sports, how about some club sports. I am not an athlete at all, but when I was in grad school, I played intramural basketball and softball. I also swam and took aerobics. It really helped balance out the rest of the time, which was almost all work.
  • sovereigndebtsovereigndebt Registered User Posts: 1,326 Senior Member
    leeislegal:

    not sure what school your son is at. We are southerners and my kid went to school in NYC and it was a HUGE culture shock and a whole lot of drama...freshman year was a wild roller coaster and we almost pulled her. In the end, she stuck it out, dropped the former boyfriend from home who was at the state flagship and causing most of her problems......and by March it was a new world. Dont panic. Dont give up.

    If you need more help or details of our experience, pm me. The school my kid attended had football and basketball on campus in NYC and that actually was a wonderful place to relax and find new friends.

    Relationship drama is no fun and its part of the big change that occurs in college. But its normal to move on and find a new set of friends and in time a new main relationship partner. Growing up is hard and the stress of college is added to the cauldron of emotions.

    It does get better. Let me know if I can help.
  • LasMaLasMa Registered User Posts: 10,884 Senior Member
    Yes, don't panic and don't give up. I know he just wants out, but this would be the very worst time for him to make a permanent decision about anything. Maybe he doesn't fully realize that transferring isn't going to cure heartbreak.

    Encourage him to stick it out for the semester, and then take a leave for next semester. Maybe having that on the horizon will enable him to keep going.
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