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First Acceptance Arrived

24

Replies to: First Acceptance Arrived

  • NEPatsGirlNEPatsGirl Registered User Posts: 2,551 Senior Member
    tganns: that is good to hear. Someone here on CC pointed us in their direction, so glad they did. D would like to ski if possible while in college and is sticking to mostly northern schools for that reason. Cost of skiing was prohibitive so she only gets to go once or twice a year and would love to do more. St. Mikes is perfect for that!

    Yes, I think she is holding back from getting excited...both because of the $$ issue and because her top choices are RD schools and applications haven't even been sent out yet. I might try harder to not mention the financial aspect so much, she's a bright girl, she gets it, guess I don't need to keep dampening her hopes.
  • KnoxpatchKnoxpatch Registered User Posts: 351 Member
    NEPatsGirl: I'm going to guess she's got a pack of long-time friends, is happy in her high school, enjoys her extra curricular activities, and has slept in the same bedroom for quite some time. Now she's expected to get excited over leaving her friends and familiar surroundings for something unknown. Add that to the usual teenage hormone party and wah-lah: it's crazy time for parents. She'll be just fine and so will you. Our last is a freshman and is, after the year of applications, happy at her school and enjoying the heck out of the college experience. Hang in there!
  • NEPatsGirlNEPatsGirl Registered User Posts: 2,551 Senior Member
    So true. She does love all those things, I just never thought of it that way. I am so excited for her and proud of her and somewhat living vicariously through her in this process, something I never had the opportunity to do. Thanks for putting it in perspective :)
  • SnowdogSnowdog Registered User Posts: 2,243 Senior Member
    edited November 2014
    I think kids get to the point where they are sick of talking about nothing but college at home. It's stressful and anxiety producing. I promised my son that once he finished his applications, which he did last night, I'm going to work hard on my side of the street not to bring up college to him again until spring. I'm holding his grandparents to the same arrangement.
  • KnoxpatchKnoxpatch Registered User Posts: 351 Member
    I like Snowdog's promise but I'm not sure he/she can keep it. You may be invited to merit scholarship competitions in the winter time and may want to go on some second-look college visits. Luckily spring does come and with it, the May 1 decision deadline. Whew!
  • turtletimeturtletime Registered User Posts: 1,096 Senior Member
    My D wasn't thrilled about all her acceptances. I thought she was going to cry when she got accepted into our local state school early and invited to honors. I had required her to apply just because it was a true safety on all fronts and yes, an excellent school with good programs. Getting into that school made her feel trapped and worried that this was truly going to be her only option. Yes, she was being a bit irrational but that was something she really couldn't verbalize until her favorites started accepting her with good financial packages. It's an anxious time for them and I wouldn't waste too much time trying to figure out all their emotional responses. It'll likely come out at the end of the process.
  • crazymamaBcrazymamaB Registered User Posts: 257 Junior Member
    My D was the same way, and I also was disappointed with the reaction. In hindsight, I think it was because she was so undecided about where she wanted to go that she couldn't get excited. Don't worry, things will fall into place as the rest of those acceptances start coming in. My D eventually found the right school at the right price, and finally got excited about it. And it turned out to be one of those EA acceptances.
  • RdtsmithRdtsmith Registered User Posts: 870 Member
    I've found the waiting for Springtime to see the bottom line much more stressful than the actual acceptances! We're waiting on some Ivies and have generous merit aid already from non Ivies he's been accepted to. I think it will come down to money at least partly right?

    Do kids really apply to multiple Ivies, get accepted then turn them all down when they see the bottom line?
  • MYOS1634MYOS1634 Registered User Posts: 37,179 Senior Member
    edited November 2014
    What turtletime reports is real, though - some parents make their kids apply to the local school with honors college "as a safety" and then decide for them that it'll be good enough for them, no matter where else they got in. In some cases, it's because they didn't discuss financials beforehand, in some cases it's because parents don't trust the far-away school or don't know there are differences between universities (such as the kid from Arkansas admitted to UChicago on a full ride, whose parents thought the state flagship would be better, or the boy from Texas whose parents pushed him to attend a college where he had a full ride but that didn't offer his major and where he had already taken all but one of the math courses on offer), in some cases it's because of divorce/NCP disputes, with some parents using college funds are a bargaining chip or retaliation.... kids know that an acceptance to a Honors College is both a guarantee they'll go to college and an added doubt they may not be going where they thought they would.
    And, sure, it's college, so it's better than nothing, but still.
    To get back to that kid from AR, no one argued UA was better than UChicago. And a kid who "fits" at some universities may not "fit" in at others. There are literally dozens and dozens of examples each year of kids "pushed" into a poor-fit college when they had other choices, or who have to "make do", not always with good results.
    I know a kid whose parents had money and had always said they'd pay for whatever highest ranked college she got into. They made her apply to the local university + honors. When she got into both, with a full ride at the latter and full pay at the former they said she had to go to the local university. She was devastated because it was a huge betrayal of trust - she felt they had "trapped" her by making her apply to a school where she didn't want to go, all the while promising that she could go to school X, W, or Z (and they had such means that it wasn't conditional to "making it work financially"), to turn on her at acceptance time.
    All these stories aren't unique, seniors and even juniors all know students for whome these stories were a reality.
    So lots of anxieties come out, not all of them imaginary.

    I guess one way to calm kids down is to convey your pride but not make it into an obligation...
  • 4Gulls4Gulls Registered User Posts: 423 Member
    I still find myself second guessing both kids' choices. Unfortunately, cost played a larger role than I wish it had. ialso found that by the time April rolled around we were all so exhausted and tried of talking about,thinking about, debating pros and cons, etc. - I can honestly say that if I had a "do-over" the process and decision for both might have been different - but I can also honestly say that the outcome for both is really fine, too.
  • 4Gulls4Gulls Registered User Posts: 423 Member
    As for lukewarm responses to acceptances, just wait till the first denial or deferral arrives. That's no fun either.
  • ucbalumnusucbalumnus Registered User Posts: 69,120 Senior Member
    MYOS1634 wrote:
    such as the kid from Arkansas admitted to UChicago on a full ride, whose parents thought the state flagship would be better,

    You mean this thread?
    http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-search-selection/1642666-14k-chicago-v-7-8k-arkansas-honors-undergraduate-p1.html

    In this thread, Chicago was a few thousand dollars more expensive than Arkansas. But Arkansas was already at the stretch budget limit, so the student needed to figure out how to cut costs through frugal living and such to make Chicago affordable. There was consensus that Chicago was worth the extra cost, but it also appeared that many posters did not consider that the few thousand dollars that seems trivial to a typical high SES parent poster is actually quite a big deal to a student for whom that puts the price over the stretch budget.
  • Tperry1982Tperry1982 Forum Champion Yale Posts: 1,556 Forum Champion
    My D got into the only school she ever wanted to go to SCEA. She was ecstatic when the link sang and she was in! However, reality quickly set in and college became "real". It really meant she had to leave home. It really meant she had to leave her BFFs of 13 years. It really meant stepping into the adult unknown.

    Trust me, the reaction is normal. Things may get worse before its all over as they start to pull away and undo the apron strings. Even my perfect kid had her moments. It's called "soiling the nest". Look it up.

    The good thing is that it passes. All our freshmen were just home for Thanksgiving. Good to see them but I know in my heart my baby has been replaced with a college kid I love just as much.
  • drcharismadrcharisma Registered User Posts: 233 Junior Member
    As a senior, I can sympathize with that girl in OP's post. It's a safety school; you are expected to get admitted. There is no feeling of accomplishment because it is a "safety" school, a school that is a last resort. I know I would feel "meh".
  • tk21769tk21769 Registered User Posts: 10,196 Senior Member
    Of her 6 EA schools, 5 are safeties (Dickinson is the only match on the list)...She is applying to a few reach schools but I guess I'm bursting her bubble with the "we can't afford that" factor tempered with the "she deserves to go there" (that isn't me saying that, that is a NCP saying that haha).

    Most applicants don't need more than 1 or 2 true admission and financial safeties.

    If UMass at in-state rates is a true admission/financial safety, and Dickinson is a match, then some of the NESCAC schools (Bates, Colby, Colgate, etc.) might turn out to be cost-competitive after need-based aid (especially if your income is less than ~$110K).
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