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Am I crazy not wanting my son living on campus?


Replies to: Am I crazy not wanting my son living on campus?

  • bsmom123bsmom123 Registered User Posts: 78 Junior Member
    There are reasons that they have residency requirements. I believe that the education is a big part of college (obviously), but the experience is also important. Moving from home, making friends, learning to cohabitate with others, etc. Why wouldn't you want him to experience the normal college life?
  • compmomcompmom Registered User Posts: 10,247 Senior Member
    I agree with the original poster that dorm are an unnatural way to live and can be harmful to some. That said, exemption or a single room may depend on an evaluation and letter/documentation from the appropriate authority, such as a medical MD, psychiatrist or psychologist. I do NOT feel this need is pathological but it is nevertheless something that can be dealt with through professionals and the disabillity office.

    One of mine has migraines and seizures and other health issues. She made many friends in her dorm, but the single room helped her a lot. Last semester she did rent an apartment off campus and loved it. Alone.
  • mommdcmommdc Registered User Posts: 10,949 Senior Member
    Single room on campus or commuting from home seem better choices for freshman. He might not be ready to live in an apartment on his own, having to cook, shop, etc as well.
  • compmomcompmom Registered User Posts: 10,247 Senior Member
    Good point. My daughter did it as a senior :)
  • boolaHIboolaHI Registered User Posts: 1,956 Senior Member
    There is a reason places like Yale employ a residential college system: it works and is very effective.
  • YoHoYoHoYoHoYoHo Registered User Posts: 2,001 Senior Member
    edited September 2015
    Maybe a medical exemption would allow him to live off campus
  • saintfansaintfan Registered User Posts: 8,274 Senior Member
    Most people in the world live in spaces and densities equal to or smaller than a dorm. I wouldn't go so far as to say that they are "unnatural" (post #17). Your kid may have special considerations or need to find a similarly quiet roommate but many, many kids really like dorm life. I have an introvert and and extrovert and both study/write in the library. If your kid has a single or a well matched roommate a dorm can be a good way to meet people without needing to get out too much. You can get as much or as little of the activity as you want then go to your room and close the door when you need to. An apartment could be VERY isolating for someone who doesn't naturally seek out company and most people need some level of society and interaction . . . even introverts.
  • brantlybrantly Registered User Posts: 3,534 Senior Member
    Why try to get the college to change its rules for him? Instead, find a college that meets HIS requirements. Has he even been accepted to this college yet?

    That said, just because he has always wanted quiet doesn't mean that he wouldn't adjust to dorm living. What does he say?

    And I also agree with others who suggested some type of evaluation. Locking the door to wash your hands, along with some of the other traits you cited, could be related to some sort of anxiety.
  • menloparkmommenloparkmom Registered User Posts: 12,753 Senior Member
    edited September 2015
    I think it is a mistake to impose your fears on your DS.
    I also had a shy only child who never had to share a bedroom or bathroom.
    Guess what- when the rules say you do have to live on campus, even shy boys can and do get used to it.
    Living off campus by himself will make him miss out on opportunities to meet new people and sharing new experiences- which is part of what kids need to learn in real life.
  • compmomcompmom Registered User Posts: 10,247 Senior Member
    Living in densely populated areas or crowded apartments or houses with family and relatives, for instance, is more "natural" than sharing a room with a roommate at school. Of course there are many situations when that happens- includng hospitals, the military etc. One of mine, who is very socially competent, abhors dorm life but does very well in our crowded house and shared a bedroom with a sibling her entire growing up years.

    I think a single room might be the best solution, but many kids also thrive living at home. The majority of college students these days are not residential students, despite the population here on CC.

    I once read that 1/3 of kids are ready for college academically, 1/3 are ready emotionally, and 1/3 aren't really ready. That said, I do think evaluation could help justify a request for a single or for an exemption so he can live at home.

    I think this parent probably knows best, in dialogue with the son.
  • Tonia39Tonia39 Registered User Posts: 6 New Member
    I had a party at my house the day he started kindergarten while all the other mothers were crying in the hallways. Believe me, I got no problem shipping him off. He has a friend who was going to share an off campus apartment with him, but now this! We DID pick a commuter school, but NKU is trying so hard to not be that anymore that it is abandoning its roots.

    I have a very hard time with setting him up to fail. He knows he needs private space to keep focused. I'm going to have a real hard time justifying that room/board expense if putting him in that sort of situation will make it difficult for him to do what he is there to do. He and I are on the same page. This is his deal, I just happen to agree!

    Anyway, he and his friend are both graduating from high school with about 30-33 hours of early college credit. I wonder if transferring all those hours in would qualify them as sophomores? I sent an e-nail to NKU but have not heard back as yet. Just thought someone else might know. ;)

  • katliamomkatliamom Registered User Posts: 12,549 Senior Member
    Have you asked about the possibility of a private room? Or do you think that your son would feel uncomfortable in a dorm, period, even if he had a single?
  • BeeDAreBeeDAre Registered User Posts: 1,164 Senior Member
    Library, for studying. Quiet there.
    Most residence halls have separate study rooms as well, where quiet is required.

    As for the shared bathroom - he'll adjust. He really will.

    My D is essentially an only child (has a half-sister much older than her who never lived with us) and has always had her own bedroom. She also values her alone time. She is very social, but she needs time by herself, as well, to decompress.
    She went to a couple of band camps this past summer, at two different college campuses. She had a roommate at both. Before going , she was nervous about sharing a room. Granted, it was only a week for each camp, but she did fine, and in fact, she liked the experience of having someone to talk with at the end of the long day.

    Really, your son will be fine - and he may even really grow to love living in the dorms.

    Again, to echo what others said, he could also look into a single room.
    I had a single room when I transferred to a residential university from one I'd been commuting to. It was, indeed, nice being able to come home to my own room, go to sleep whenever I wanted, stay up when I wanted, etc. so, I understand that.
    When I felt like being social, there were people out in the hall, or in the lounge...

    But I also think it's a good learning experience to share a living space at that age.
  • ucbalumnusucbalumnus Registered User Posts: 74,419 Senior Member
    Since you mention NKU, it looks like their frosh dorm requirement exempts students living in some nearby areas:
    https://housing.nku.edu/content/dam/housing/docs/Apply Here/First Year Student Residency Requirement.pdf

    It also looks like all of the dorm rooms are double rooms, quads of two double rooms, or suites/apartments with double rooms, but most (not all) of them have private bathrooms.
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