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My child has lied about failing out of college...how to cope


Replies to: My child has lied about failing out of college...how to cope

  • PurpleTitanPurpleTitan Registered User Posts: 11,767 Senior Member
    Kids around 20 can be very immature. They may come up with self-rationalizations that make no sense even to themselves with some maturity and value present pleasure too highly over future pain. Unfortunately, humans are not fully mentally mature until 30.

    Some kids need to start working before realizing why getting a college education is important.
  • Much2learnMuch2learn Registered User Posts: 4,762 Senior Member
    I would work hard to remain calm. Anger and yelling are tempting, but will impair communication. You have to keep the communication line open.

    These things happen often. It has all happened before. If you begin with anger and yelling the kid will say, that is why they didn't come to you earlier.

    Encourage her to work with you and make a new plan for her life. Failing is okay. At least she tried.
  • ailinsh1ailinsh1 Registered User Posts: 316 Member
    I'm glad things are headed in a positive direction for the OP.
    I wanted to thank all the people who posted their own stories of encouragement and healing and light at the end of the tunnel. In this process of getting kids into and through college, it is so easy to think that it is a relatively smooth, straightforward process for everyone, and that makes it worse/harder when your kid hits a bump in the road. The wisdom and perspective shared honestly here is invaluable, even if your kid isn't in a tough spot at the moment; having seen how others handle the tough spots successfully makes facing them a bit less daunting if/when they do occur.
    So, thank you for the honesty and willingness to be open and vulnerable.
  • MYOS1634MYOS1634 Registered User Posts: 39,210 Senior Member
    I hope OP will come back to post what happened.
    Abrupt shifts can be bad news so hopefully it's nothing more serious than a bad semester and needing to repair grades.
  • colorado_momcolorado_mom Registered User Posts: 8,665 Senior Member
    During DD's past tough times, I remember being incredibly hurt by her lies. In retrospect, some of them were done in attempt (foolish but heartfelt) to not cause us pain.

    You had some good advise above. To go forward, you really need to know the situation (and make sure she is stable). Try not to ask questions that corner her into more lies. The info she volunteers on her own will be more likely to be the truth.
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