Welcome to College Confidential!

The leading college-bound community on the web

Sign Up For Free

Join for FREE, and start talking with other members, weighing in on community discussions, and more.

Also, by registering and logging in you'll see fewer ads and pesky welcome messages (like this one!)

As a CC member, you can:

  • Reply to threads, and start your own.
  • Post reviews of your campus visits.
  • Find hundreds of pages of informative articles.
  • Search from over 3 million scholarships.
The Forums will be unavailable Tuesday, June 25 starting at 9 am ET as we prepare for a major design update!

S not feeling safe with roommate

Texasmomof3Texasmomof3 Registered User Posts: 103 Junior Member
S is a freshman living on campus. We are 200 miles away.

His roommate, a sophomore, is off. He literally hid under a blanket during move in so as not to have to speak to us. He cries to himself in the room. He tends to stay out all night every night.

Roomie's mom has texted S that she is worried about her son and asking S if he is okay, if he going to class. She showed up one day, from 3 hours away, because he wasn't responding and they were so worried. He told S that he "almost didn't make it last semester."

He has been missing since Wednesday. His wallet, laptop and backpack are in their room. No one has seen him. He hasn't been to class. He isn't answering his texts or calls from S.

Yes, S has alerted he RA. S is also spending the weekend at his gf's room because he says he is certain the roommate either has or plans suicide given his general demeanor and the way he talks. And S doesn't feel safe in their room.

Anyone have any experience with such issues?

Replies to: S not feeling safe with roommate

  • proudterrierproudterrier Registered User Posts: 676 Member
    Agree with Pizzagirl. This needs to escalate beyond the RA to the Office of Student Life and/or campus security and/or the local police immediately. It's not your son's responsibility to look out for this student, but it is his to escalate right now (don't wait all weekend!) as he can provide the corroborating testimony of his roommate being missing for 48 hours. After that, the school/local authorities and the roommate's parents need to deal with it. If it's after office hours, the residence life staff will have protocols in place for emergencies after hours--escalate immediately!
  • SouthFloridaMom9SouthFloridaMom9 Registered User Posts: 3,446 Senior Member

    This sounds way above roommate pay grade. :/

    If I were you I'd be alarmed and ready to escalate to the proper university authorities.
  • NorthernMom61NorthernMom61 Registered User Posts: 4,104 Senior Member
    Yes, call campus police and residence life. Your son should also be able to get some type of safe harbor living situation. Call roommates mother. Yes, this is way above roommate pay grade.
  • Texasmomof3Texasmomof3 Registered User Posts: 103 Junior Member
    S just confirmed that the RA notified student services. I had him give them the mom's cell number. They said they will handle it from here. He did let RA know he will be at gf's for the weekend. And roomie still hasn't responded to any of the calls or texts.
  • NorthernMom61NorthernMom61 Registered User Posts: 4,104 Senior Member
    So scary.
  • PizzagirlPizzagirl Registered User Posts: 40,488 Senior Member
    One of my kids had a roommate who went missing and was later found dead a few days later. (This was the year after living with my kid, not the year in which they lived together.). PLEASE call authorities.

    I distinctly remember seeing on TV that "a student at xx was reported missing" because of course for a brief moment I was terrified it was my kid - and having my heart in my throat when I saw the picture flash up and I recognized the face.
  • CADREAMINCADREAMIN Registered User Posts: 5,465 Senior Member
    edited October 2015
    I find this incredibly sad and disturbing. Would love to hear the student is found and safe. It is awful when these young people need help and feel so alone. Brutal. Not sure why he was back if he was so miserable last year. Parents, hug your kids! I hope he is ok.
  • OspreyCV22OspreyCV22 Registered User Posts: 1,684 Senior Member
    I would still contact the police. Knowing colleges seem to want to smooth things over I would not trust the message to filter down to the authorities. I feel it's about doing the right thing not about it being his responsibility. He's going to feel terrible if the school doesn't notify the authorities.

    Your son really does need to request a room change. It's ridiculous that he is in this position.

  • happy1happy1 Forum Champion Parents, Forum Champion Admissions Posts: 24,580 Forum Champion
    edited October 2015
    Sorry for your son. But assure him that he did everything right and it is now out of his hands. If his roommate does come back, your S should talk to his RA and ResLife about an immediate room change. IMO it was wrong of ResLife to put a freshman with a troubled sophomore -- you might want to contact ResLife yourself and make that point and insist that your S be taken care of.

    I do hope that the roommate is found soon and safe and that he leaves school to get the intensive help he appears to need.
  • austinmshauriaustinmshauri Registered User Posts: 8,703 Senior Member
    edited October 2015
    I think he should notify the police too. Did he try calling the mom to see if he went home? If he has his phone, maybe he called his parents to come get him.

    Isn't it flooding in Texas right now? I'd definitely contact the authorities and the parents. I can't imagine having my child be missing and not even be given the opportunity to do something.
  • HarvestMoon1HarvestMoon1 Registered User Posts: 6,228 Senior Member
    Not sure why he was back if he was so miserable last year.

    Agree. There are so many ways to get through college - local university or state school, community college, taking online courses. If a child is struggling to the point where he is hiding under the covers in his room, he should be in closer proximity to home or simply commuting like so many students do. There is no need for a student to get to this point.

    I too, hope he is found safe and sound.
This discussion has been closed.