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Guilty Student

happypoohappypoo Registered User Posts: 285 Junior Member
edited May 2006 in Parents Forum
Hey! I have recently faced the difficult decision that many students face this time of year: Which college to go to. What made this harder for me was the fact that UCSD is offering me a full ride. I had never really considered SD until the offer, and ultimately decided to go with UPenn, which isn't giving me anything. I have suddenly felt an enormous amont of guilt because of this decision. My parents have been saving up and we make good money, so we can afford it but... My parents have always been so good to me, and I haven't been a particularly easy child to deal with. This was my one chance to pay them back some for their sacrifices, but I threw it away! In your opinion, as parents, did I make a horrible decision? I feel so bad. Thanks so much!
Post edited by happypoo on

Replies to: Guilty Student

  • NorthstarmomNorthstarmom Registered User Posts: 24,853 Senior Member
    If you want to pay your parents back, get good grades in college and pursue productive activities. After you graduate from college (and any post graduate studies), you also could financially pay back to your parents some of the money they invested in your U Penn. education. Assuming they are in retirement then, they probably would be grateful for the money. Regardless of whether they accept the money, you also can return their kindness by letting them know how very much you appreciate the sacrifices they made for you. In fact, tell them that now. I'm sure they'll appreciate hearing those words.

    You also can do things to lessen their financial burden such as taking jobs during the summer and school year and keeping down your clothing and other similar expenses.
  • anothermom-w-qanothermom-w-q Registered User Posts: 1,125 Senior Member
    Not addressing the money issue, I would suggest letting them know you appreciate them. My S and I were kind of at war his senior year, and although he has never come around and said "I am sorry, I was difficult" his change of attitude is evident. He calls on the phone now, just to chat (never thought that would happen!) and it makes me realize that he appreciates us. It really is those small things that make a difference.
  • SusantmSusantm Registered User Posts: 2,188 Senior Member
    As the others said, let them know how much you appreciate them. Call frequently, or email, while away at school. Share with them the good things that happen, not just complaints.

    My son also chose a school where he did not get a lot of financial aid, because he felt it would be the place he could learn the most. As we were driving away after leaving him at college, I got a text message thanking us, and saying how happy he was and how much he loved that college. Several times since then he has told us how much he appreciates the extra hours we are working to pay for his college. And he shares what he is learning and how he is growing with us. Next year he will be an RA to help out more with expenses. (even though I know he would rather get an apartment with friends) For a kid like that, it is all worthwhile!

    And... when you are a parent yourself, many years down the line, do the same for your kids. That is all my parents asked of me when they were paying for my education.
  • minimini Registered User Posts: 26,431 Senior Member
    Pay it forward. (That's what money - and love - are for! ;))
  • poetsheartpoetsheart Registered User Posts: 5,571 Senior Member
    I'm glad you're beginning to appreciate just how good your parents have been to you, happypoo (interesting username!:p). It sounds like they planned and saved so that you would have the option to attend whichever college you most desired, regardless of cost. They must love you tremendously! If they stand behind your decision to turn down the full ride offer and attend the full cost option, THANK THEM! As Northstar and Anothermom have already pointed out, it would mean a lot to them if you would let them know just how grateful you are for their unfailing love and support. Go to school, be a resounding success. Maybe you'll make pots of money one day and be in the position to do something spectacular for 'ole Mom and Dad, something to make them wonder and marvel at how they got so lucky to have a kid like you:D!
  • gatoradegatorade Registered User Posts: 182 Junior Member
    "Pay it forward"

    Good movie.
  • HImomHImom Registered User Posts: 34,237 Senior Member
    Yea, we are letting our son go to a school that is giving him some merit money but overall will cost >$120,000 over 4 years over schools that wanted to pay everything. We believe it's the right school for him & just want him to do well & "pay it forward." UPenn is an awesome school & I'm sure you'll do well there (if not you could always transfer back to UCSD). I'm sure your folks are happy & proud of your decision & will be prouder still of all you make of the opportunites you have there. That's really what this is all about.
  • VirginiaMomVirginiaMom Registered User Posts: 36 Junior Member
    Our D had a terribly difficult time making a decision because of the cost. She had to choose between instate UVA, UM with lots of merit money and Vanderbilt with no money. We told her that her decision should be based on two things, one, where she would be happiest and two, where she would get the best education, in that order. The cost of her education is our concern, not hers. Having visited all the schools with her, I had an opinion on the best one for her but she made her decision independent of mine-we both chose the same school, Vanderbilt. While it would have been wonderful to send her to UVA for cost, location and education, it simply was not the school for her. She would go to UVA if we made her, but I wonder how good of an education she would get if she were unhappy. Then I would feel guilty. Don't feel guilty, you are fortunate to have parents who love you and want the best for you. It's obvious that you respect them because you are concerned about cost. Do your best at Penn, it's a great school and they will be very proud.
  • y17ky17k Registered User Posts: 826 Member
    Not addressing the money issue, I would suggest letting them know you appreciate them. My S and I were kind of at war his senior year, and although he has never come around and said "I am sorry, I was difficult" his change of attitude is evident. He calls on the phone now, just to chat (never thought that would happen!) and it makes me realize that he appreciates us. It really is those small things that make a difference.

    A lot of kids don't realize how much they will miss their parents in college ><. At first I thought it would be awesome to be in an environment without parental restrictions but I certainly miss my parents these days.
  • chocoholicchocoholic Registered User Posts: 2,995 Senior Member
    My parents have always been so good to me, and I haven't been a particularly easy child to deal with.

    HappyPoo
    I am sure that your parents would not want you to feel guilty. They obviously want the best for you, and are able to offer it, so accept it with gratitude. Most teenagers are not particularly easy to deal with, but your admission of your (natural) flaws is a grest step. Maybe you can say the exact same words to them that you posted above, telling them how much you appreciate the opportunities they have given you.

    Our D too had acceptances with large merit offers, but chose the school she loved (full freight), and we were happy to be able to say YES. She left a beautiful letter for us to find after she had left home.
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