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Racist comments from a male senior, what should we do?

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Replies to: Racist comments from a male senior, what should we do?

  • carolinamom2boyscarolinamom2boys 6897 replies223 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 7,120 Senior Member
    No one has said the " kid shouldn't get his diploma" @bhs1978 . What several people have said is it's a privilege to participate in the graduation ceremony, and that because of his bullying and inappropriate comments, he should not participate in the ceremonies. That is very different from not receiving a diploma .
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  • twoinanddonetwoinanddone 22098 replies14 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 22,112 Senior Member
    Even if this boy said exactly what OP's daughter reported
    XX just told me that he hopes that Trump will deport me and I should go back to my country
    (and I doubt it can ever be proved that he said exactly that), I think it is his opinion and I would not find it to be bullying. He said he HOPES it will happen. We all know that Trump can't deport citizens. I was asked by a teacher if my daughter had any books 'from her own country' when discussing her reading level. I explained to this teacher (who was an extreme racist) that my daughter was a citizen, that her country was the USA, but that yes, of course we had lots of books about China at home (and Ireland and Africa and Mexico and about dogs and space travel-lack of books was not the problem).

    In reading the posts by OP, it's clear she and daughter have a rivalry with this other student. Both students compete for the same awards, both are in a top group of students. I'm sure every word out of her daughter's mouth is not perfect either. OP knows a lot about this students (applied ED2 to Pomona as an athletic recruit, claims to be Hispanic for some awards but doesn't like being Hispanic?). The remark was not an isolated comment.

    This just seems like schoolyard drama to me. In a few weeks daughter never has to see this boy again.
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  • intparentintparent 36291 replies644 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 36,935 Senior Member
    "Schoolyard drama" like this has gone on for way too long. And this kid will go on to make similar comments, secure in the knowledge that a fair number of adults think it is just fine even if it does violate school policies or basic human decency.
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  • younghossyounghoss 3165 replies18 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 3,183 Senior Member
    edited May 2016
    Careful readers here know the schoolgirl is a naturalized citizen. Deporting those here illegally is nothing new; it has been the law and the duty of the Feds to do so for years, though some now want to see the laws changed. One 20th century president even did an internment of citizens.
    No doubt this boy's comment was an insult. Does one insensitive comment, even if based on one's ancestry rise to the level of determining he is a racist? Some here say yes, but I say we have too little info to intelligently judge. Even so, a high school kid having racist beliefs isn't illegal. Robert Byrd was a long-time U.S. Senator. Woodrow Wilson was a 2 term President.

    Let's remember too, that sometimes when a person is looking for an insult, they go at what they perceive as a "weak point". A person overweight, is likely to have weight as a target, or a kid with glasses is called 4 eyes(I was), nothing new there, but fortunately I'm not a special snowflake.

    I think like some others, this is schoolyard drama and should get the proper attention, which in my mind is next to nothing. Insults can occur with a racial overtone or not, and we must all remember we do not have a right not to be offended. As some newscasters are now pointing out, our freedom to speak here in the U.S. includes even speech we don't agree with.

    Has this high school girl even insulted another? Has she ever said someone was too fat? Too skinny? Bad complexion? Bleached hair? If someone "in power" like an H.R. director the girl wanted to be hired by said this- then yes I would be concerned. But not by some high school boy's insult.
    edited May 2016
    Post edited by fallenchemist on
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  • kchenddskchendds 264 replies42 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 306 Member
    edited May 2016
    @twoinanddone they didn't compete for any of the same awards. They have male and female award in both Student of the year and they both will get the "scholar athlete of the year" for their own gender. There's no competition. Most importantly, my daughter doesn't like to compete with others. She is the type of kids who wants to compete with herself only. "A better me today than the me yesterday". She loves the idea of coexistence.

    There's no hatred between the two and it's purely his belief that got to his head. He said he feels terrible about hurting my daughter's feeling because she's a good friend to him. My forgiving daughter already forgave him but it probably won't change his point of view as a big picture.
    edited May 2016
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  • HarvestMoon1HarvestMoon1 6200 replies28 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 6,228 Senior Member
    edited May 2016
    I think his thread illustrates how people can interpret comments very differently. Speaking personally, if someone told me he hopes I get "deported" I don't think I would pay much mind. I understand though why someone of another background might react differently. Especially if they were from a first generation family or a member of a group that is currently being targeted by a certain media personality.

    Likewise if someone made the comment about books "from her own country" I would not have been insulted either. I would just assume that the teacher was not aware of where my D was born.
    edited May 2016
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  • Sue22Sue22 6092 replies106 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 6,198 Senior Member
    It sounds like this has been successfully dealt with. He acted like a jerk, she called him on it, he apologized. It may take him a few rinse and repeats for the lesson to fully sink in, but he understands he hurt her feelings and seems to feel bad about it.
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  • coolweathercoolweather 5869 replies82 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 5,951 Senior Member
    edited May 2016
    In your first post you said your D was upset by the text message two days ago and the boy has been known for racist for a while. For how long? The kids in school did not make any complaint to the school admins? Is it possible your D and other kids collect all the facts about his behaviors in the past and ask the witnesses to go to talk to the school admins?
    edited May 2016
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  • kchenddskchendds 264 replies42 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 306 Member
    edited May 2016
    Yes @coolweather he's known for being racist and sexist but he had never attacked anyone directly like he did to my daughter. Even he might have but no one has come forward and said anything. Daughter actually had a small talk with the councelor (not a complaint btw) and asked for advice. He even said that guy was just being a guy acting immaturely. School officials know how he is obviously. I guess it's all settled and my problem is solved because H didn't blow up the case at the end.

    P.S. This guys has very little friends and my daughter probably is his only female friend. So I doubt he would have too much opportunity to offend people. He does it in social science class but you get to voice your own opinion, don't you?
    edited May 2016
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  • coolweathercoolweather 5869 replies82 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 5,951 Senior Member
    It's good to hear. Thanks.
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  • twoinanddonetwoinanddone 22098 replies14 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 22,112 Senior Member
    Likewise if someone made the comment about books "from her own country" I would not have been insulted either. I would just assume that the teacher was not aware of where my D was born

    The teacher knew my child was Chinese (I'm not Chinese) and was definitely making a remark that if only I had books about China my child would be reading. This teacher did not like my daughter, and didn't like the other minority kids in the class either, even the girl who was the top student in the class. It was pretty obvious to all. A year after my kids had her, she was forced to retire by other parents who had had enough (private school where some parents, not me, had a lot of power).

    While it may be unfair, minority students do have to learn to deal with a lot of comments on their own. My daughter couldn't possibly have reported every incident to school authorities and expected a smooth ride through high school. When she was younger, we actually worked on how to respond to comments. She could walk away, she could confront the individual (such as suggested above "I can't believe you said that"), she could choose not to interact with the person again. If physical or threatening, she could (and should) report it. She couldn't be battling every single thing another person said to her. Even within our family things were (and still are) said that are racist and not nice (my father is more like Archie Bunker than anyone cares to admit), or are sometimes just teasing. When she was very young and my brothers were teasing, I'd let it go until I felt she'd had enough and stop it. Each interaction she became a little stronger, a little less likely to take the teasing as a personal attack. They teased my other daughter too, and nothing would have hurt my Chinese daughter more than to not be treated as an equal to her sister and cousins. She had NO sense of humor (she was not an infant at adoption) and had to work on it or her life would have been miserable. Now she has a pretty good sense of what she must ignore and when she should speak up, and an even better sense of when she should just walk away. It is a rare comment that she reports to authorities.
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  • carolinamom2boyscarolinamom2boys 6897 replies223 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 7,120 Senior Member
    It is quite disconcerting that administration has known about it, and not dealt with it. That would never fly at my kid's school.
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