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Racist comments from a male senior, what should we do?

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Replies to: Racist comments from a male senior, what should we do?

  • ucbalumnusucbalumnus 78247 replies690 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    OP's H is "furious" but OP is "not mad at all." I read the original post as the mother asking us to weigh in on how serious of a matter we all thought this was since she and her H did not agree.

    Not enough details for people here to say one way or the other. Perhaps the real question should be, does the daughter feel bullied, harassed, or threatened by the other student, or does she just see the other student as being annoying and making a fool of himself?
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  • HarvestMoon1HarvestMoon1 6200 replies28 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    I think I already said that upthread @ucbalumnus:
    Comments that can be construed as "bullying" or "racist" are a violation of most high school codes of conduct. If your D doesn't feel like the comment fell under either category or if her school has no such behavior code, then she might consider doing nothing. If she was upset and her school has a code of conduct that she feels was violated, I would support her decision to report it.

    I think at the end of the day the student should make the decision though, not the parent. Often it is the parent that is enraged but "it rolls off the kids back."
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  • 8bagels8bagels 401 replies0 threadsRegistered User Member
    Time to park that helicopter.
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  • awcntdbawcntdb 3553 replies0 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    There is no one in charge of making students nice. There is no one to direct this call to.

    And if there were someone in charge to make students nice and someone to direct the call to, would you want your kid going there? Just imagine how Orwellian the place would be, as well as being totally fake.
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  • twoinanddonetwoinanddone 22990 replies17 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    You drew the line appropriately, your husband was upset for no reason. This is teenage stuff. I think the guy says it because it gets attention, even if it is negative attention.

    But you aren't in charge of letting every school know that they've made a mistake in admitting a student. Maybe they picked him because he said provocative stuff. Maybe he said he thought Pomona was a safety because he didn't want to admit he applied ED in case he didn't get in.

    Don't buy into teenage drama.
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  • twoinanddonetwoinanddone 22990 replies17 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    I think it is a very small school and small senior class. When my kids were in a grade school,with the same 48 kids (then 40, then 38), you pretty much had to deal with everyone, even the girl who stole things and the boys who were a little rough.
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  • kchenddskchendds 264 replies42 threadsRegistered User Member
    @twoinanddone he said Pomona wasn't even his safely last year when he realized D would attend Carleton as an athlete and he ED 2 to Pomona as a recruited athlete this year.

    @GMTplus7 I think D already forgave him. She's very forgiving and I hope it's not a bad thing..

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  • kchenddskchendds 264 replies42 threadsRegistered User Member
    @twoinanddone it's a huge school with 3000+ all grades and 650+ her class.
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  • intparentintparent 36291 replies644 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    Trust me, the people he will meet at Pomona will not put up with his crap for a minute. He is going to have a hard time socially if he says that kind of stuff there.
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  • awcntdbawcntdb 3553 replies0 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    He wants to be a politician and that worries my daughter a lot.

    Your D has it backwards. Your D might worry though if people vote for him, but not if he runs. He will not get many votes unless people agree with him.

    It is best not to shut such people up or to make them be forcibly nice, i,e, fake. You want them out in the open, talking as much as possible, so everyone knows who they are. And the antidote is to speak back and about them in the open and expose how bad their ideas are. This is why I find this censorship of speakers on colleges so dangerous. It drives such people underground where they are more dangerous and where they "grow" freely in the shadows.
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  • albert69albert69 3191 replies56 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    》》He said all the non-christian should go to hell.《《

    He thinks "Christians" should be like himself, I suppose? Superficial, self righteous, bigoted, prideful... etc. Please... don't assume Christians are all like him. He is such a jerk on so many levels.

    》》 He wants to be a politician 《《

    Let's hope he doesn't make it. It's unlikely, he'd have to get wealthy and influential somehow, and unless he was born that way, I see little chance of him getting that.
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  • ConsolationConsolation 22875 replies184 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    As your daughter has proven, the best antidote to "bad" speech is more speech. Good for her.

    I just want to say that I have come to loathe the terms "hurtful" and "offended."
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  • NEPatsGirlNEPatsGirl 2845 replies106 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    Not reportable and Dad needs to get a grip that his baby is not a baby anymore. Tough lesson for this young lady but a teachable moment. I feel bad that your daughter felt the need to forgive him, which I see as backing down. IMHO, she should have set him straight, in that he had no right (and certainly is NOT a friend) to say such a savage thing to her. With friends like this, who needs enemies?
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  • tucsonmomtucsonmom 452 replies3 threadsRegistered User Member
    I agree w/others who have said previously that calling the stupid senior's college to report this is a stupid & ridiculous idea.

    Stupid Senior is soon going to be a high school graduate and will be considered an adult at that time. And you know what? The real world has an ironic way of dealing with people like him. Justice will prevail with him at some point. Just wait until he ends up reporting to a non-Caucasian person at the work place & that person does his performance reviews. Racist comments like that at work are not conducive to retaining long term employment.

    IF the OP's daughter really is friends with this guy, then she should be assertive and calmly explain to him that what he said to her was offensive. This is kind of like "real world" practice because at MOST workplaces, they have a policy in which the FIRST step of addressing stuff like this is for the individual to have a discussion & try to address it directly with the person who did/said the offensive thing. And when that doesn't work, THEN you escalate.

    Side note: Not all Trump supporters are racist.
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