right arrow
Examples: Monday, today, last week, Mar 26, 3/26/04
We've updated the Topics page of our website to better organize and share our expert content. Read more about it here.

Racist comments from a male senior, what should we do?

145791013

Replies to: Racist comments from a male senior, what should we do?

  • bhs1978bhs1978 665 replies12 threadsRegistered User Member
    Let's go back to the original post. An 18 year old kid says ONE sentence that is construed as racist. We know nothing of any other circumstances. We do not know what led up to this statement. We don't know what stupid teenage argument preceded this. I , too, believe it is racist but I also know sometimes things are said in the heat of the moment that we wish we could immediately take back. One heated statement while racist at the moment does not mean he is a bigot for life. So many of you want to ruin this kids future because of ONE sentence. He may have been Intolerant but I am not.
    So therefore you believe he forfeits his rights to his future because of this one ignorant statement. I happen to disagree. I will continue to believe that "The Authorities" do not need to be dragged in to every stupid comment made. I will continue to believe that crying racism over every thing is harming our society not helping Racism exists and we need to keep our focus on the big issues, not a SINGLE sentence said by one stupid teenager.
    · Reply · Share
  • GMTplus7GMTplus7 14270 replies297 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    Words and actions have consequences

    Especially racist ones stupidly documented in a text message.

    · Reply · Share
  • PNWedwonkPNWedwonk 451 replies24 threadsRegistered User Member
    Based on this year's CDS (https://www.pomona.edu/sites/default/files/cds-2015-2016.pdf), there will be about sixty "white" guys in Pomona's Class of 2020 and another 30 "Hispanic" (if this kid chooses to take that route to match his funding sources and not his politics.) It shouldn't be that difficult for Pomona CC readers to ID him if he keeps talking the way he has in High School. But, who knows, maybe he will turn over a new leaf and become a sensitive, thoughtful, non-racist ,new age sort of guy.
    · Reply · Share
  • tucsonmomtucsonmom 452 replies3 threadsRegistered User Member
    Earlier in this thread, someone proposed a pretty good way of handling racist fools like the one we're discussing. I second this suggestion. I have seen it in action myself in person....foolish idiot says something dumb (like saying to a female work colleague in a meeting, "Listen, babe") and another person says something like "Did you really just say that?" or "Wow, that's offensive" or "I can't believe you just said that."

    It's very effective. Puts the person on notice that you won't tolerate his/her sort of nonsense, but you're doing it in a very classy way where you don't have to stoop to his/her level and you're not being sarcastic about it. Of course, in many cases, the foolish idiot will continue on doing and saying stupid things.

    In situations like this when others are around, **NOT** saying anything could be construed as going along with or agreeing with the foolish idiot's remarks. That's why standing up to it is important.

    And yes - I stand by my previous post. High school is not like the big wide real world out there. You no longer have a principal or teacher to go and complain to that "he was mean to me! I'M OFFENDED!" There are MANY situations in which someone can/will say something offensive to you as an adult and there is not much you can do about it. Our nation's Constitution gives people the right to freedom of speech. So yes, that foolish idiot is free to say really offensive things. The OP's daughter also has freedom of speech to speak out against morons like him.

    The idiot in the OP's post will likely find that there is a fair amount of thought police at any college campus in the US, so if he's going to school this fall at Pomona, he has a rude awakening in store for him. He will learn through the school of hard knocks after high school graduation.

    · Reply · Share
  • 8bagels8bagels 401 replies0 threadsRegistered User Member
    "I think he is just one of those people that you will want to stop before they get bigger. He wants to be a politician and that worries my daughter a lot."

    Your daughter (and her parents) need to learn to mind their own business and stop "worrying a lot" sbout, or "trying to stop" other random people in the world.

    That's just nuts. Sorry.
    · Reply · Share
  • Ohiodad51Ohiodad51 2459 replies41 threadsForum Champion Athletic Recruits Forum Champion
    edited May 2016
    This is the scariest thread ever. The zest expressed by most posters here in rooting out thought crime would be funny if it were not so obviously dangerous.

    By all means, report the kid. Make a stink, try to get him kicked out of college, or at the very least try and stop him from participating in graduation.
    edited May 2016
    Post edited by MaineLonghorn on
    · Reply · Share
  • CorinthianCorinthian 1787 replies62 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    edited May 2016
    In my opinion, misbehavior at HS should be dealt with by the HS administration. Presumably the HS has some sort of procedure where he gets to tell his side of the story (a little thing called due process) and an independent staff member decides what punishment is appropriate. Let the Pomona administration and his future classmates take care of any future misbehavior at Pomona. As an incoming freshman he will go through orientation that strongly emphasizes sensitivity training and respect for diversity and the rights of others. If he continues with this alleged behavior after that, then he will suffer consequences. The worst thing for OP to do (much less the rest of us on CC) is anonymous shaming directed at his new college.
    edited May 2016
    Post edited by MaineLonghorn on
    · Reply · Share
  • carolinamom2boyscarolinamom2boys 6895 replies223 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    I agree that reporting it to his prospective college is taking things too far, but I do believe that it should be addressed at the high school level. It was not an isolated incident , and if I read things correctly, there was another inappropriate incident involving a post on social media regarding putting leashes on girls. The sooner this student realizes that his words and actions ( no matter how benign he believes them to be) have consequences . Hopefully, he can learn from this and mature into a responsible adult . I don't necessarily believe that a young student should be condemned for a lapse in judgement , but I also don't believe they should get a pass either . JMO.
    · Reply · Share
  • cobratcobrat 12207 replies78 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    edited May 2016
    I'd report his behavior to the HS authorities as your D and that boy are still in HS and this very likely violates the HS conduct code if it is similar to the one my public magnet HS had along with several other high schools friends/younger relatives attended.

    It's not the domain of the college that kid will be attending as he's not a student there yet and thus, the behavior is not their responsibility yet.

    Also, I do agree it's better to let him enroll at Pomona and deal with the ensuing social/disciplinary fallout which may result if he continues this course of behavior.
    Running to the AP does not help the global problem or even the current situation. When will people understand that all of this running to the authorities is making the systemic problem worse...

    By that very same logic, one shouldn't report racist/sexist or discriminatory behaviors against EEOC protected classes or bullying in the workplace, businesses employing/serving the general public, or governmental agencies.

    Heck, one can extend this argument to the very concept and passage of the 1964 Civil Rights Act as the very same arguments were used by segregationists and their hanger-ons to oppose that law back in the day.

    Interestingly, history has actually shown that contrary to such arguments, the passage of that act did improve the experience and life of marginalized groups over the last several decades. In fact this improvement is one reason why many unreconstructed racists from that period and their younger followers have done their utmost to roll back such gains.

    IME, it's also the very same arguments favored by bullies and their parents who secretly/not-so-secretly approve of their child's bad behavior in K-12 and beyond*. It's also one favored by criminals/organized crime groups for obvious reasons....

    * Sat in on a court case where the defendant's lawyer tried making such an argument as a defense for his client's criminal behavior of criminally harassing a colleague in a workplace setting. Judge and jury didn't buy it as they found the client guilty of all counts and the judge ended up ripping into the attorney for trying to make what he considered "a specious argument".
    I find peer pressure to be an effective way to deal with people like this. A long pause combined with a withering look and the phrase "Did you really just say that?" can be more effective than complaining to an authority. I have a BIL who used to make horribly sexist jokes. I would just look at him with the "Really?!!" look. He stopped making the jokes. At one point he jokingly said, "You don't like me do you?" I responded with "I don't like your jokes." He apologized.

    While this works to a reasonable extent among adults 21 and up and in school campus cultures where such behavior is vehemently not tolerated, peer pressure tends IME not to be as effective in many school cultures which do tolerate such behavior or at least turn a blind eye on it*.

    Also, among some kids who relish acting in a racist/discriminatory/tasteless manner, telling them that "you're offended" or "Did you really just say that?" tends to further encourage such behavior...especially if it comes from the victim or authority figures. In fact, they relish it as they got a reaction which is highly amusing to them and one with inconsequential consequences as far as they are concerned.

    The admins of my Catholic elementary school and others in my area knew this and reacted accordingly. Instead of verbal admonishments....serious consequences which cannot be laughed away such as a few days/weeks of in-school detention before/after school, mandatory writing "I will not do [x]" a few hundred or even thousand times, and even expulsion with the principal/assistant principal berating the parents for raising such a child.

    While some here may find such a school environment to be strict, it was actually a big selling point with many parents who didn't want the alternative, local public schools where the prevailing attitude among educrats/critical mass of parents was "let kids be kids" to the point classrooms were in complete chaos, K-8/12 kids were getting beaten up/knifed/shot on a regular basis, and the same educrats/parents had the same "It's the fault of the victim to being offended/feeling bad/etc or "going to authorities is bad".

    * This includes one where admins/critical mass of parents wash their hands of the affair by telling victims of racist/discriminatory behavior "Deal with it yourself with the offender"
    I think it is a very small school and small senior class. When my kids were in a grade school,with the same 48 kids (then 40, then 38), you pretty much had to deal with everyone, even the girl who stole things and the boys who were a little rough.

    However, dealing doesn't necessarily mean tolerating or letting them get away with bad behavior or behavior school authorities/teacher find undesirable which violates school disciplinary regulations.

    For instance, my elementary Catholic School which was more lenient in its disciplinary practices than most others in my area of NYC expelled an older student in my grade after he was caught stealing from me and other classmates and lying about it and having had a history of a few similar such incidents/bullying. Most other Catholic Schools in my area would have booted him out at the first occurrence.

    Same being a "little rough". Any instances of fighting or roughhousing on school grounds was considered a violation of school policies and their conduct code....even if it took place off school grounds outside of school hours as 2 older female classmates found out when they were caught fighting in a public park on a weekend by a neighbor, reported to the school, placed in front of an entire schoolwide assembly to announce/denounce their behavior, placed on a week/two of detention, and told a repeat would mean immediate expulsion.
    edited May 2016
    · Reply · Share
  • Sue22Sue22 6156 replies112 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    While some here may find such a school environment to be strict, it was actually a big selling point with many parents who didn't want the alternative, local public schools where the prevailing attitude among educrats/critical mass of parents was "let kids be kids" to the point classrooms were in complete chaos, K-8/12 kids were getting beaten up/knifed/shot on a regular basis, and the same educrats/parents had the same "It's the fault of the victim to being offended/feeling bad/etc or "going to authorities is bad".
    I'm encouraging kids to set healthy parameters for what is acceptable in their own peer groups, using their voices and those of their friends to enforce that code. I'm not suggesting we allow them to knife each other.

    Peer pressure can be very powerful. My suggestion is that we train kids to use it for the common good.

    As to the OP's situation, if this were October I might have a conversation with the school so they could keep an eye out for situations like this. It's late May. What do you expect the school to do at this point, not let the kid graduate based on only the word of a classmate?
    · Reply · Share
  • cobratcobrat 12207 replies78 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    edited May 2016
    As to the OP's situation, if this were October I might have a conversation with the school so they could keep an eye out for situations like this. It's late May. What do you expect the school to do at this point, not let the kid graduate based on only the word of a classmate?

    Some schools do allow for punishments to be administered/served in the summer. Don't know about you, but having to report to school to serve detention while classmates are enjoying the summer weather isn't exactly fun.

    Also, it is not merely the word of a classmate.

    This kid has had previous history of similar behavior which was documented electronically. It's more than "the word of a classmate" and would be actionable in many school districts I know of where younger relatives have attended/recently graduated from within the last couple of years.
    edited May 2016
    · Reply · Share
  • carolinamom2boyscarolinamom2boys 6895 replies223 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    I'm not advocating he not receive his diploma, but walking across that stage is a privilege , not a right. IMO.
    · Reply · Share
  • HappyAlumnusHappyAlumnus 1174 replies46 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    edited May 2016
    OP, I would get your daughter to build a case against the guy buy going to all of her friends who know of his racist statements and come up with a detailed list of the statements that he's made. Then I would go to the principal of the HS and show the list and demand that he be forced to apologize for what he's said. It's important to teach this guy a lesson, as if he's offended your daughter, he's hurt others. You're actually doing him a favor by letting the axe fall now, rather than waiting until he's in his 20s and out working, so think of this as trying to be helpful and actually kind towards him.

    edited May 2016
    Post edited by MaineLonghorn on
    · Reply · Share
  • cobratcobrat 12207 replies78 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    edited May 2016
    I'm not advocating he not receive his diploma, but walking across that stage is a privilege , not a right. IMO.

    Some schools also reserve the right to not release the earned diploma until all outstanding disciplinary and/or financial obligations are settled.

    Knew of a few situations where high schools withheld earned diplomas because the student concerned accumulated library fines without being eligible for a financial waiver because his/her parents were financially well off. They just procrastinated* on paying the fines until they found the school was withholding the diploma and not releasing the final transcript to the college until those fines were made good.

    * Neighbor of older relatives who felt those fines weren't a priority...until they found their kid's college plans may be in question because the HS was withholding the diploma and final transcript the college required for enrollment.
    edited May 2016
    · Reply · Share
  • kchenddskchendds 264 replies42 threadsRegistered User Member
    edited May 2016
    @carolinamom2boys The boy is a nominee of the valedictorian/Student of the Year (even though D has higher GPA than him and obviously he is having some Cs this semester) and I believe he and my daughter are both Scholar Athlete of the Year. So, for sure he will appear on the stage for more than once.
    edited May 2016
    · Reply · Share
  • cobratcobrat 12207 replies78 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    @carolinamom2boys The boy is a nominee of the valedictorian/Student of the Year (even though D has higher GPA than him and obviously he is having some Cs this semester) and I believe he and my daughter are both Scholar Athlete of the Year. So, for sure he will appear on the stage for more than once.

    So I take it your D's HS is one of those where Val/Sal is basically a popularity contest rather than chosen on who had the highest/second highest GPAs respectively and possibly provided he/she hadn't had serious outstanding disciplinary issues?
    · Reply · Share
This discussion has been closed.

Recent Activity