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To those parents who CAN afford tuition but who REFUSE to contribute a dime...

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Replies to: To those parents who CAN afford tuition but who REFUSE to contribute a dime...

  • anomanderanomander 1678 replies4 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    As long as it's two consenting adults I don't really see the problem. Society has a lot of double standards with regards to relationships women have with wealthy men. Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman - "OMG that's soooo romantic!" Woman who really, really wants to have kids and be a stay at home mom supported by a spouse, "Living the dream". Young adult woman who wants to earn a graduate degree, "Morally conflicted."
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  • prospect1prospect1 1391 replies41 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    Well, it's not just female students and wealthy men; it's also male students and wealthy women. That's neither here nor there; I'm just pointing that out.

    I don't find the arrangement "immoral" necessarily. I find it sad that there are young students feeling such pressure to pay for college that they must do things they would not otherwise dream of doing.

    If these kids are doing it just for spending money, then I don't care. The article implies that these students are doing it because they can't afford an education.
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  • anomanderanomander 1678 replies4 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    Well, it's not just female students and wealthy men; it's also male students and wealthy women. That's neither here nor there; I'm just pointing that out.
    Yup, also part of the double standard as we (society in general) don't get as outraged when the arrangement is in this direction.
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  • FluentInCarbsFluentInCarbs 112 replies0 threadsRegistered User Junior Member
    It is sad and I hope these people can live happy well adjusted lives. Several of friends felt the same way about the military. Family pressure and they don't have money for schooling makes them join. Of course they can't voice these feelings out loud or they will be branded as unpatriotic. Education is slowly reverting back to the model of the haves vs the haves-nots I agree with you @prospect1
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  • TatinGTatinG 6430 replies113 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    Makes me think of "Lyin' Eyes", The Eagles.

    Someday these women are going to regret their really bad choices.
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  • prospect1prospect1 1391 replies41 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    As I think about it, the title of this thread isn't really right; I think most parents do try to do the best they can for their kids. There are certainly some I have come across that insist that they put themselves through college by working part time, so Junior can do the same (as if it's as easy now as it was back in our day). And then there's the ones where the wealthy parent has "left the building" so to speak and the kids can't qualify for aid on their own and the parent won't contribute. Of course, such kids have options beyond prostituting themselves, or joining the military, or selling drugs, or whatever other desperate options are out there.

    I am wondering if most of the students "seeking arrangements" are middle-to-upper middle class at a minimum. Wouldn't you need to have some means in order to be attractive to the "clientele" (i.e., proper grooming, attire, etc.)?
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  • saillakeeriesaillakeerie 2226 replies0 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    Remember, you don't pay a prostitute for sex. You pay her to leave when its done. ;)
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  • oldfortoldfort 22944 replies290 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    Most people make compromises for financial reasons at one time or another. Not sure having sex for money is worse than giving up one's dream/ideal/integrity for money is any worse. I guess I am in the camp of as long as they are consenting adults, it's hard for me to judge. In this case, they are actually getting an education out of it instead material goods or drugs.
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  • zannahzannah 1078 replies12 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    Yeah, and the woman got a nice briefcase as a graduation present from Sam.

    I see discussion here periodically about how much parents should pay and how to be fair when contributing to several kids' educations. Not the happiest thought, but a good college education can be obtained at even relatively cheap schools such as the local campus of a state college. I also know that a really good education is not dependent on the name or the price tag of the school. Settling for an affordable school ultimately accomplishes what an expensive, private, elite school also provides. Graduation. Disappointing but not the end of the world.

    Parents may be willing to let you sleep in your own bed, eat at the kitchen table, and let you use the family laundry, but not be willing or able to contribute to tuition. The time of the year or surprises such as illness may cause major fluctuations in parental income. Parents and kids must work together within the family context.

    As far as paying for multiple kids, some colleges cost more, but the additional cost is well-worth the money for a particular student. I would do as much for that student as I could. Yet a sibling could find a great niche at a cheaper school. To be fair and affordable, I think I would go for a fixed amount per child and then provide what help I could toward the more expensive option. My sister and I argue vigorously and always have, but the differences in parental contribution to our educations have never been a topic of high- or low-pitched conversation.

    Of course, it is always a good idea to get the kids' input. My sister changed majors and lost a wonderful scholarship. Everyone agreed that she had made a better choice. We both sought additional funding at school; but, ultimately, our family paid more for her education. I was good with that then and now, even when she needed five years to graduate. We all made a commitment to getting us both through school rather than seeking equivalent amounts from family.

    I agree most kids contribute significantly to completely for graduate education. If, as a parent, I could contribute to the cost of graduate study, I would fund incidentals such as a plane ticket home for the holidays or some semblance of a car. I would do what I could to ensure that the student did not attend school a class or two per semester because that jeopardizes the coherence of the program; puts the student at risk of fluctuations in life over time such as employment, marriage, transfers; and means fewer relationships with others in the program are made. Besides the student would age which may present problems theoretically (change in thrust of program) or practically (change in rent, books). Get in and get it done! As soon as one is done, money can go to siblings or even be kept by parents for worthy causes such as travel.
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  • quietdesperationquietdesperation 545 replies60 threadsRegistered User Member
    edited May 2016
    my dad, for whatever reason, waited until after admission decisions to let me know that he wasn't going to pay a dime. When I pointed out he should have told me before I applied, he said "Well honestly, I didn't think you'd get into cornell". My dad never explained his reasons, he was a finance genius, but I was one of five kids and he may have been worried about retirement.

    I went to our state flagship tuition free, was an RA (free room) and worked three jobs to pay for board/books/spending money. Still, I had some hungry nights. As one might expect, I had a leg up in terms of work ethic when I joined the work force and used that advantage throughout my career.

    I noodled around whether to put our 3 kids through a similar ringer but in the end, decided to pay for their college education. They're expected to work summers and have a pt job after soph year.

    Personally, I see sugaring as prostitution but, since I believe prostitution should be legal, I don't have a problem with it. Still, I'd feel pretty badly if I could afford to pay for my kid's education and they availed themselves of a sugar daddy relationship.
    edited May 2016
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  • OldFashioned1OldFashioned1 110 replies3 threadsRegistered User Junior Member
    I have friends and colleagues in two-income households pulling in $100k-150k and drive new leased cars, boat, RV, perhaps even a lake house and $0 in a college fund for their kids. Not saying they're rich, but they make too much to cry poor when college rolls around for their children. It's one thing if your kids are the 4.0, 98 percentile SAT, as they'll have full rides. But if they're not, you just expect them to go to the army? Very bizarre.
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  • Sportsman88Sportsman88 1571 replies13 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    But that's not what the linked article is about. It's about $60,000/year for law school. Leased cars are awful for most folks and that alone points to bad financial planning. If someone is leasing two cars with an RV and boat at $150,000 they are probably struggling with cash flow unless they are in one of the cheapest housing areas and/or not contributing to their own retirement any more than than kid's college.

    I think the parent's who refuse to contribute to kid's college when the ability is there is a small number and has nothing to do with seeking sugar daddies. If a parent sets a budget of $25,000/year, that's not the same as not providing full support to a child who chooses to go to a $60k school with a net price well over $25k.

    Thankfully I taught my kids to manage money so they understand budgets both for general expenses and college.
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  • MarianMarian 13200 replies83 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    I noodled around whether to put our 3 kids through a similar ringer but in the end, decided to pay for their college education. They're expected to work summers and have a pt job after soph year.

    I think you made a sound decision. The cost of college has increased so drastically since we were students that a situation that was apparently a good learning experience for you might have been impossible for your kids.
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  • prospect1prospect1 1391 replies41 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    edited May 2016
    I don't think the article is just about law school...or even grad school. It's about 2 million students seeking to avoid educational debt through prostitution. What led these 2 million students to seek such arrangements is probably the result of many different circumstances and varied scenarios. Hard to judge when not in their shoes. All I know is, as a parent, I'd sooner prostitute MYSELF than make my child feel the need to do so.

    On the other hand, I'm sure some of these students are doing this just for extra spending money, or adventure, or fits and giggles, or maybe even because they prefer this type of work to some other means of funding their education. I'm only saddened by the ones who are doing it because they feel they have no other choice.
    edited May 2016
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  • LindagafLindagaf 9226 replies495 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    Haven't read the whole thread, but I dislike this mentality of calling the woman a hooker and no mention of the sugar daddy being a victimizer, exploiter, immoral, corrupt, etc...
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  • oldfortoldfort 22944 replies290 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    Leased cars are awful for most folks and that alone points to bad financial planning.
    I actually do not agree with this. I have done some calculations and leasing is not a bad option. I do not understand why people jump to that conclusion.
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  • Sportsman88Sportsman88 1571 replies13 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    Leased car may be a decent option for some who drive a limited number of miles but that's not most people. It's also for those who accept that they will always have a monthly payment instead of vehicle that is paid in full. But debating this would surely derail the thread.

    My instistence in this thread is more that the OP took an article about a poor way to pay for education and in bold caps insulted it was the fault of parents who chose not to pay for their kids' education despite the means. That's quite a leap and I still expect that parents who fall in that category are a minority.
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  • oldfortoldfort 22944 replies290 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    There indeed has been many discussions about lease vs buy on CC, but I have found most people are not aware how leasing works because they never looked into it.
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  • OldFashioned1OldFashioned1 110 replies3 threadsRegistered User Junior Member
    edited May 2016
    @oldfort I'm not going to get into a leasing vs. buying debate, but if your children's college fund sits at $0 you shouldn't be driving two new cars, period. That was my point.

    @Sportsman88 I was just expanding on how some students are left holding the bag because of careless parents. For every hooker, there are probably 1,000 kids rotting at an under matched college or heading to the army because their parents left them $0 and didn't bother planning.

    If you don't plan to save a penny for their college, you better have conversations about the grades and SAT # they'll need to go to the local U or Alabama, etc. for free.
    edited May 2016
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