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Daughter lost her scholarship

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Replies to: Daughter lost her scholarship

  • GoNoles85GoNoles85 730 replies51 threads Member
    OP,

    If you don't want to pay, don't pay. Tell her why you are cutting off the funds. Tell her you are mad. Very mad. Don't pussy foot around the issue(s) either. Straight talk. No equivocation either. Be clear. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Never bluff. If you don't mean it don't say it. Give her a chance to explain herself. Listen. Be fair and reasonable. Calm down. Think about it. Ask follow up questions after a few days. Check with husbands, wives, spouses, whatever. Then tell her how to earn back your trust and your money. That is what I would do. And I am very rarely wrong. About anything.
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  • GMTplus7GMTplus7 14268 replies297 threads Senior Member
    Before S1 headed off to college with a generous merit scholarship, we told him the cautionary take of his 2 cousins mentioned in post#15.

    We made it clear to him that if he doesn't do his part, then neither shall we.

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  • twoinanddonetwoinanddone 24783 replies20 threads Senior Member
    If either of my children lost their scholarships, I wouldn't necessarily think it was because they were partying or not taking college seriously. One has some learning issues and the other is in a tough engineering school. However, it wouldn't matter what the reason was, I can't pay, borrow, or steal the money they'd need to remain at the school.

    I'd just feel a lot more compassion for them losing it because of a 'good' reason than I would if either was crowned party princess. Result would be the same (couldn't return to school) but my attitude would be different.
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  • ordinarylivesordinarylives 3212 replies45 threads Senior Member
    Very practically, if she needed the scholarship to attend and the scholarship is gone, there's no choice but plan B. Hopefully, you can figure out a plan B together. I don't hold out a lot of hope for an appeal for a student who had all D's and F's.

    I know you're upset, but your daughter is not the first to flame out and she certainly won't be the last. I've worked with college freshmen for a couple,of decades and can tell you that relationships (starting them, ending them, staying in them) derail a lot of young people, especially those without, as you put it, common sense. There's no parent sending the beloved home or insisting that the phone gets put away so homework gets done. We forget that the prefrontal cortex is still maturing, and with any maturation process, it happens later in some than others.
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  • prospect1prospect1 1391 replies41 threads Senior Member
    Ugh.

    I think D owes you a very complete and detailed explanation. Kids don't usually earn 100% full rides without a lot of careful and loving upbringing from parents like you. Your hopes and dreams must feel just as dashed as her own.

    Once you get that explanation, you might feel a lot more sympathetic to how this all came about - or you might feel more angry - but either way, the wound needs to be fully and completely cleaned out.

    If D lost the scholarship for "unsympathetic" reasons, I really like the idea of D taking a year off to work. She needs to understand the value of what she lost.

    If D has experienced tragic events that you may not be aware of, perhaps some counseling with a gentle re-entry into the academic world (community college, say) would be in order....with a more focused game plan to follow.

    And, as many have advised, I would make sure to contact the college and determine what, if anything, could be done to reinstate the scholarship.

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  • Marakov29Marakov29 111 replies3 threads Junior Member
    I would definitely see if you can get that scholarship reinstated. While community college or taking a year off to work may be good for teaching her a lesson, doing so would also mean giving up that scholarship for good and then you'd be looking at two years of CC tuition and two years of full-pay at a university. Although if the scholarship is gone forever it's a moot point.
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  • OldFashioned1OldFashioned1 110 replies3 threads Junior Member
    edited May 2016
    Sorry to be blunt, but she's partying and shacking up with a boy and checked out — and she assumes mommy will save the day and pay her tuition in the fall, so the FREEDOM can continue. She thinks you'll be too embarrassed to make her come home and attend community college.

    Failing all classes requires SERIOUS tune out. Not going to class, wasn't doing homework, wasn't studying, & bombed midterms. I'm going to assume the boy is a loser (a straight A boy isn't going to find it attractive for his gf to skip all her classes), so I'd be very worried about a surprise, if you catch my drift.
    edited May 2016
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  • prospect1prospect1 1391 replies41 threads Senior Member
    @OldFashioned1 - maybe you are right, but maybe not. I think this girl's parents should not jump to conclusions before knowing all the facts. Like you say, failing all classes is very extreme. The explanation could be something extreme too, and beyond the normal partying-too-hard scenario.
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  • albert69albert69 3191 replies56 threads Senior Member
    The fact is we don't know all the details. Perhaps she was burned out from the first semester - 18 credits is a lot to handle, and while she did, it may have worn her out and made it harder to re-engage the following semester.

    Is this boyfriend her first one? Do you know anything about him?

    Good luck getting though this, OP.
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  • mamommamom 3704 replies24 threads Senior Member
    Time to move forward. Contact the school and find out if there is anyway of getting the scholarship back. Can she take summer classes to make up for the failed ones? If so, you need to move fast, classes may have already started. If not, what is plan B. Did you save any money for her college education? My feeling is if you saved money for her education, it should still be available to her. Sure she lost the full ride, hopefully you know why now. Was it the medical issues? Or partying or depression? whatever. Solve that issue and move on. Fine to be mad, heck my S lost his full tuition scholarship too, I know that feeling. But, it doesn't provide a path forward. Best of luck to you and your D.
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  • bopperbopper Forum Champion CWRU 14500 replies106 threads Forum Champion
    edited June 2016
    I have a family friend whose son was very smart and went off to a college 10 hours (driving) away...but was asked to leave before Thanksgiving...he had undiagnosed Austism Spectrum Disorder and had trouble with Executive Functioning...the part of the brain that plans.
    Up until now, HS structure and parental support may have kept your daughter focused. But on her own, she might not be capable of planning her day and thinking of consequences.
    Or up until now, if you had health problems in school, mom took you to the doctor and HS let you make up/slide.

    I would address this not by getting mad but saying that this school is no longer affordable. She needs to get her health addressed and you can't afford to pay for it...and you won't co-sign loans as that is too much debt to take on, esp. since last semester did not go well. You think a good plan might be to address her health, live at home for support...take CC courses and then transfer somewhere affordable Junior year.

    Also, how bad was the health issues? DId you follow up at home? Would it be possible to do a retroactive medical withdrawal? That may erase last semester and allow the scholarship to continue.
    edited June 2016
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