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Feeling a little disappointed by child's decision

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Replies to: Feeling a little disappointed by child's decision

  • billcshobillcsho Registered User Posts: 16,695 Senior Member
    What is more important than the school rank is how does the student fit in that school. There are plenty of students choosing a lower rank school for different reasons including location, final cost, friends, major available, size of school, etc. In any case, it will be a big change for the freshmen in college and you do not want to be blamed for the decision.
  • TrisherellaTrisherella Registered User Posts: 932 Member
    We have the opposite going on. My son is deciding between FSU and UF. I feel that FSU is the better fit for him, however at this point suddenly UF has risen in his estimation and he is leaning that way. I think. Hopefully he will make his decision soon! I told him I felt he could get a terrific education at either school. I also told him why I thought FSU was the better fit, but ultimately it will be up to him.
  • jajsmomjajsmom Registered User Posts: 20 New Member
    Trisherella, mine didn't apply to FSU , but now I wish she had. I think both FSU and UF would be great choices. Plus, they offer the most math programs. Guess she could consider them down the road too. Would need to tour first to she if it could be an option.
  • jajsmomjajsmom Registered User Posts: 20 New Member
    Billcsho, it's just that UF offers a lot more in the math area and more choices if she decided to change her major compared to UWF.
  • MaryGJMaryGJ Registered User Posts: 798 Member
    edited April 19
    Some kids are bold. Some kids are anxious. Some kids like to be challenged to their limit. Some kids like their path to be easier and steady.

    They're like people that way.

    You can't create a bold ambitious kid. They are who they are. You are who you are. Being different from you kiddo is ok.

    Respect her for who she is. Take pride in her accomplishments.

    Consider this....maybe your wish for her to have more bold ambition....is really a wish that you had more bold ambition yourself?

    Maybe you should take some chances and explore some ambitious options in your life....be who you are.

    Let her be who she is:)
  • mom2andmom2and Registered User Posts: 2,160 Senior Member
    OP, I understand your disappointment. The OP has said it is her daughter's decision and is proud of her, but feels like the daughter may not be making the best decision. But nowhere does she say she will not respect or honor her kid's choices. I think she just want some validation that her (OP's) feelings are valid. And they certainly are. For most of us, there are times when we think our child is not making the best decision. And at times parents are right - kids have a vision of a school that is just not accurate or don't realize that course offerings are more important than other factors.

    But of course it is ultimately the kid's decision to make, right or wrong, and the parents job to respect that decision.
  • AlwaysLearnAlwaysLearn Registered User Posts: 201 Junior Member
    edited April 20
    If you think it is just cold feet/being a little anxious, I would try to steer her towards UF and let her know that if she doesn't like it she can always move back home (or closer to home) and attend UWF.

    Yes, she could do well at either. However, IMHO, there is no comparison between the two schools. As a parent, I would feel the same way about not wanting my daughter to miss out on the opportunity to go to UF.

    Are there admitted student weekends at UF, or does you daughter know anyone who goes there who she can visit and get a 2nd look at the school? Maybe that might change things or make things clearer for her?
  • jajsmomjajsmom Registered User Posts: 20 New Member
    @AlwaysLearn , she knows I would like her to attend there, but I'm not pushing the subject. I've told her it's her decision and I'll be happy for her either way. Our old neighbor lives there going to Grad school and had gone to UWF first, then transferred. She told my daughter she had wished she had applied out of HS and that my daughter could come to her any time. Though she's looking for a job elsewhere now.
    I don't want people getting the wrong idea. I'm not pushing her either way. It's her decision. This is just my vent on how I feel as to her decision. In the end, she'll do well wherever she goes. I'm in no way making her feel bad about her decision.
  • jajsmomjajsmom Registered User Posts: 20 New Member
    @mom2and , exactly. Thank you.
  • blevineblevine Registered User Posts: 650 Member
    edited April 20
    One of my kids had athletic recruiting interest from a coach at an elite school 3000 miles from home.
    I ask him if he really wanted to be that far from home, and he said "of course" (famous college so exciting).

    Well he ended up going to a college much closer to home. Recently he came home for the day and admitted to missing his parents. So I reminded him of how bold he felt when he was a year younger and faced the potential of a top school far away.

    Can go in either direction, some think they are bold, then find out they are not as bold as they thought.
  • gouf78gouf78 Registered User Posts: 5,698 Senior Member
    OP--I would want my kid at UF over UWF. In the long run, it wouldn't be a deal breaker (and I'd live with it as a parent) but I'd push hard in the meantime and not apologize for doing so. I just think the opportunities are much greater at UF and I wouldn't want my kid to short change herself at this point. I'd be strongly in the camp of "if UF doesn't work out THEN come home". I'd say the transition would be much easier to go to UF and make it home sooner than later (and I don't think it would take long.) (A lot of kids have trouble leaving UF after four or more years--it becomes home.)

    Can she visit again? It is a large campus which sometimes scares kids. But that's a mindset.
    Two things:
    1) The physical campus is large--well, it appears so at first. But it is in sections. There are "areas"--the undergrad class section, the medicine section (hospitals, vet school, med school etc.), engineering buildings, the agricultural parts, business school, law school, etc. Bunches of compartments. Which keeps it very small after you've chosen what you want to major in. And it's exciting to be in a place where so much is happening.

    2) The number of kids is large.
    My sister said to me eons ago...."Guess what? You don't need to meet 30K kids. You only meet the ones in classes who sit next to you. The people on your floor in the dorm. You only meet the ones in clubs you decide to join. You've already got a ton in common! You actually see the SAME people every day at the same time even as you pass on the street because you all have a common schedule. It's not big at all. You'll even start to recognize them on the street even if you don''t know their name." (She was right--it's a very small town. You can't name everyone in your own small home town but you do call it home.)
  • gouf78gouf78 Registered User Posts: 5,698 Senior Member
    "One of my kids had athletic recruiting interest from a coach at an elite school 3000 miles from home.
    I ask him if he really wanted to be that far from home, and he said "of course" (famous college so exciting).

    Well he ended up going to a college much closer to home. Recently he came home for the day and admitted to missing his parents. So I reminded him of how bold he felt when he was a year younger and faced the potential of a top school far away."

    Not to sidetrack but...
    ---Well, my question would still be---should he have tried for that top school 3000 miles away? ---
    Would that have been a better choice? For him? Did parents help guide that decision? Or sit with no opinion?
    I don't think "missing your parents" is a factor in boldness. Hopefully that means you had a good home life and that your parents support you no matter how far away you travel from the nest.
  • happy1happy1 Registered User Posts: 18,209 Senior Member
    The only comment I want to add is that transferring can be difficult. Most friend groups are formed freshman year and it can be hard to break in. In addition, when you transfer the students who have been at the school from the start are already settled in on campus, used to the academic demands, have their routines etc. and it will take some effort to kind of catch-up. I did transfer many years ago -- I'm glad I did and it worked out extremely well for me but I always wished that I had the opportunity to start off as a freshman at that college. It still may be the best plan for your D to start closer to home, but she should consider that there may be some bumps along the road if she does transfer later on.
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