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Did you expect your OOS kid to come home after graduation?


Replies to: Did you expect your OOS kid to come home after graduation?

  • delilahxcdelilahxc Registered User Posts: 239 Junior Member
    @LBad96 - my son had the stats to get into many, many excellent choices. None of which I could afford. Stats are only part of the equation. Stats by themselves do not guarantee anything.
  • lookingforwardlookingforward Registered User Posts: 26,477 Senior Member
    Let your sister's needs and preferences guide *her* choices. You keep emphasizing how much you detest NJ, but that's you. Give her the chance to work her own way through this, come to her own decisions.

    Fact is: many, many people like NJ. You don't like: your hs experience, the tourists and congestion, some less friendliness. But may see it differently. ( And no one has sausage and peppers like NJ.)

    We get you don't want to be there. But we're saying you need to work your way out of it. And we're cautioning against trying to influence what should be your sister's choices, her chance to put her 2+2 together.
  • bodanglesbodangles Registered User Posts: 9,055 Senior Member
    Also, why would my post-grad jobs elsewhere not work out if I apply early enough?

    Depending on how the next year and summer goes, GPA and/or lack of relevant experience, maybe? Competition can be rough, especially if you limit yourself to a specific geographic area.

    I applied to ~25 internships this year, 2 interviews, 1 offer. The applications were spread across a range of states. I think what hurt me was my lack of experience. And in the end I had to compromise on what I wanted -- the offer was far from home.

    For full-time positions I'll be applying to many more than 25.
  • lookingforwardlookingforward Registered User Posts: 26,477 Senior Member
    Applying early may be good. But you still need to get the job. You said you applied for some NY area internships for this summer. Did any of those lead to interviews? You can see many are competitive, as bodangles shows.

    Planning is important, but it's not all in the planing, it's the action.
    Mathmom noted her son did some unpaid internships in NYC. Sometimes, when a paying position doesn't come through- or the unpaid is more relevant, better for the resume- if you can't afford living on your own, you're left with living at home, maybe commuting. Dollars and cents.
  • LBad96LBad96 Registered User Posts: 3,499 Senior Member
    @delilahxc that's very unfortunate. I hope your son found an affordable choice that he likes.

    @lookingforward she WANTS to go OOS, but not necessarily further than the Northeast. All I'm advising her is to be more open to potential options that may be further away, but more inclined to give her merit as a result (such as App State or Davidson). She doesn't mind staying in NJ but would prefer to leave.

    @bodangles wow. That was really tough. You're from PA, I'm assuming? For full-time positions, I'm thinking I would be particularly open to NC, VA, TX, PA (I would love Pittsburgh and probably wouldn't mind Philly), MD, DC, DE, WI, OH, MI, WA, CO, OR, CA. So I would definitely be applying all over. I applied to about 12 internships, 10 of which were in the NYC area, but only one of them responded.

    I do have a job interview on Friday, though. Hoping for good things to come from that.
  • bodanglesbodangles Registered User Posts: 9,055 Senior Member
    edited May 2017
    And in case my anecdotes are too specific to my field, I helped a friend in the social sciences set up a resume and sent him a bunch of links to paying internships. He got something unpaid in the end. Nothing else bit.

    Good luck with the interview!
  • ColoradomamaColoradomama Registered User Posts: 1,448 Senior Member
    @LBad96 Sorry you are having some struggles, here are some questions to think about, you do not need to answer these, just reflect on them when you have time:

    What is your major? Have you done some research on what careers will be available to you with this major?
    Can try to set up some informational interviews with professionals in the field that interests you? Do you have a Linkedin resume set up and have you got training on how to use Linkedin? Have you used your public library to explore career options? Have you used the placement office at your university? Can they pair you with an alumni who is in your field, so you have a mentor? Is there a minor you would like to earn too? How can that fit into your studies
    to broaden your knowledge?

    Try to focus less on geography, your parents feelings, or your sister's decisions,
    and much more on your own career goals. Can you take
    some classes this summer part time to explore you goals, or does your summer work take up all your time ?

    NY/NJ/PA are all rather materialistic, and you will find that in any wealthy community across the USA.
    CA for certain is like that. Chapel Hill , NC may seem like that to you too, although I agree that North Carolina
    has a friendlier feel than NJ.

    There is no reason to feel trapped by New Jersey. You can leave there at any time, even if you start your career there, you can leave if you wish. It may be best , given your negative feelings to plan to leave, but just do not go over this yet with your family, you have two years to ease them into this understanding about your preferences.

    Lots of people are from NJ ,its a good place to be from. And its not that different than adjacent NY or PA or Maryland.
  • wis75wis75 Registered User Posts: 12,991 Senior Member
    edited May 2017
    I like post #158. Immigrants left family and home behind. Their kids can too. And- being elsewhere in the US is not an insurmountable travel task, even 3000 miles. No visa required...

    OP has three issues. This summer and after graduation are his. Most students end up at home by default- nothing better/more affordable. Senior year will see a lot of growth/development/maturity/ et al compared to now (that's part of the education) that will determine job hunting. Finally- he is trying to manage his sister. She has a mind of her own.
  • blossomblossom Registered User Posts: 8,696 Senior Member
    Getting the job you want after graduating isn't a function of when you apply.

    Some companies have thousands of applications for every 10 openings in their management training programs. They may decide they want a strategic language- Korean, Farsi, or Mandarin- and you speak French. They may decide they want someone who aced econometrics and you never took it. They may decide that they want to hire engineers and computer scientists even for entry level management roles at a bank that don't require engineering or comp sci. And some companies only make offers for full time to students who complete an internship the summer after their junior year.

    You need to make an appointment at career services at your college for the week you go back. You need to learn how the job market operates.
  • thumper1thumper1 Registered User Posts: 68,487 Senior Member
    Davidson has a few highly competitive merit awards but their aid is primarily need based.
  • doschicosdoschicos Registered User Posts: 17,545 Senior Member
    "Here in NE, in the Northern states of VT. NH. and ME, parents talk a lot about the need for the kids to move away to find work. It is painful for parents but a fact of life."

    I'm late in catching up on this thread but want to comment on this remark many pages back and set the record straight. Unemployment rates in northern New England are amongst the very lowest in the country (of course it can vary across a state, however). There are plenty of jobs for college graduates in these states but they tend to be with smaller/medium sized companies. The states lack major cities that many young people gravitate as being hip but it is not for lack of jobs. On the other hand, all are great places to raise a family and for those that relish outdoors pursuits.

    Current unemployment rates
    VT 2.8%
    NH 2.8%
    ME 3.0%
  • LBad96LBad96 Registered User Posts: 3,499 Senior Member
    All your points are received in earnest.

    My sister is taking both the SAT and ACT next month, so she probably won't post herself until then. *sighs* I just want her to post herself lol. As much as I genuinely enjoy helping her find colleges to look at, I can't do it alone. No way. I also enjoy being her agent (as I like to call it lol), but I definitely need some assistance on suggesting colleges for her. I think it would be cool if she looked at NC State, App State, and Davidson, but we will see once she posts. Perhaps some of you will have better suggestions for her.
  • gunnerzgunnerz Registered User Posts: 301 Member
    Our son is graduating from the University of Denver and has a job lined up in Boston. We live in New Jersey.

    Our daughter went to college in North Carolina, attended law school there and now lives and works in N.C.
  • austinmshauriaustinmshauri Registered User Posts: 6,669 Senior Member
    Maybe you should let your parents guide your sister and let her find her own way.
  • LBad96LBad96 Registered User Posts: 3,499 Senior Member
    @austinmshauri why should I let my parents guide her and back off totally? What will be a benefit of that?
This discussion has been closed.