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Replies to: No excuses

  • HarvestMoon1HarvestMoon1 Registered User Posts: 5,994 Senior Member
    Unbelievable story -- what an inspiration to young men.
  • MaryGJMaryGJ Registered User Posts: 796 Member
    edited May 16
    I don't find this inspiring at all. Guy will eventually have a breakdown or end up with emotional issues that plague his future relationships. Allowing yourself to experience grief is an important part of healing and being human. This sort of unrealistic "heroism" is more pathological than anything to celebrate in my opinion. Kid's whole family got wiped out. Father, mother, brother, sister. Dead. If you can continue to be a cutthroat achievement seeker and graduate valedictorian after that....I would really worry about your priorities in life.
  • wis75wis75 Registered User Posts: 12,369 Senior Member
    Different strokes for different folks. It seems as though he made a good choice of schools for him. The military will give him the family support he lost. I do not see the problems proposed by post #2 because he was already in a mindset with his schooling before his losses. His comment about school gave him a future instead of just a past. I think post #4 has a better handle on this man. He is continuing on the path he set out on with a lot of support both from his school and the structure of being in the military.

    Interesting how many very diverse ways there are to raise a child. There are reasons people choose/avoid colleges. He is fortunate his fit him. Radically different from what we believe and good choices for our son.

    I can't help thinking about how the military has changed without the draft. I was a teen/college student during the Vietnam War era. Huge differences. All sorts of discussion could result...

  • tutumom2001tutumom2001 Registered User Posts: 568 Member
    edited May 18
    People grieve in different ways. Some people a year of emotional tears while others need the comfort of maintaining daily rituals. No way is the right way for everyone. I can see where "putting his head down and immersing himself in the busy schedule" would help him as they were his decisions to grieve in the way he wanted to. If he can deal with these tragedies and still stay strong, it will make him a better Marine on the battlefield.

    The people who have breakdowns in such a situation are the people who want to grieve but feel they can't. I don't get the impression this young man felt he wasn't allowed to grieve.
  • FlaParentFlaParent Registered User Posts: 39 Junior Member
    edited May 18

    @MaryGJ - I find your response, not his, troubling. This young man had things happen in his life that were tragic but that were not of his doing. Yes, his family is gone, bit what would you have him do? In the article, he states that this day "is not about him but the class" but your warped sense of the world requires that he carry that moniker for life and that he becomes a victim to his circumstances.

    I firmly cheer him and jeer you.
  • MaryGJMaryGJ Registered User Posts: 796 Member
    edited May 18
    Societally, we like to pretend that grief is something healthy people move through without many problems, when in reality grief is something we learn to cope with over time. A lot of time. Grief is also cumulative.

    We also like to pretend that having your entire family snuffed out unexpectedly won't leave you with massive Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that will grossly complicate future interpersonal relationships. We further like to pretend that PTSD is a simple thing that the kindness and understanding of the right pretty girl will cure....when in reality, the right pretty girl often finds herself on the abusive end of PTSD...and people die from it daily by taking their own lives.

    Part of the reason we have so many PTSD deaths is the expectation of unrealistic false-bravado attitudes expressed in articles like this one. "No Excuses" even when your whole family is killed? Seriously?

    I'm not faulting the young man for coping any way he can. I'm faulting those who see his efforts as admirable and heroic...when he should be encouraged to save his own life by getting help addressing what happened, instead of running from it.

    A huge contributing factor to our suicide epidemic among veterans is America's denial of mental health realities.

    Let's praise this kid for "pulling himself up by the bootstraps and getting on with his life" is not an appropriate reaction to a tragedy of this magnitude...or the psychological damage that's been inflicted.

  • barronsbarrons Registered User Posts: 24,581 Senior Member
    Yes, far more heroic to curl up and suck your thumb for 12 months.
  • CTTCCTTC Registered User Posts: 2,130 Senior Member
    I just hope that his younger brother won't have to endure the tragedy of his brother dying in battle (or from any otherh cause)!
  • sylvan8798sylvan8798 Registered User Posts: 5,954 Senior Member
    edited May 19
    barrons wrote:
    Yes, far more heroic to curl up and suck your thumb for 12 months.
    Yes, perhaps you can convey that to the returning veterans with PTSD who are killing themselves at alarming rates.

    This young man's story is far from over.
  • moooopmoooop Registered User Posts: 1,575 Senior Member
    Mary, there are some very tough people in the world who can endure pain and overcome suffering. This guy would seem to be one of those people. All Barrons & others are doing is saluting him for his strength & courage & determination. No need to project flaws on him.
  • tutumom2001tutumom2001 Registered User Posts: 568 Member
    @MaryGJ "I'm not faulting the young man for coping any way he can. I'm faulting those who see his efforts as admirable and heroic...when he should be encouraged to save his own life by getting help addressing what happened, instead of running from it."

    How do you know he hasn't grieved just because he hasn't demonstrated that he should grieve the way you want him to? I lost a parent as a young child. Yes, I grieved. I talked about it with family and friends. I did not go into some deep depression in which I dwelt on it day after day, month after month, year after year. It sucked, but I am the type of person who needs the continuity of life's day-to-day rituals to keep me sane in adversity. It sounds like he has a great support system and if he feels the need to talk to someone, he will. But, it is entirely possible that he has dealt with the tragedy in his own way.

    Yes, there are many military personnel who return from war with PTSD. Some of them probably never had the mental toughness to deal with war in the first place and never should have gone. However, there are many more who fight the fight, witness atrocities, learn to deal with them, and go on to lead happy lives without any mental breakdowns. Some people are just more mentally tough than other people. The purpose of VMI is to create military leaders for our battlefields. Their grit that got them there in the first place, combined with their intense military training, creates a different mindset than that of an enlisted recruit straight out of high school.
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