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How to Get Through Applications Without Screwing Up Parent-Child Relationship?


Replies to: How to Get Through Applications Without Screwing Up Parent-Child Relationship?

  • sdl0625sdl0625 Registered User Posts: 279 Junior Member
    to solve this problem, we hired a reasonable college consultant, who helped D with the essay , but more importantly, met with D once week for an hour or two starting in middle August, to help her get everything done on the applications. The burden was then off of me, and just like having an assignment due for class, she had certain tasks that were "due" once a week . Overall I probably paid around 500$. but it was worth every bit.
    With current S19. i am , with his criteria, helping to choose colleges to visit, and making him think about what he wants to accomplish his Junior year. Next summer he will be starting his process, and yes, I will be hiring the same person to help him.

    BTW i know plenty of kids, mostly male, who have procrastinated to the last minute. One missed the Nov 1st deadline for a last minute school, and ended up getting in, but not getting the needed money that EA would have provided. i think the whole process just terrifies them, especially the rejection.
  • Studious99Studious99 Registered User Posts: 713 Member
    First of all, you need to relax! Some of my most key college applications didn't even come out until mid-to-late October last fall. Now that was stressful! It sounds like your son is doing very well on his essay, already having a rough draft. Honestly, I found it easier to write essays during the school year when I had access to advice from English teachers and counselors. I would continue to encourage him to get his Common App essay done and maybe 1 or 2 supplements, but ease off on the pressure otherwise. There's really no rush at this time of year.
  • romanigypsyeyesromanigypsyeyes Registered User Posts: 32,551 Senior Member
    It's July...
    Really, it's July.

    personally, I'd give him your financial parameters and expectations (for example, barring something major, he has to start college this fall whether it be a uni or cc) and tell him you're there if he needs help.

    By the time you apply for colleges, you're mere months from college. IMO, you should be able to get it together to get apps in on time.

    (Usual caveat that my opinions apply to most, not all students. I of course recognize that there students with special needs.)
  • compmomcompmom Registered User Posts: 8,228 Senior Member
    edited July 27
    I would leave it alone. It's summer and the living is supposed to be easy :) (Though his summer sounds awfully short). Let him relax before the senior year onslaught.

    Two of my kids finished their essays the night of the deadline. I felt that was pretty normal. They went to tippy top schools. Photograph albums whether hard copy or on the computer, can be powerful inspiration for essays. Some of the best ones are about perfectly ordinary things. If you keep making a big deal about the essay, he won't be able to do it.

    My son showed little interest at one point and clearly felt I was nagging. I told him, in a friendly and serious way, that he did not have to go to college and could work instead if he liked. I went out and when I came back he had done a color coded schedule for visits!

    I know that kids apply to so many schools these days, but keep it down. That is a better way to decrease stress than to nag him all summer. I can't imagine doing a spreadsheet but that just lets you know I am a bit dated :)

    Remember what you wrote here and act on it: your relationship IS more important.
  • compmomcompmom Registered User Posts: 8,228 Senior Member
    I can't imagine doing that but every kid is different. The thing, is the next year when they are at college, they will be on their own so this really has to be a training wheels year. They don't have to ride the bike but it helps if they think they are riding it.

    I think the first post in the thread "I need to back off" is very well written.
  • MassmommMassmomm Registered User Posts: 2,810 Senior Member
    With kid #1, we didn't do anything except discuss finances.
    With kid #2, we bought the Fiske guide and gave it to him. We also suggested colleges that he might like and told him to be more open-minded.
  • oldfortoldfort Registered User Posts: 21,014 Senior Member
    edited July 27
    D1 was on her own and she ended up finishing up her 10+ college apps over the xmas vacation. D2 had a private college counselor. She had her ED application done by Oct 1 and her RD applications ready to go by Dec 1. Her counselor helped with her essay topics, kept her on schedule. Whenever there was any difference of opinion, we consulted with her counselor.

    D1 is planning her wedding. This time around, I hired a wedding planner for her. The planner is keeping all of us on track and organized.

    Getting a private college counselor may be your answer.
  • ucbalumnusucbalumnus Registered User Posts: 62,974 Senior Member
    edited July 28
    I mean, really, does the average kid need to go visit 5-10 schools? Was this really a thing 20 years ago? Does a kid need to apply to 10 (or more) schools?

    It is probably mostly a thing, then and now, for college-bound students not satisfied with the common destinations of the local community college, a nearby state university, or (for better students) the state flagship. Such students and parents of such students are presumably overrepresented on these forums compared to the general population.

    But higher list prices (including in-state public list prices) may be increasing stress levels, since they put more students and parents in the position of needing financial aid and/or scholarships to afford colleges. Most information that can help determine reach/match/safety pertains to admissions; competitive merit scholarships are much less transparent in this respect. Need-based financial aid before net price calculators was also much less transparent; even with net price calculators, some colleges use less accurate ones that give worse estimates and/or cover fewer possible situations.
  • LeastComplicatedLeastComplicated Registered User Posts: 572 Member
    @usbalumnus So are you saying that kids are applying to more schools because of the rising cost of schools and the schools not being transparent about what need based aid and merit aid might be available or offered? Or that you have to apply to get an idea of what amount of aid might be offered? Sorry if I'm being obtuse.
  • ucbalumnusucbalumnus Registered User Posts: 62,974 Senior Member
    So are you saying that kids are applying to more schools because of the rising cost of schools and the schools not being transparent about what need based aid and merit aid might be available or offered? Or that you have to apply to get an idea of what amount of aid might be offered? Sorry if I'm being obtuse.

    Some people may apply to more schools because they are seeking scholarships, where there is little transparency (other than automatic-for-stats ones).

    While net price calculators have made financial aid more transparent for many people with respect to many colleges, some people with less common financial situations may still find need-based financial aid not to be transparent, so they may apply to more schools hoping for better need-based financial aid. It is still more stressful for some than when prices were lower, and more people knew that the list price was affordable.
  • LeastComplicatedLeastComplicated Registered User Posts: 572 Member
    @ucbalumnus Well that makes perfect sense, because that had a lot to do with why my daughter applied to so many schools - we did have some special financial circumstances which made us unsure of the FA that we might have been offered. And we did get some surprising and good results. But we still should have been more thoughtful about what schools we recommended that she apply to. It's hard to envision how you might feel about your child attending a certain school until they are actually given the opportunity to do that, and reality hits and you see the negatives of the situation more clearly.
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