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A 19-year-old Weston man who was a freshman at Lafayette College in Pennsylvania died Monday

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Replies to: A 19-year-old Weston man who was a freshman at Lafayette College in Pennsylvania died Monday

  • simba9simba9 Registered User Posts: 2,654 Senior Member
    Years ago I read something that said parents were a child's biggest influence when a child was young. By their mid-teens, it was the kids' peers that had the biggest influence. That generally seems to square what with I've observed.
  • Much2learnMuch2learn Registered User Posts: 4,378 Senior Member
    @doschicos "Let's not place the blame on families all the time when college students do stupid stuff. Many of us, if we are honest, have done our own stupid stuff in our youth. Sometimes luck or the lack of it has a bit to do with it."

    There is a lot of randomness. It is certainly true that there is no way to prevent all of the incidents. Especially for the student involved in the accident, often there is nothing a parent could have done or said. However, most students drink in a group. In many alcohol-related falling deaths the victims friends have an opportunity to make an informed, life-saving decision. Unfortunately, the friends are not prepared to make that decision.

    What percent of parents really prepare their student to make a good decision in that situation? May the kid doesn't listen, but that is no excuse for not trying. They listen more than they let on.

    Still as this predictably happens repeatedly, there parents who are outraged at the school and the friends of the victim who were there. As parents we should focus on what we can control, and prepare our own kids, so more of these incidents can be prevented. As long as everyone is blaming someone else, the situation never improves.
  • jcmom716jcmom716 Registered User Posts: 311 Member
    @Much2learn Agree and it can start before college. In high school, my daughter and her friends knew if there were ever a situation they could call me day or night and I would come get them no questions asked. Before they rode in a car with someone, or in any other bad scenario, they knew they had another option. Luckily my daughter wasn't into drinking in high school, but some of her friends were and I did get a few calls. And we had a situation after high school where mom was called to pick up a few kids after a concert. I did it no questions asked...doesn't mean it's never talked about....just not that night (and you bet you have to get up and go to work the next day!).

    It may not work for everyone, but imo it is much better than years ago when nothing was discussed and it was presumed these things don't occur. If we can take the opportunity not to speculate what may have happened, but instead discuss with our kids what to do if someone needs help, it could go a long way.
  • doschicosdoschicos Registered User Posts: 14,408 Senior Member
    edited September 13
    Why the assumption this isn't discussed in households? It sure has been in mine, discussions about our own kids behavior as well as what they might do if a friend is in trouble. Incidents happen enough that, unfortunately, they present opportunities for talking points. I can't believe we're the only ones doing so. I'm sure we're not. That said, talking about it and making the correct and timely decisions at the time, in the heat of the moment, are two different things.

    I was in a fairly crowded room once when a person was literally choking to death. The poor reactions, decision-making, and pure lack of reaction and response on the part of 98% of the adults in the room, who were all sober, was shocking. I'm sure all of these people have heard multiple times what to do in such an instance but most failed the test. The outcome was not good. Why expect college aged students to be more competent?
  • HMom16HMom16 Registered User Posts: 313 Member
    I have had multiple discussions with my kids on this topic - from the time they were very young. But, I worry every day that something like this will happen. Even with good intentions, kids just don't have the experience to know their limits.

    I think this thread got derailed a bit...but as a parent, regardless of the cause of death, I would be devastated. I am so sorry for this family.
  • jcmom716jcmom716 Registered User Posts: 311 Member
    @doschicos I agree there is discussion in some households, but in my small sample size not much. My daughter and son's friends are surprised how much is discussed in our family, including discussion with their friends. Some think my kids are lucky and others not so much. I do know there is more openness than when I was their age. And I agree it's much more difficult to act when faced with a situation, we can hope they will.
  • preppedparentpreppedparent Registered User Posts: 2,251 Senior Member
    So it sounds like alcohol was a major factor now as reported in the media. So sad.
  • jonrijonri Registered User Posts: 6,946 Senior Member
    edited September 20
    Update. No hazing involved. Drinking was. Fall appears to have been in the dorm, NOT during a party. He didn't fall from the window. Students carried him down to take him to the hospital. http://www.mcall.com/news/breaking/mc-nws-lafayette-college-mccrae-williams-death-20170919-story.html
  • Sue22Sue22 Registered User Posts: 4,449 Senior Member
    It must be doubly hard to assess a head injury in a person who's been drinking heavily. Who doesn't wobble, slur their words and appear confused or sleepy when they're drunk?
  • GnocchiBGnocchiB Registered User Posts: 1,631 Senior Member
    I read the article and I agree with @adlgel - it sounds like the student's friends reacted with a lot of care and concern but he waved it all off over the course of 2 days. So tragic - I feel for his family.
  • MastadonMastadon Registered User Posts: 1,369 Senior Member
    Here is a detailed report of the incident. Drinking plus head trauma. Friends appeared to have followed the protocol to lessen the risk of drowning in vomit, but not for brain trauma.

    http://www.mcall.com/news/breaking/mc-nws-lafayette-college-mccrae-williams-death-20170919-story.html

    1. Many people do not know the concussion/brain trauma protocol, or the fact that it does not take a "significant" impact to cause trauma (hitting your head on the side of the toilet is sufficient) .

    2. It is very risky to leave a person who has experienced brain trauma unattended if they are exhibiting symptoms (this includes letting them sleep without periodically checking on them)

    3. It is very difficult to distinguish between the symptoms of brain trauma and "drunkeness"

    4. Alcohol or drugs in the person's system increase the risk even further

    5. A second trauma within weeks of the first is extremely dangerous

    If a person is drunk enough that their motor skills are impaired, you should not let them out of your sight. You need to try to prevent the possibility of a fall and help get them to a safe place.

    If they exhibit any of the symptoms, call a professional. Err on the side of caution - especially if the person has been out of your sight.


    Please read this link and pass the information on to your kids!

    https://www.brain-injury.org.nz/html/concussion.html

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