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High school suspension


Replies to: High school suspension

  • momofthreeboysmomofthreeboys Registered User Posts: 15,583 Senior Member
    All this speculation about who did what and to what degree is EXACTLY why if I were the OP I'd want a full report in writing for my files. If you all are speculating and guessing about who did what and to what degree the kid can even function in the world appropriately, can you imagine what parents and students who catch wind of this will be like? I'd be worried about slander and defamation and protecting my kid and family from that with every bone in my body. It is nobody's business except the kid, his parents, the school and the girls who witnessed and reported and their parents.
  • mom2andmom2and Registered User Posts: 2,212 Senior Member
    I think the OP can (and should) ask for a meeting with the GC and whoever else made the decision and the son to understand what happened and to let him express his version of events. I would also do this to ensure son understands the severity of his actions and why such a long suspension was issued. I would also ask that the suspension be removed/sealed from his record prior to college application assuming he never gets in trouble again so he can truthfully respond that he has not been subject to suspension.

    I would not want to escalate this, unless there is significant evidence that the girls were somehow untruthful or targetting this kid and that he did not touch them. It is difficult to argue exactly where he touched them, if he admits to doing at least some of the charges. I think the school would be much more likely to be supportive of this kid if they see that the parents are taking it seriously and that the kid truly did not understand what he did was wrong. Alternatively, if it turns out he did understand this (and be prepared for some uncomfortable moments OP) that the parents will get him counseling or take other action to ensure this does not happen again. If it is his word against theirs, not sure how he can win. And I agree with Jonri, if the parents escalate this further (unless there is new evidence), the school may label him as a trouble-maker and give him a tough time for any minor infraction.
  • jonrijonri Registered User Posts: 7,024 Senior Member
    edited October 2017
    I would wait until he is apply to college to address the question of what will happen then. First, there is no way to know whether the common app question will be the same two years from now as it is now and/or whether he will apply to colleges that don't use the common app and have a different question. Second, there is a better chance of having the high school either not report this and/or explain that it was a minor problem that was quickly resolved IF he actually behaves himself during the next 2 years.
  • momocarlymomocarly Registered User Posts: 348 Member
    Back in 5th grade (last week of school) my son was accused of bullying. The boy was very convincing. It revolved around sports and being hit by a ball during a dodge ball game. We had to come into the school, both parents and have a long talk with the principal, etc. It was a private school. After a long and thorough investigation and threats by the other parent that our child be expelled and a lawyer would be called etc. it turned out it was the other boy bullying multiple kids. The school realized after looking at film etc that our son had done nothing wrong and was blameless. We were told that the other child's parents were not accepting the decision and could cause trouble but the school would stand by our son. He was scared to go back the next year. Turns out the other student did not come back. Two years later he returned to school and father came and talked to us. The parents were getting a divorce at the time and the child was acting out but they were so tied up in other things they didn't see it. They apologized to us. Luckily the kids saw that it was the other kid's problem not my son's from the start.

    I tell this story to show that things are not always as they first seem. Make sure they did investigate thoroughly. Kids can and do set other kids up sometimes. Not that they did in this instance but as a parent I would always want the entire story to be known either so I could get my child help or so the school understands.
  • PetraMCPetraMC Registered User Posts: 224 Junior Member
    There was a boy in my kid's school who did this in 9th grade and I believe basically the same thing happened to him -- suspended but not on his record. The family didn't escalate it and he apologized to the girl. He kept his nose clean for the next few years and went on to a very good college, so I really don't think he had to disclose anything.
  • milee30milee30 Registered User Posts: 160 Junior Member
    Do you have a copy of the school's handbook that describes the school's policies and procedures? If not, get a copy (often found on the school website). Determine:

    1) Exact wording of the Code of Conduct. What exactly constitutes "Inappropriate Touching" (or whatever the exact phrase the school used)?
    2) What disciplinary process does the school use?
    3) What are the methods of appeal?

    This will give you important information about whether the school followed its own rules and processes, which could be very important for the purposes of an appeal. Know this handbook inside and out before taking your next step with the school.

    This will also give you guidance on what the school is required to do with the threats your son is receiving. And finally, if the school doesn't have a handbook readily available, isn't following its own policies or there are other discrepancies, that's something that needs to be addressed immediately - it's not reasonable for the school to not make the rules and procedures available but then expect students and parents to follow them.
  • austinmshauriaustinmshauri Registered User Posts: 5,974 Senior Member
    edited October 2017
    Your son is new to the school, so he's only known these girls for 4 or 5 weeks. If you believe he thinks grabbing the arms and hands of girls he doesn't know is being "friendly and flirtatious," you need to have a serious chat with him.

    I'm not sure what you mean by the new school being "socially liberal" or what that has to do with the reaction he got. You mention that you think he may have been "acting the way the kids at the old school were acting." Has this issue come up before?
  • roethlisburgerroethlisburger Registered User Posts: 1,815 Senior Member
    edited October 2017
    Assuming there are at least 3 accusers, as I understood your story, I think you have an uphill battle in trying to prove your son is innocent. In the long run, the effect on college admissions is going to be a lot more important than whether or not he misses 5 days of school.
  • volleymom7volleymom7 Registered User Posts: 5 New Member
    We as parents are taking this all very seriously and my son has an appointment to see a Counselor today. He has NEVER had any complaints filed against him and again is a dancer and has been around mostly girls dancing for years and there have not been any incidents. He knows we would not condone such behavior.

    He does have trouble making friends and has been teased by other boys in the past for being a dancer so I think he feels more comfortable being around girls. I think he feels pressure to have a girlfriend and thought the girls were reciprocating his feelings. He does remember one saying "stop" while she was laughing and then after she said it she poked him in the side and they kept joking around and touching him as well. He does not ever remember anyone acting uncomfortable with what he was doing and did not touch anyone's private areas.

    We are not having him return to the school for now. We feel the guidance counselor handled this very poorly. She said one girl complained about him a couple weeks ago and she told the girl to talk directly to my son and handle this between the two of them. If his actions were so serious then why was no action taken at that time and why were we not called?Then last week there were 2 more complaints and she escalated things to suspending him after having a brief conversation with him. He was crying and upset and only the two of them were present during this meeting so who knows what was really said. The counselor says he "admitted to doing it" but my son says he denied the more serious allegations of touching private parts.

    Our issue with the school is how this was handled. Neither my son or his parents were given any indication of a problem until she decided to suspend him after this brief talk with him. There was no other investigation. Counselor just decided he was guilty. This of course spread amongst the student body who is 80% female and they have banded together against him. Now supposedly 9 more girls have filed complaints. The Director agrees with us that the timing of these additional complaints is very suspicious and although she will review them she does has doubts since it is obvious the kids have decided to gang up against my son.

    We are going to meet with a lawyer so we have someone to help us if needed.

  • PetraMCPetraMC Registered User Posts: 224 Junior Member
    Are you saying you don't believe the counselor who said he admitted it, the first girl who complained, the second two girls, and now 9 more girls?

    This would be a misdemeanor if he were over 18. IDK how it works for juveniles. But a 5 day suspension that doesn't go on his permanent record seems reasonable to me, and I wouldn't try to escalate it in that way, especially if you are ever planning on sending him back to the school. I'd focus on the social media threats.
  • SybyllaSybylla Registered User Posts: 1,721 Senior Member
    So there was a complaint 2 weeks ago, followed by 2 more complaints, followed by the last straw? Is that right?

    >>She said one girl complained about him a couple weeks ago<<
    <<Then last week there were 2 more complaints<<
    And then the thing that got to the suspension?

    You might be right about the school's handling of this, because if this was my DD who had made so many complaints before action was taken you can be assured that this would be a big issue. I am sure it is easy to think that there is some petty vindictive other kid (and her 8 friends) in this scenario, but what if it wasn't?
  • toomanyteenstoomanyteens Registered User Posts: 731 Member
    edited October 2017
    I must have missed where there were 9 of them - oh I see. Wow
  • volleymom7volleymom7 Registered User Posts: 5 New Member
    No the initial complaint which apparently the counselor thought the girl should handle on her own and did not discuss with anyone else and then the subsequent complaints last week which led to the suspension. Now the news has spread around the school and the kids are labeling him a "rapist" and there is a lot of hate speech against him on social media. This is a huge drama at the school apparently and now 9 more girls have supposedly made complaints. I would not minimize this but the timing is highly suspicious which was admitted even by the Director.
  • mamalionmamalion Registered User Posts: 661 Member
    "Why does it take that many women to pay attention?" asked Carine Mardorossian, author of Framing the Rape Victim: Gender and Agency Reconsidered. "That, too, is a form of silencing. ... This is beyond the Weinstein example. It's happened with every case we've been dealing with. Think about Cosby — 60 women!"

    For years women made allegations of sexual assault against Bill Cosby, but the public turned away until at least 60 women publicly claimed Cosby drugged and/or sexually assaulted them. His sexual assault trial in June ended in a mistrial.

    "No other crime necessitates that burden of evidence," Mardorossian said. "No other crime necessitates a group coming forward before allegations are taken seriously. And it's a double-edged sword, because the moment you have a slew of accusers it's cast as a witch hunt. Either it's de-legitimized because it's one person, or it's de-legitimized because it's many women."

    From Today's USA Today article on Weinstein:https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/2017/10/11/harvey-weinsteins-arent-just-hollywood/751064001/

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