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High school suspension


Replies to: High school suspension

  • toomanyteenstoomanyteens Registered User Posts: 932 Member
    @mamalion Yes but a 15 year old boy being labeled by others on social media as a rapist? That doesn't seem plausible or true under the circumstances - at least not to me. I hate social media for this reason... it making something much more than it likely is.
  • threebeansthreebeans Registered User Posts: 533 Member
    I have a daughter and sons so I can see both sides. If it were my daughter who went to the admin for a harassment event and it wasn't handled by the book, I would be upset. Think if the courage it took to report something - I don't think it is done lightly or for kicks and giggles. I feel bad for your son though for being on the receiving end of such blown up bullying. That's as bad or worse than whatever he's accused of. This school no longer sounds like a good fit for him socially. He'll always have this stigma because kids are cruel. I wish you all the best but hope you don't send him back there.
  • jonrijonri Registered User Posts: 7,237 Senior Member
    edited October 2017
    @volleymom7 I am glad you've decided to see an attorney and hope (s)he can help you and your son. I also hope that the counselor your S is seeing will be able to help him.

    Just a suggestion--around your S do not harp on the fact that you think the counselor acted unfairly and/or that you think the new complaints are bogus or even that that you think the social media posts are outrageous (even though if they are as you've stated, they are.) The important thing now is to get your S to recognize that his actions were wrong and take responsibility for them.

    I am NOT saying that the other issues are unimportant--they are also important. But, if you want your S to change, he has to admit that what he did was wrong. And, IMO, that's the MOST important thing here.

  • HarvestMoon1HarvestMoon1 Registered User Posts: 6,228 Senior Member
    edited October 2017

    OP, you should focus on what your ultimate objective is and make decisions with that specific goal in mind. Accusations against our children are highly charged and we take them personally. That often leads to an escalation of a situation that could otherwise be successfully resolved through other means.

    Seems to me you are most concerned about what this suspension will mean for him going forward, especially with regard to disclosure on college apps. If your goal is to have your 15 year old S learn from this situation without it impacting his ability to further his education, then my advice would be to schedule another meeting with the director of the school. The director who has already told you "it wouldn't go beyond the school."

    You should discuss the concerns you have and see what accommodation as far as transcript notation that she would be willing to make. Given the statement that she made to you she is either willing to not note the suspension on the transcript at all or reclassify it as something else. Depending on the outcome of this discussion you will have a better idea of how you want to proceed.

  • jonrijonri Registered User Posts: 7,237 Senior Member
    Respectfully, @HarvestMoon1 , I think all bets are off now that there are an additional 9 complaints. I do not see the director's "promise" as to what would happen based on the 3 complaints she knew about as a promise that she wouldn't note any additional complaints on his transcript.
  • PetraMCPetraMC Registered User Posts: 485 Member
    "That's as bad or worse than whatever he's accused of."

    Honestly? I was an early bloomer, and I had my boobs squeezed and my bra unhooked more times than I could count. NO ONE cared back then and I've often wondered why school children (yes, I knew boys who were sexually harassed by other boys, too) didn't have the same rights as your random person on the street.

    I don't know what this kid did or didn't do, and that bullying seems OTT and needs to be addressed, but don't minimize forcible touching.
  • mamalionmamalion Registered User Posts: 708 Member

    @toomanyteens I did not mean my post to be address to the boy, and I am sorry if people read it that way. As I wrote up the thread, I think the boy was caught up in a shift in cultures. Some schools allow a fair amount of touching; others forbid unwanted touching. This would be hard for a 15 year old to navigate.

    I was responding to the posters who refuse to believe the girls. In too many threads about sexual harassment, posters refuse to believe it is an issue.
  • 3puppies3puppies Registered User Posts: 1,616 Senior Member
    I have a hard time believing this is real.

    A new poster comes in and asks a question about a boy dancer, in HS, who wants to have a girlfriend, is accused by 1, then 3, then 9 female students, of harassment. The parents are not notified immediately on the first accusation, nor the second and third, and the accused student is interrogated and action taken without parents notified nor present. In today's world, schools know better. School Counselor and Director have undoubtedly all been through mandatory reporting classes.

    Another student threatens, on social media, to "beat his -ss", and is not suspended.

    If this is real, get your son some professional help. I would not be worried about college at all right now, I'd be more worried about his mental health for the next hours/days/weeks/months.

  • HarvestMoon1HarvestMoon1 Registered User Posts: 6,228 Senior Member
    Oh I didn't see the additional 9 complaints. What were those complaints about? Hard to comment here because we really only have one side of the story and no real facts.
  • threebeansthreebeans Registered User Posts: 533 Member
    @PetraMC - I'm sorry if it sounds like I was minimizing it - I did not mean to. I completely agree unwelcome touch can be traumatizing. I just saw them labeling the boy as a rapist and that seems like such an unnecessary escalation.
  • lookingforwardlookingforward Registered User Posts: 30,599 Senior Member
    Frankly, something caused those girls to be creeped out. To me, that's the first order of business, the life lesson. I wouldn't want my kids unaware of their effect and how others react to them. The specific complaints may be only one aspect.

    "friendly playing around with them like grabbing their arms or hands." Well, technically, thanks to Title IX, any unwanted touching is inappropriate. It isn't limited to genitals. Most adult women know what feels invasive- and from whom it does. Most hs and middle school girls , too.

    There are two separate aspects here, don't confuse them. What he did. And the exacerbated social situation and threats.

    Imo, he should apologize via the GC or director, in writing or personally, their call, them present. Even if just for grabbing their arms or hands. Again, a life lesson.

    I doubt that, if he minds his behavior from now on, settles in socially, is then seen as a valuable member if the school community, that this will haunt him in apllications. The goal though, *is* this change.
    Best wishes.
  • MYOS1634MYOS1634 Registered User Posts: 39,150 Senior Member
    Was he in a dancing school before ? Or is he in an Arts charter now?
    Fact is, being a dancer does affect the way he behaves around girls - his training means pirouetting and lifting girls, daily. Touching girls' arms is literally what he does several hours a day. Being a dancer means he's been trained to desexualize girls' bodies.
    But if the girls aren't used to male dancers, aren't dancers, or are used to rougher boys with less benign intentions, the boy's behavior could be interpreted very differently than what he intended.

    But no matter what, he needs to understand that he cannot touch girls outside of the dance studio or the stage. Horsing around with girls is off limits totally. And horsing around will not get him a boyfriend (friendly too, he should invite one to dance ballroom dancing and/or learn the guitar.)
  • roycroftmomroycroftmom Registered User Posts: 1,764 Senior Member
    It may be too late to salvage this situation socially and returning to the public school sounds like a good option. I would be concerned about how this school is being run. If the 12 complaints of harassment are true, where were the teachers when all this was going on? If they aren't true, then there is a group of mean girls ganging up on a new boy in a nontraditional activity. Either way I would want out.
  • lookingforwardlookingforward Registered User Posts: 30,599 Senior Member
    As a parent, my own first reaction wouldn't be to shoot the messenger or blame the school. I know they could have issued some warning or informed the parents. But they presumably reacted per their own perceptions and policies. And we know that how parents initially approach a situation has a large impact on how much the school explains or what observations of their own they reveal.
This discussion has been closed.