Welcome to College Confidential!

The leading college-bound community on the web

Sign Up For Free

Join for FREE, and start talking with other members, weighing in on community discussions, and more.

Also, by registering and logging in you'll see fewer ads and pesky welcome messages (like this one!)

As a CC member, you can:

  • Reply to threads, and start your own.
  • Post reviews of your campus visits.
  • Find hundreds of pages of informative articles.
  • Search from over 3 million scholarships.

Help for student abandoned by his family

17891012

Replies to: Help for student abandoned by his family

  • twoinanddonetwoinanddone Registered User Posts: 21,825 Senior Member
    roycroftmom, you can't pick and choose the insurance coverage. The OP said the family was withdrawing insurance coverage (and they don't have to provide it) but if he has no insurance and gets hit by the truck, he's an uninsured person. I believe this student is in a state that hasn't expanded medicaid, so he's SOL.
    If you know families like that in real life (and I do) it is beyond sad. Heading an estrangement off at the pass is easier than repairing the broken bridge.

    Family friends have a child who is transgendered. We've been friends since our children were in the NICU together, so 22 years. Their child was in therapy for more than 4 years before any decisions were made, any announcements were made. During that time, the child and family had a lot of traumas to deal with too, so she was exploring all types of possibilities including that she might not be transgendered but reacting to the traumas (mother almost died in child birth, best friend (also from the NICU) died after a lifetime of medical issues, other family members with health issues...) The parents are very supportive and even left their church because they knew there wouldn't be support if the child ultimately decided she was trans or gay or wanted to live a different way. But they've made other decisions that the family in the OP didn't. They did not send their child away to school (she commuted) because there were a lot of decisions to be made, therapies to attend, medical and financial issues to deal with. They needed all that time to make decisions and they knew their child needed their support so being away at college wasn't in the child's best interest.

    What is rather ironic is that this child probably wouldn't be here if she'd been born a boy. Almost all 24 week preemies who survive are female or a minority race, and this was even more true 22 years ago. I really do not know one male, white, 24 weeker who made it, and I know dozens of female survivors.
    Today seems to be my day as factchecker . In NJ at least, parents who are divorced can have the decision whether and how much to fund a college education taken over by the court.

    In a very few cases, parents can be court ordered to pay SOME college expenses for instate in NJ. Part of this thread was that the student was at an OOS school so even if they are from NJ, no one is going to order them to pay OOS tuition.

    The sunglasses comment was because on another thread it was argued that three 19 year old basketball players shouldn't have been held responsible for stealing sunglasses while on a trip to China because the 19 year old mind is so undeveloped that one can't expect them to be responsible for impulses or major decisions. On this thread, people think an 18 year old can make a major decision that the parents don't agree with. The parents of this student are asking their child to wait, wait until that 18 year old mind matures a little.
  • CountingDownCountingDown Registered User Posts: 13,394 Senior Member
    edited November 2017
    @IBviolamom, one of my sons is involved with this hotline group. They may be able to offer some helpful resources. https://www.translifeline.org/
  • IBviolamomIBviolamom Registered User Posts: 415 Member
  • gearmomgearmom Registered User Posts: 3,906 Senior Member
    @lookingforward Actually what struck me about dad's post was when he wished him luck paying for college and then HE HAD IT. He's had nothing but good luck.
  • roycroftmomroycroftmom Registered User Posts: 2,689 Senior Member
    Well, actually, you can often pick and choose what kind of health insurance you get. Some pay for everything, including gender reassignment surgery, for example; some really don't, and only cover catastrophic injury or illness. I imagine the same is true with hormone therapy, but I never looked into it. It is open enrollment time; there are dozens of available policies, depending on employer-well worth looking into if this is, or is likely to be, something you want covered in the future. Most plans vary quite a bit in the scope of covered counseling, too, so that might be worth looking into as well.
  • IxnayBobIxnayBob Registered User Posts: 4,394 Senior Member
    edited November 2017
    In a very few cases, parents can be court ordered to pay SOME college expenses for instate in NJ. Part of this thread was that the student was at an OOS school so even if they are from NJ, no one is going to order them to pay OOS tuition.
    Being somewhat nit-picky, but the parent might be ordered to pay OOS tuition, I.e., tuition to an OOS school, but not at levels greater than an in-state public school. This is known as “the Rutgers Rule.” The Rutgers Rule is also applied when the school attended is a private school.

    The requirement to pay even extends beyond UG:
    In New Jersey the duty to pay for a child's college expenses extends beyond college, to graduate and professional school. In the case of Ross v. Ross, 167 N.J. Super. 491 (Ch. Div. 1979), the court held that a parent has a responsibility to pay for a child's graduate and/or professional school. In the Ross case, the court found a 23-year daughter not to be emancipated until her law school training ended and required the father to continue to pay child support for her.

    For the record, I learned this when considering filing suit to have my ex-wife pay some share of my oldest child’s college expense, but decided against pursuing it. In our case, it was BC, and we lived in NJ.
  • ucbalumnusucbalumnus Registered User Posts: 76,598 Senior Member
    edited November 2017
    It is open enrollment time; there are dozens of available policies, depending on employer-well worth looking into if this is, or is likely to be, something you want covered in the future. Most plans vary quite a bit in the scope of covered counseling, too, so that might be worth looking into as well.

    Those working for the national government or large state governments may have dozens of choices, but the typical offerings that I have seen at private employers have three to five choices from two companies. Those buying on the ACA marketplaces have choices determined by who offers what plans in their regions. However, what is or is not covered does differ, even for plans from the same company.
  • skieuropeskieurope Super Moderator Posts: 43,580 Super Moderator
    MODERATOR'S NOTE:
    College Confidential is not a debate society, so let's certainly not argue about issues for which the OP did not seek input, like what insurance does or does not cover or how easy/hard it is to switch insurance.
  • minivanmom1103minivanmom1103 Registered User Posts: 0 New Member
    edited November 2017
    Ok @IBviolamom just a few thoughts:
    It would probably be best if you stayed out of another family’s business. Have you spoken to the parents directly, or are you making an assumption? How are you entitled to make judement calls on another family’s child?

    This “child” is 18. Does that make her a child or an adult? Legally it makes her an adult. As an adult, she can make the decision to be male or female. This also means that her parents are under no obligation to financially support her in any way whatsoever. I have many friends who paid for their college tuition on their own, through jobs, hard work, and insurance that can be provided by the college. This girl is not abandoned. She has every resource available to her that allows her to work, make money, and live the male lifestyle that she chooses to pursue. College is a privilege, not a right. If her priority lies with becoming a male, then that is where she needs to focus. If she wants an education, then she needs to put her education first. Her father stated this in his reply. They simply asked her to wait until after college. They did not say that she could never undergo treatment to become a male. As sound and fit parents, that is a fair statement to ask of someone who you pay college tuition, room and board, and give money for extracurricular activities. I say again, all of that is a PRIVELEGE, not a guarantee or a right that a child is entitled to. I happen to know the family and know that they are well off financially. I see this as a response from a child who has been given everything and has had her way her entire life, and is now upset because mom and dad won’t hand over money for her to do what she wants to do at the moment. It’s called being spoiled, and it’s an epidemic that unfortunately plagues most teen and college aged people. The world has seen that crying on social media for not getting one’s way has become an enabling tool to finally get what one wants. Here in lies the problem in this situation. If this girl is as passionate about changing her sex and beginning hormone treatment as the go fund me page suggests, then she needs to be able to accept the financial responsibilities that come with being an adult and making such a life changing decision. Your parenting abilities have me worried for your child’s sake. Her father clearly stated their medical concerns for their daughter, so the best thing that you can do for that girl and her family is leave them all alone! Focus on loving your family. Her family still loves her, regardless. They have not left her in jeopardy for her life. She has the ability to talk this out with her parents. At this time, she needs to decide if she is going to be a child or an adult.
    Post edited by skieurope on
  • VeryapparentVeryapparent Registered User Posts: 852 Member
    Agreed. It takes a village sometimes.
  • AboutTheSameAboutTheSame Registered User Posts: 3,096 Senior Member
    Apologies for being part of that, I guess, but this is a very personal issue for me @IBviolamom, as you know, and I find it somewhere between hard and impossible to remain silent in the face of ....

    http://hmd.org.uk/resources/poetry/first-they-came-pastor-martin-niemoller
This discussion has been closed.