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Help for student abandoned by his family

IBviolamomIBviolamom 378 replies37 threads Member
edited November 2017 in Parents Forum
I was heartbroken to learn over the Thanksgiving break that one of my daughter’s close friends was told by his parents that, because he is transgender, they are cutting him off financially and will no longer pay his college tuition or have him on their health insurance or support him in any way.

He is about to finish his first semester at a large public university as an out-of-state student. Does anyone know of any resources to help young people in this sort of situation? I realize his parents are under no legal obligation to continue paying his tuition, but I wonder if there is anything that can be done so that he doesn’t have to drop out of school as a result of his parents’ actions.

This is an awful situation and my husband and I have both said to each other that we wish we had an extra $200,000 laying around. I know these sorts of things happen way too often, but this is the first time it’s ever happened to anyone I care about. Any advice or resources would be appreciated and I will pass them on to him. Thank you.
edited November 2017
184 replies
Post edited by skieurope on
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Replies to: Help for student abandoned by his family

  • twoinanddonetwoinanddone 23371 replies17 threads Senior Member
    If there is a LGBTQ group at his school, I'm sure they can help him navigate with the FA office.
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  • ucbalumnusucbalumnus 78986 replies701 threads Senior Member
    At almost all out-of-state publics, there is no or little need-based FA.
    IBviolamom wrote:
    This is an awful situation and my husband and I have both said to each other that we wish we had an extra $200,000 laying around.

    Are you able/willing to offer any financial assistance (even if much less than $200,000)? If so, perhaps there may be possibilities of lower cost in-state CC -> state university paths, depending on the state of residency.
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  • gearmomgearmom 3960 replies6 threads Senior Member
    edited November 2017
    Yikes. He may have to stop and work. Is he committed financially for next semesters housing. Has he taken his $5500 Stafford for freshman year. He could look into taking that and banking it. Try looking for work at Starbucks, Amazon and was it UPS? They have some sort of scholarship support available. But I think he needs to stop for a semester at least and get a job with benefits if possible. Maybe look at the military before there is an official policy change. Possible funding scholarship funding that way.
    edited November 2017
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  • DustyfeathersDustyfeathers 3359 replies77 threads Senior Member
    Does this student identify as female now?

    (Assuming for now the preferred pronoun is the singular they) They may have options at one of the women's colleges. I believe that Smith, Bryn Mawr, Mt. Holyoke, Mills, and Wellesley accept students that identify as female. Some may have more nuanced policies, and that should be researched. Several of these schools have excellent FA.

    If they identify as male now, they may want to check out liberal coed schools, such as Oberlin, Bard, Wesleyan, Vassar and the like. Several of these schools offer excellent FA.
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  • IBviolamomIBviolamom 378 replies37 threads Member
    He’s transgender female to male. Sorry if I didn’t make that clear.
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  • gearmomgearmom 3960 replies6 threads Senior Member
    @ucbalumnus He would need housing in his home state. What are the residency rules in the state he is currently in?
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  • gearmomgearmom 3960 replies6 threads Senior Member
    Have him get everything done medically while he still can if he had school insurance. A physical and dental cleaning.
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  • roycroftmomroycroftmom 3100 replies39 threads Senior Member
    Will they allow him to live with them? I realize it won't be his first choice but it is free. He likely needs to find an in state community college to attend and a full time job. It can be done. I have a young friend who worked full time, put herself thru school that way, became a teacher and just bought her first house at 25. There are good stories.
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  • gearmomgearmom 3960 replies6 threads Senior Member
    @roycroftmom They are stopping his insurance. That is pretty petty. Maybe he could be a live in Nanny until he finds his footing.
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  • roycroftmomroycroftmom 3100 replies39 threads Senior Member
    Just a guess, but I think finding a nanny position could be difficult. The insurance seems cruel, but maybe there is another factor-Maybe they are switching providers or something. In any event, he needs a place to live asap. May have to accept less than an ideal place.
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  • gearmomgearmom 3960 replies6 threads Senior Member
    edited November 2017
    OP could you provide a room for him so he has a place to stay while working? He needs to get out of any contract for next semester at his school.
    edited November 2017
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  • roycroftmomroycroftmom 3100 replies39 threads Senior Member
    He may wish to relocate to California if he can find a cheap room somewhere. I believe it is the only state where Medicaid covers gender reassignment surgery. Good community colleges too. If he can find a job and cheap place to live, it might work out.
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  • oneundecidedoneundecided 288 replies10 threads Junior Member
    The point foundation and HRC both have scholarships particularly for LGBTQ students.. and they may have emergency funds available as well. Also- contact local/campus support agencies.. and if there's a local UU congregation-- they may be able to provide some short term emergeny assistance.
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  • gearmomgearmom 3960 replies6 threads Senior Member
    ^California is difficult to get in state status.
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  • TQfromtheUTQfromtheU 1540 replies17 threads Senior Member
    Check to see if there is a Covenant House near the school.
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  • PetraMCPetraMC 798 replies6 threads Member
    edited November 2017
    Try looking at Campus Pride. They list scholarships and resources for LGBT students and advice on how to obtain a FAFSA dependency override. https://www.campuspride.org

    https://www.campuspride.org/resources/how-to-obtain-a-fafsa-dependency-override-for-lgbtq-college-students/
    edited November 2017
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  • IBviolamomIBviolamom 378 replies37 threads Member
    I wish I could take him in. But both his school and his home are far away. I don’t know if his parents would flat out refuse to let him live at home but I imagine he does not want to live with them anymore. Honestly, I think in their ignorance of transgender issues, they thought that this would somehow make him “change his mind” about being trans.

    Fortunately, he does have some more supportive relatives. I wonder if perhaps he will move in with them and go to a local community college and work to put himself through school. I have no doubt that he has the smarts and the resilience to do this. But I wish this hadn’t happened to him. :(
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