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Cheap school = "trashy" dorm life?

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Replies to: Cheap school = "trashy" dorm life?

  • HannaHanna Registered User Posts: 14,706 Senior Member
    Is anyone here prepared to argue that doing 10 jello shots and then vomiting all over a shared space is neither selfish nor stupid?

    Remember, "frequent" is not the opposite of either selfish or stupid.

    "People who are only concerned that other students' behavior might lessen their enjoyment of dorm living don't sling nasty labels at them."

    Why don't you help me understand what my other motivations are? I'm the one who used those words.
  • ekdad212ekdad212 Registered User Posts: 164 Junior Member
    OP, I mean this in the most respectful way possible, but you need to be realistic. Whatever conservative/Christian bubble you raised your daughter in won't be present on most college campuses. This goes beyond your concerns of sex and drinking. It also applies to diet, exercise, sleep, study habits, choice of friends - every aspect of life. Yes, campus life is a bubble itself and not "real life", but it is a huge step away from home life.

    It sounds like you don't trust your daughter to make the right choices, and so you want to try to control her environment. At some point though, unless you plan to control her entire life, you will need to let her make her own choices, which are not all going to be to your liking. But the goal is to raise an independent adult who embraces life and learns from mistakes, not a robot raised in a bubble.
  • austinmshauriaustinmshauri Registered User Posts: 7,536 Senior Member
    @Hanna, I was referring to the OP and her use of the word "trashy." I think you're being generous in thinking that she may have used it to mean "selfish" and "stupid." I didn't really get that from her post. She did mention kids drinking, partying, and having sex, but I didn't interpret that to mean wild partying. Maybe OP can clarify what she's looking for in a school. If she just wants to avoid out of control partying that's different than wanting no partying at all.
  • ColoradomamaColoradomama Registered User Posts: 1,933 Senior Member
    @chippedtoof Binge drinking is one of the highest percentages at Colorado State U, Fort Collins
    and I have heard Dakotas and parts of rural Minnesota, binge drinking is very high. Vanderbilt U
    in Nashville TN, sort of south, , but not deep south, had one of the worst fraternity drinking problems
    among private colleges. They finally took to giving incoming freshman PARENTS lectures
    about alcohol consumption at this fine private school! Drugs are way less in some southern public schools, but not drinking.
    Think moonshine, Tennessee Whiskey, etc.

    For OP @Josie5 Have you considered schools with single sex dorms, or substance free dorms, for your daughter?

    I do believe schools like Baylor University, which ask students to sign behavior pledges could suit
    the original poster's daughter. There are many Christian schools out there, such as Pepperdine U in Los Angeles
    that have behavior pledges. They tend to be Protestant schools, not Roman Catholic ones, but
    a few Roman Catholic schools in Kansas are very strict too. Notre Dame in Indiana, has some stricter rules
    than other college dorms, and single sex dorms.

    The original poster may want to explore the very good scholarships at private Christian schools with behavior pledges like Baylor University in Waco Texas.

    U of Tulsa, a private school in Oklahoma, also attracts a more conservative set of students, mostly Roman Catholic
    and Protestant. I am not familiar with dorm options there.

    Also, look for substance free dorms, U of Denver, a private school in Denver, offers those.
  • TQfromtheUTQfromtheU Registered User Posts: 1,343 Senior Member
    It will really all depend on the student and her ability and willingness to walk away from what she defines as trouble. People pleaser vs. good sense of self. The student has to want the lifestyle, otherwise there will probably be rebellion.
  • Josie5Josie5 Registered User Posts: 14 New Member
    "I promise you, conservative christian kids are just like other kids - they may appear "less risky" as they come across as nice, wholesome kids from lovely families with values similar to yours. These very same kids are also drinking, going to youth group, sexting, having sex, doing charity work, getting abortions, experimenting with their sexual orientation, praying, using drugs, selling drugs, going on missions trips, cheating on tests, shoplifting, driving drunk...you name it."
    Yeah - - I get that. I am just trying to assess how much of that is going on in a public university dorm, and would be unavoidable by the kids who prefer not to partake. Thanks.
  • twogirlstwogirls Registered User Posts: 6,612 Senior Member
    edited December 2017
    If you are questioning specific instate public universities, it may be a good idea to speak to students who attend. We can tell you that these behaviors happen to some degree in all schools... but you will only get details about specific schools from those who attend those particular schools.

    I will tell you that kids who prefer not to participate... don't have to.... regardless of how much partying goes on. And.... those who want to party ... will find a way. And.... there will always be kids who prefer not to participate... but sometimes do anyway.
  • HannaHanna Registered User Posts: 14,706 Senior Member
    "how much of that is going on in a public university dorm, and would be unavoidable by the kids who prefer not to partake."

    While it is true that you can find a party and avoid a party at any school, the variations from school to school and dorm to dorm are significant. I agree that talking to current students is a smart plan.
  • Wien2NCWien2NC Registered User Posts: 1,060 Senior Member
    honestly when i read OP i did not get the sense of not trusting her daughter, but rather avoiding an environment that might put her at risk for being raped or sexually assaulted. maybe i read too much into it. and i think we can all agree that sexual assault is trashy behavior, to say the least
  • roycroftmomroycroftmom Registered User Posts: 1,668 Senior Member
    I don't think the OP was suggesting that drinking or sex, per se was trashy. But as in all things, there are limits for good taste and polite behavior generally observed in society not always present in dorms. Hence the need for some caution and discretion. For example, please keep all your bodily fluids to yourself unless you receive consent otherwise. Please do not engage in sexual activity, including oral sex or masturbation, in public areas. Please avoid becoming so inebriated that you present a danger to yourself or others, or if so, make prior arrangements for a caretaker to move your passed out body out of the way of others. Pretty basic things that Most sane people would agree to that are surpringly often not present in dorms.
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