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Do Parents Ever Cross a Line by Helping Too Much With Schoolwork?

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Replies to: Do Parents Ever Cross a Line by Helping Too Much With Schoolwork?

  • oniongrassoniongrass 111 replies1 threadsRegistered User Junior Member
    If they assigned just the academic part of the homework, then school would be too much about academic skill and not enough about compliance, and the grade spreads would be too stark. Also, the teachers might actually have to help the kids who are behind, intensively. So we get tons of busywork. Elementary school isn't very good in the USA. High school can be excellent if you do the most you can rather than the least.
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  • VickiSoCalVickiSoCal 3383 replies33 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    If my elementary kid had busy work homework or too much homework for age I didn't do it for them. They didn't do it.
    Doing it for them just makes the teacher think that this is appropriate.
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  • MoonKnightMoonKnight 377 replies9 threadsRegistered User Member
    I found teachers who gave busy work to be extremely annoying. There was no point in the exercise and did nothing to help further my learning. I believe that parents are crossing the line only if they do their kids homework without the kid working on it at all. This doesn't allow the kid to learn what they are being taught in school. However, I find it okay for a parent to tutor a kid when they have difficulty on a certain subject. I had difficulty in high school with AP Chemistry and instead of paying lots of money to hire a tutor, my parent explained to me what I could not understand. I also think it is okay for a parent to study with a child where a parent would quiz the child on information in the textbook the night before the test. I'd only recommend doing this if the kid has bad study habits as a way to build up good study habits or if they have trouble with a certain subject to recall more information about the subject. If a parent does this when it's not needed, it could serious issues where a child is unable to study by himself and needs the assistance of his or her parent to study. Overall, I think the line that parents cross when they help their kids too much with homework is a very gray line. It's more of a case by case scenario. Like what others said, if the assignment is a useless arts assignment in a class that should not focus on arts, then I believe it would be okay for the parent to do the assignment because the child does not get anything out of doing it besides some arts practice. My advice is to help your kid enough that they can learn but not too much that you are just spoon-feeding them the information. Like what my AP Physics teacher told me, give a man a fish and he could feed himself for a day; teach a man how to fish and he can feed himself forever.
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  • RandyErikaRandyErika 475 replies5 threadsRegistered User Member
    For those who think it’s okay to do your kid’s assigned work because you disagree with the value in the assignment, just do so knowing that you’re cheating.
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  • shawbridgeshawbridge 5709 replies53 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    @MoonKnight, I agree that busywork assignments are not helpful for most kids and were especially harmful for my son. My aim in all of this was to get them to a point where they could be successful on their own.

    @RandyErika, I don't advocate doing kids' homework for them. However, I think parents on CC are sometimes way too wrapped up in the sorting function of school and often miss that a mindless insistence on the protocols and norms of sorting can actually be deleterious to the educational function of school.
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  • ImptutorImptutor 2 replies0 threadsRegistered User New Member
    Helping child in homework's takes control on their mind and they becomes so lazy. So I don't prefer to home work for them. As teachers also blame you after checking the accuracy in their work.
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  • rickle1rickle1 1939 replies17 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    You just wonder how these kids (with overly involved parents - difference between being available to guide / answer questions vs. doing the work / taking over a project) will do in college. Especially the ones going to the more rigorous schools. I assume they'll figure it out, but when....
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  • InfoQuestMomInfoQuestMom 275 replies3 threadsRegistered User Junior Member
    I was extremely surprised to learn a fellow parent typed his rising sophomore child’s AP European Civilization summer assignment. He was commenting on the content of the assignment and was asking me if I had not read my kid’s. Mm, no, I don’t read my kids’ assignments unless they ask for feedback. This student has no disabilities and was not even running late on the assignment so I don’t understand why the dad was typing it. He just made the comment as a matter of fact. I was kind of taken aback and didn’t ask.
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  • CallMeEmmaCallMeEmma 11 replies1 threadsRegistered User New Member
    My perspective is this: how I can best help my children once they are in college? Helping them too much with schoolwork now doesn't lead to independence when they're in college and have to fend for themselves!
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  • eleonoringeleonoring 2 replies0 threadsRegistered User New Member
    My child is self-sufficient in his own lessons.
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  • WaterguruWaterguru 8 replies0 threadsRegistered User New Member
    One of the cardinal rules I've always had with my children and helping with homework is that I will show them the methodology that works, but they must fight the internal struggle to learn the "how".

    I've two children, a son, older, and a daughter now in high school. Seven years apart. The son was a struggle. Always fighting at math, wanting me to show him "the answer". I might do it with the first problem of a new type, but after that, I had a strict "you do it now" policy. Parents need to remember that teaching someone to fish is more efficient in the long run than giving them the short term satisfaction of the fish. Eventually we clashed due to this dynamic, and I simply told him he was on his own. If a child won't listen, sometimes learning the hard way is how it happens. This attitude set him back a little in college and he struggled with a key math course he needed for graduation. He has since begun to look at things a bit more seriously, however, at 22 he wants to party too much, IMO. I can't complain though, he'll be graduating in December.

    It can be difficult to watch your offspring struggle, but without that, your children are less likely to mature and do the work later. Also keep in mind that many don't have the vision to look at where they want to be 20 years from now. That is normal, and subsides as they mature. You won't be there when they start working and the boss asks for the Foster report tomorrow. Struggling, while painful to watch, is sometimes the only way to learn.

    My daughter has been completely different. She does her homework without any struggle and without me riding her case. I think girls mature faster as well, so that has helped.
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