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Did you prepare your kids to be good college roommates?

MeddyMeddy 503 replies35 threads Member
Or did you just send them off? Did you have specific conversations around this and if so, what did that look like?

D18 has a real (fill in the blank with whatever you like). I'd like to think we prepared our daughter her whole life, but more so the last two years as we all had college dorms on the brain. We would point out things that we thought could use improvement to step up her roommate game. "You don't want to be thaaaat roommate!" We spoke of how to look out for each other, check in, respecting one another's space, not just housekeeping stuff. It was good stuff, too.

I really need to hear we aren't the exception [-O<
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Replies to: Did you prepare your kids to be good college roommates?

  • OHMomof2OHMomof2 12977 replies244 threads Senior Member
    We had conversations. I bought them both The Naked Roommate book too (tips on college in general, not just that).

    Sorry to hear your D's situation is difficult this year!
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  • MarianMarian 13214 replies83 threads Senior Member
    I was surprised to learn from my kids' experience that expectations of roommates vary from one campus to another.

    When I was in college (at a school where most students came from far away), it was expected that you would tell your roommate if you were going to be away overnight because otherwise your roommate might worry. But at my son's college, where most students lived within an hour or two of the school and people often went home overnight for trivial reasons like wanting to play with their dog, it wasn't customary to tell your roommate that you were going to be away, and nobody worried.
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  • liska21liska21 659 replies10 threads Member
    edited February 5
    Well I wish I'd done better at teaching my D not to be a push-over (aka nice and accommodating), in prep for a frosh roommate who was being unreasonable and sexiling multiple nights a week. I fear that S will be a push-over too.... Hopefully, he'll have better luck and I won't have to have the 'Hey I'm paying for this room. You get to use it! Go talk to the RA!' conversation.
    edited February 5
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  • oldfortoldfort 22980 replies292 threads Senior Member
    I prepared my girls to be good house guests - always leave the bathroom clean, make the bed, put clothes away, and be quiet when coming/leaving the house, and ask before taking food from the fridge.
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  • Trixy34Trixy34 1182 replies6 threads Senior Member
    No, probably not. DS is kind of self-centered. He's fairly tidy and clean, but he's just not flexible. I have no idea how to change that. It will be interesting.
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  • Groundwork2022Groundwork2022 2329 replies42 threads Senior Member
    I had the roommate from hell - the female version of @TiggerDad 's elder son's roommate. It was awful. Wish she had a parent to give her a talk like @Meddy.

    I now have an only daughter and she is going to need training in the roommate department, so I am watching this thread closely. I'm hoping for the best, but I am also planning to set her up in her own place as soon as whatever college she attends will permit it.
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  • ordinarylivesordinarylives 3178 replies43 threads Senior Member
    Evidently not enough! My oldest had the worst luck ever...or she was the problem. Who knows? I only got one side. The first roommate drank, like a LOT, and slept all day and couldn't have the lights on. She went to a party, which was busted, and somehow got back to the dorm without pants. My oldest said to me, "I've never been so drunk that I came home without pants." My kid thought she had a problem, but the roommie might have thought my kid was a Miss Prissy Pants and too uptight for her own good. Next roommate was great, but she left school after that first year. Next roommate's bf came from CA, and having no place to live here, moved into the dorm room. Then, they moved off campus together, or back to CA. I'm not sure. Next roommate got engaged, and for all intents and purposes moved out to spend all time with finance. Next transferred. Only common thread is my kid. Maybe she drove them all completely away?!
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  • MeddyMeddy 503 replies35 threads Member
    @TS0104 Great choice of reading. The Naked Roommate was what we gave D18, too. It should be required reading along with all those videos they have to watch upon acceptance. At times, we were lame, too.I still believe they turned out pretty great :)

    @OHMomof2 Thank you. The saving grace up to now has been that D18 loves, loves, loves her floormmates ? and they do group hugs where they knock on everyone's door and they all come out and hug. They did Secret Santa, too and have an evening tea time. We are talking giant football players, too. Oh, well.
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  • woodlandsmomwoodlandsmom 409 replies10 threads Member
    edited February 5
    Well, I discussed with them that they may have to go to the library to study, that it is so small of a space that they would need to pick up stuff, that they needed to use 409 at least once in awhile as it would get really smelly, etc. They worked it out. But, I have to say the whole dorm my oldest son was in smelled like dirty socks from all the boys in there. The elevator was rank. Thank goodness it was a community bathroom so at least that was cleaned. I am glad colleges have a way to put you with someone like you are as far as cleanliness and whether you stay up late. I just hoped for the best. The oldest is messy. The middle one is so-so. The little one throws his clothes everywhere willy nilly. I am not sure anyone would want to be a roommate with any of them but they found messy marvins to be paired with.
    edited February 5
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  • happy1happy1 22935 replies2260 threads Senior Member
    I always tried to teach my kids to be respectful of others and to expect respect in return. I don't think I had any "lessons" specifically geared towards freshman dorms. My kids dealt with different circumstances (S was not good friends with his freshman roommate who too often drank to excess often but they managed to coexist peacefully for the year, D was friends with freshman roommate) and both were fine.
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  • toomanyteenstoomanyteens 1032 replies62 threads Senior Member
    Yes I guess we did -- but we have a house full of kids so rooming with siblings and getting on together and being reasonable and respectful was a life long lesson around here.
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  • toomanyteenstoomanyteens 1032 replies62 threads Senior Member
    @TiggerDad Each of ours has thanked us for not letting them go off to college clueless as well after experiencing some other kids their ages. :))
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  • toomanyteenstoomanyteens 1032 replies62 threads Senior Member
    @liska21 sexiling??
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  • toomanyteenstoomanyteens 1032 replies62 threads Senior Member
    @Trixy34 My step daughter was pretty inflexible - she drove my daughters who always had each other underfoot bonkers during high school and honestly she stepped up and did well in college -- H and I were a bit worried about that.
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