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Should parents encourage students to apply to colleges (locations) that suit the parents' values?

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Replies to: Should parents encourage students to apply to colleges (locations) that suit the parents' values?

  • AltrasAltras Registered User Posts: 359 Member
    I have found many people who think they are openminded to be very closed minded and I have found many people who hold opinions which are vastly different from my own to be open to other ideas.
    Double agree on that one! And the former like to start their rants with something like "Listen, I'm open-minded, but..."
  • parentofsixparentofsix Registered User Posts: 55 Junior Member
    100% of course. They are 18. They haven't lived or known much about "life."
  • momofsenior1momofsenior1 Registered User Posts: 4,573 Senior Member
    I'm also in the camp that most students can find their people at a large university. I don't think you necessarily need to go out of state.

    In terms of missing them/not seeing them - Facetime and texting make it much more bearable!
  • thumper1thumper1 Registered User Posts: 74,372 Senior Member
    I think many kids understand parent values...but there are tons of colleges that likely can satisfy everyone.

    We discussed college options with our kids. But we also needed to remember that or kids were going to college...not us parents.
  • TrendaLeighTrendaLeigh Registered User Posts: 54 Junior Member
    The profs at most universities typically skew liberal on a variety of social and political issues; in the most conservative states, faculty would likely be significantly left of the population as a whole. You may also want to look at the percentage of OOS students; schools with higher percentages of OOS students would like be a better option; adding geographic diversity would likely add more moderate/liberal students to the mix.

    The issue of whether to encourage kids to go across the country is a different one, and one I struggle with a bit personally. While i would never require my two younger kids to stay in-state for school (well except for financial constraints), There are real benefits of family proximity - my oldest daughter moved out of state at 18, ended up living in Japan for a few year and then in the NE. Five years ago, she and her family recently moved very close by, and she thinks it the best decision ever; she also wishes they had moved sooner.

    Truly, we all benefit so much from the mutual love, support, and practical help of nearby family; it's just not the same when your relationship is based on Skype and a few visits a year. I realize this attitude seems quite antiquated and limiting, but there are real, long-term trade-offs when family members are thousands of miles apart.

    I rarely share these thoughts with my 16-year olds, because I don't want to limit them, but my older daughter and her husband frequently remind them about the many positives of having extended family near-by and "push" for schools that are a two-to-three hour drive or quick flight away.
  • happymomof1happymomof1 Registered User Posts: 28,870 Senior Member
    "My husband says that if they go the route I'm advocating, then we won't see them as often and will experience that loss."

    This is what you should be addressing first with your spouse. He already is concerned about what he (and perhaps you and any other children you have) will feel when this first child goes away to college. How far does your husband think is "too far"? How often does he think he/you/you all need to see your child? How does the dollar cost of travel enter into things? How can modern technology help him/you/you all stay in touch if you can't visit very often in person?

    Run the Net Price Calculators at the places that you personally like, and see if there is any chance those places can be made affordable. The numbers might make your decision for you, and your kids will have to stay close to home.
  • lookingforwardlookingforward Registered User Posts: 31,169 Senior Member
    I find noting wrong with trying to influence them (ok, in the ways I think are acceptable.) But I learned when they were young that I couldn't tackle this head on, needed to be a ittle tangential about it, let them see it for themselves.

    They are kids and we are adults, presumably with more earned perspective. It's not a total loss to go to a college that's more conservative than you are. But when you're looking is a great time to explore who your child is and likely will be, and discuss.

    My example is UVa. I know it well, adore it, and was tickled D1 did, too. But for her, there was a moment when she realized that, "I'm more a Northerner." (It wasn't about the college, but some experiences in the community. Small things that added up for her. In contrast, even liberal, I could happily find my place in the south, for the good aspects.)

    This exploration is worth the time, imo.
  • lookingforwardlookingforward Registered User Posts: 31,169 Senior Member
    Just saying: there's a huge difference between far, but near the right airports or direct flights, versus it's all day, just to get to the home airport. My eye-opener, when D1 was looking at Carleton: TSA, flight to Chicago, transfer flight to Minneapolis, 45 min bus ride (so the rep said) to the campus town, then a taxi to campus.

    In contrast, you may be able to fly direct from SC to Seattle. Much easier if your airport isn't so distant. Different meanings in "far."

    Lots of parents who sent theirs across the country didn't just wait for them to come home, but also visited them.
  • SJ2727SJ2727 Registered User Posts: 1,068 Senior Member
    edited February 26
    Yeah. There was a kid on another thread a while ago whose parents would only allow him to go to a local college, or a Christian one (Catholic didn’t count as Christian so you can figure out the background there). I think that’s wrong, because the kid seemed to just want a good education (his local options were not great), not to rebel against his background, and quite frankly if your faith can’t stand up to alternative arguments then that in itself tells you something...but that’s besides the point. I totally disagreed with the view his parents were taking, because they were imposing their values on him in such a way as to limit what he could do (being financially dependent on them obviously he had to acquiesce). However, if it had been the kid himself looking for all that, with or without the support of his family, then i would have respected his choice irrespective of whether or not I agreed with it, just because it would have been his choice and his values. You gotta cut the apron strings when it’s time, not try turn them into marionette strings.
  • ucbalumnusucbalumnus Registered User Posts: 74,498 Senior Member
    SJ2727 wrote:
    There was a kid on another thread a while ago whose parents would only allow him to go to a local college, or a Christian one (Catholic didn’t count as Christian so you can figure out the background there).

    This student also had financial limits that meant that many of the colleges that were allowed by these parental limitations had very little chance of being affordable.

    Start with the financial planning first. Do not paint yourself and your student into a corner by encouraging a list of colleges that end up being too expensive, or applying too broad a brush in pre-rejecting more-likely-to-be-affordable colleges before making a closer investigation.
  • JHSJHS Registered User Posts: 18,135 Senior Member
    If you are comparing a public flagship in the South or the Mountain States to one in the Northeast or on the Pacific Coast, I think you are going to see fundamentally similar faculties, and student bodies with all of the same political/cultural/ethnic groups well represented, albeit in somewhat different proportions. Kids who are the only kids who speak up about non-science in biology class in a rural or suburban high school in the South will not be the only such kids at their home-state flagship, not by a long shot. And in any event they are highly unlikely to encounter professors there who do not accept evolution. Certainly not in a biology class, but not in a theology class, either.

    That's not to say there is no value in going someplace else for college. In my family, everyone did that. Some people came back, some didn't. But having them go to college close does not guarantee that they are going to stay close, either. Or that they are going to be open to seeing you much during college. I have any number of friends whose children have gone to a college they can see from their office windows, and who saw their children during the college years no more than I saw mine, who were both 700 miles away.
  • MaineLonghornMaineLonghorn Super Moderator Posts: 37,854 Super Moderator
    MODERATOR'S NOTE: Please remember that the TOS apply in this thread, also, or it will be closed. And no, I don't care if the political views expressed are conservative or liberal!
  • AcersaccharumAcersaccharum Registered User Posts: 222 Junior Member
    @SCTwinsMom FWIW My family lives in a neighboring state (GA) and we know several kids who are attending or have been accepted to your state flagship honors program. These are all fantastic, bright, outspoken kids who had many good college options. If that might be an option for your kids, it’s definitely worth giving it a good look.
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