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Should parents encourage students to apply to colleges (locations) that suit the parents' values?

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Replies to: Should parents encourage students to apply to colleges (locations) that suit the parents' values?

  • AussiemomAussiemom Registered User Posts: 147 Junior Member
    We did not limit our D1 educational opportunities and college selection based our beliefs (although hers are similar too) but affordability..She was considering OOS so she had her list and we advised her to search a region where we had family nearby in case she needed to get away for short break or have a home cooked meal.
    She chose to attend a well regarded womens college which met the small community criteria she wanted and challenges her academically.

    In preparing for the transition to college life, we advised her to visit some Christian groups on campus to find friends with similar beliefs and to visit local churches in the area and find a home church. We did not expect her professors to mirror our beliefs but then again she was not going into a field like biology.

    She's very happy with her college decision and we've seen our quiet, studious, introverted daughter mature into a self-confident woman that still adheres to similar beliefs.

    I think that while attending a small LAC doesn't pertain, the search for school clubs for support and our experience with her attending OOS college does.







  • PublisherPublisher Registered User Posts: 6,242 Senior Member
    edited February 27
    @SCTwinsMom asked "How important is it to help your child find a college that reflects the parents' values or is in a community that reflects those values ?"

    Unless you & your kids are practicing Mormons, it is not important.

    I find it difficult to imagine situations in which this would be a significant consideration due to the breadth of diversity found at almost all national universities.
  • austinmshauriaustinmshauri Registered User Posts: 8,039 Senior Member
    In another thread you said you wanted to avoid your state colleges because they're party schools. I don't believe all students at those types of colleges party. Even at schools that aren't known for partying, if kids want to party they'll find a way.
  • twoinanddonetwoinanddone Registered User Posts: 20,579 Senior Member
    @Publisher, I don't agree. I know a lot of parents who have required their kids to go to Catholic universities, or Baptist ones. It's important to them. A friend picked Marquette years ago because her parents required a Catholic university and she wanted a school in a state with an 18 year old drinking age (obviously many years ago).

    I do know LDS families who have preferred their kids to go to BYU (usually BYU-Idaho) but would have 'allowed' a local school too. Going to BYU was hard because it is far away and hard to get to.
  • maya54maya54 Registered User Posts: 1,879 Senior Member
    And many Jewish parents don’t want their kid going to a school without a good oerceof other jews and an active Hillel. Many people I know ruled out some LACs because of the small number of Jews there.
  • ucbalumnusucbalumnus Registered User Posts: 74,498 Senior Member
    edited February 27
    I do know LDS families who have preferred their kids to go to BYU (usually BYU-Idaho) but would have 'allowed' a local school too. Going to BYU was hard because it is far away and hard to get to.

    Interesting that you found that they prefer the Idaho campus; most CJCLDS parents/students looking at BYU whom I have encountered prefer the Provo, UT campus, with the Idaho campus seen as a less selective backup. BYU's relatively low cost does mean that parent/student preference in that direction is less likely to run into financial barriers than with some other religions and associated colleges.
  • twoinanddonetwoinanddone Registered User Posts: 20,579 Senior Member
    These families may have preferred Provo, but the kids weren't as strong academically. The Idaho campus is huge, 24k students. It is also very inexpensive.
  • lookingforwardlookingforward Registered User Posts: 31,169 Senior Member
    Many parents would like their kids at schools where they'll have a higher chance of dating the same sort. Mormons with Mormons, eg. Catholics with a high chance of finding Catholic partners. It's not always about the temporary atmosphere.
  • CountingDownCountingDown Registered User Posts: 13,210 Senior Member
    OP, don't apologize to your kids for instilling a belief system that you all willingly share. There will be plenty of times in life when they will have to stand up and act on what they believe, and at some point (soon) they will have to make life decisions that you may disagree with.

    While I wound up at a flagship that didn't jibe with my beliefs, you can be darned sure I moved to a place that did after finishing college!

  • websensationwebsensation Registered User Posts: 2,008 Senior Member
    edited February 28
    I am a true agnostic but I still encourage my kid to attend church at his campus because I realize for many people, it comforts them to have a defined set of beliefs to follow. I try not to force anything on my kid, although I am willing to discuss why I believe what I do. The fact is I am always open to change my beliefs based on new evidence and different circumstances.

    I think at the end of the day, we try to get through our lives relying on beliefs that help us better do that.

    For the same reason why I did not excel in group academic settings, it’s hard for me to sit and listen to someone’s sermon for 40 minutes. But if my kid likes it and finds support from it, more power to him. In that sense, it wouldn’t bother me at all if my kid’s science teacher did not believe in evolution (but in intelligent design theory), as long as the teacher was willing to openly discuss the strengths and weak points of his beliefs and underlying assumptions.
  • SJ2727SJ2727 Registered User Posts: 1,068 Senior Member
    Interesting conversation in light of recent events at Ole Miss - but while I’d find it surprising to see a pro confederate rally at a big campus in the northeast, Ole Miss students have also shown their opposition in various ways, seemingly supporting the notion that everyone finds their people no matter the location.
  • MaineLonghornMaineLonghorn Super Moderator Posts: 37,854 Super Moderator
    I'm a strong believer that young adults have to find their own paths. We are active Christians, but we don't force anything on our kids. So one of them is literally a missionary, one has a strong faith, and one isn't really interested at this point. It's THEIR decision to make. We didn't insist on any particular schools.

    I remember my grandmother laughing at the idea of people sending their kids to a Christian university. She went to one in the early 1920s and said those kids were wilder than the ones at the local secular school.
  • ordinarylivesordinarylives Registered User Posts: 3,153 Senior Member
    Many parents would like their kids at schools where they'll have a higher chance of dating the same sort. Mormons with Mormons, eg. Catholics with a high chance of finding Catholic partners. It's not always about the temporary atmosphere.

    My Mennonite hs classmates used to refer to Goshen and Heston as "Mennonite dating services." I think a lot of them did find life partners there!
  • ucbalumnusucbalumnus Registered User Posts: 74,498 Senior Member
    SJ2727 wrote:
    Interesting conversation in light of recent events at Ole Miss - but while I’d find it surprising to see a pro confederate rally at a big campus in the northeast, Ole Miss students have also shown their opposition in various ways, seemingly supporting the notion that everyone finds their people no matter the location.

    You mean this?

    https://www.oxfordeagle.com/2019/02/23/pro-confederate-rally-marches-through-oxford-non-violently/
    https://thedmonline.com/campus-rallies-end-in-no-violence-injuries/
  • lookingforwardlookingforward Registered User Posts: 31,169 Senior Member
    To get back to the OP, I can see the concerns. Depending on where we live, we can consciously want to expose our kids to the bigger world out there.

    At the same time, it's true that college or U campuses can be full of kids from all over the country, bringing their OOS perspectives.
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