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Anyone Miss Their Kids TERRIBLY?

OneMoreKidOneMoreKid 47 replies8 threadsRegistered User Junior Member
Just wondering. It's been a 24/7/18 year thing and all was sort of well and dignified until we saw other parents departing from the dropoff in very dramatic fashion.
He's a legit superstar of epic proportions in every single way and it's almost shocking.
I should just be overwhelmingly happy and pleased; and not totally out of control depressed.
Thanks in advance for any free therapy.
Disclaimer - I've never had therapy so saying "free therapy" isn't implying that I've had actual therapy.
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Replies to: Anyone Miss Their Kids TERRIBLY?

  • HippobirdyHippobirdy 358 replies1 threadsRegistered User Member
    edited September 15
    It's a big change, it's hard especially when you get on well with your kid/ parents of friends/ school.
    It's hard, your kid is on a new path and the parent can't follow and is not needed like before.
    But it is great when they've grown and matured and have opportunities (vs obstacles that hold them back and keep them from independence).
    You could try new activities, volunteer, take up new study or hobby. Focus on gratitude and activities you're interested in.
    Or continue to support the high school and the extra curriculars, pay it forward.
    edited September 15
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  • 4gsmom4gsmom 738 replies26 threadsRegistered User Member
    My youngest is applying now for college. When she goes, I will have spent half of my life parenting children (4 kids, ages 27 to 17). I know it's better than them not being successfully launched; I know she'll be ready and happy and will rock this - but I will be sad. I will miss her and I will miss the daily activity in our home. So, I validate you - it can be really hard.
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  • pishicacapishicaca 297 replies9 threadsRegistered User Member
    It’s very difficult but it will eventually get easier. Your normal routine, what’s comfortable and familiar, has been suddenly exchanged for a new reality. That transition period is HARD. But eventually a new sense of familiar will set in and it will seem normal (and most importantly OK) that your child isn’t close by. Eventually the disruption of normal (albeit a pleasant one) will be when he’s home.

    Hang in there. Soon that feeling won’t be quite so overwhelming. The next time you see him will be a very special visit that you will not take for granted. Before he went away to school, when was the last time you could truly say that?
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  • KnowsstuffKnowsstuff 4249 replies17 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    edited September 15
    Just so you know it gets better. My son is going to be a junior this year and was away almost the entire summer doing programs /internships for school. Only really spent maybe like 2. 5 weeks total with him. Driving him to college gave us a lot of time to talk. He plays sound tracks that are from my music Era (he prefers "my music" also). He played Cats in the cradel " and" Father and son " and I nearly lost it. These songs question if you done things the right way being a parent, relationships with your kids, etc. This wasn't intentional. He played Bad Company and Led Zeppelin etc. Lol. Lots of things that I could of done better went through my mind.

    But at the end of the day we are just happy that they (my daughters a senior in college) have adjusted well, made friends, are active on their campus
    We have adjusted also. It's not that big of a deal when they go to college now (except for those songs.. Lol). We love hearing all their stories of what's going on in their lives. They do keep in touch.
    .... Sometimes.. Haha..

    My son actually called me yesterday to tell me to turn on the TV since Michigan State was about to lose to an unranked team in football. (sorry Spartan fans), this ledto an hour conversation of "what's going on". He is really busy on campus and now I see why he doesn't have "time to text".

    Again, it gets better.
    edited September 15
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  • OHMomof2OHMomof2 12883 replies242 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    It will get easier but it is hard right now I'm sure! It's a big transition, totally normal to feel a bit lost and sad.
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  • mamaedefamiliamamaedefamilia 3451 replies23 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    @OneMoreKid It will get easier! My daughter was very good about keeping in touch via text (daily) and phone or video chat 1+ times per week. You'll get used to the new normal and before you know it, your child will be home for a break. I have found the longish visits over the winter holidays and summer to be really special because of the heightened appreciation of being together. Hang in there!
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  • OHMomof2OHMomof2 12883 replies242 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    Not fair to post that @TiggerDad !
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  • ChoatieMomChoatieMom 5253 replies240 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    Of course.
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  • LindagafLindagaf 9243 replies497 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    Why should you be overjoyed? You of course should be happy for your child, but I think assuming you ought to be overjoyed is bound to be hard to achieve. Don’t set yourself up for disappointment. Understand that it’s a process that takes time.

    I just became an empty nester. It’s been two weeks, and I’m already feeling better about it this week than last week. Just give it time, because it gets easier. If you find yourself succumbing to tears, distract yourself and don’t focus on the absence, but rather what you can do with your new-found time.
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  • WWC4meWWC4me 206 replies4 threadsRegistered User Junior Member
    I think we're supposed to miss them. For me, it's an interesting year because it's my DD3's sophomore year. My older two DDs graduated in May and are back home. I actually think last year was easier because all three of them were gone. With my older two back in the house, I have three "kids" home and are just missing the one. It feels off. She's also not a big one to talk on the phone (although she will text me a couple of times a week.)
    Anyway, it's okay to feel your feelings. Just make them yours as opposed to your child's responsibility. Practice a lot of self-care. Make some plans to look forward to. Don't be afraid to send the occasional care package. Most importantly remember that there is no shame in not being thrilled about this time of your life. It's okay to need time and help to deal with it.
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  • NYDreammomNYDreammom 334 replies0 threadsRegistered User Member
    edited September 15
    D is a freshman commuter (prefers to live at home and also that’s the only way to afford her school on one income without going into debt). I’m tremendously grateful to still share her at home. But it does feel like a transition still - I feel rather than ripping off the bandaid in one swift move, we are in slow motion. Such big change from a few months ago in high school. And I’m giving her the space to explore her independence, figuring her classes on her own, the time she needs away. She’s busy morning to late evening and most days I get one-word answers and the door to her room is closed. She told me the other day, “I have no energy to talk, I spend so much energy at school, don’t worry, it’s not you”. So for those of you who don’t get texts back or calls as much as you’d like, they are busy and exhausted as they are supposed to be!
    edited September 15
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  • inthegardeninthegarden 1173 replies23 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    edited September 15
    Mine is still in high school and I know, for me, it will feel a lot like falling off of a cliff. And that's true no matter how thrilled FOR HER I will be. Honestly, I'm not sure how I'll cope. New hobbies or friendships may distract, but from where I'm standing, it's hard to feel that they will be anything beyond superficial compared to motherhood. Hope that time proves me wrong.

    I think a part of my daughter would like to live at home and commute to the local directional but I feel strongly that she needs to go away and experience life outside of this bubble. Doesn't change the loss of her daily presence I'll feel. Life will never be the same.

    It's normal to grieve, as long as we protect our children from the brunt of our grieving, and help them feel free to be happy in their new adventure. Please seek counseling if the grieving becomes overwhelming.
    edited September 15
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  • compmomcompmom 10763 replies76 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    My kids started college quite a few years ago and are further away. I miss them most when I take them to the airport and come back to an empty car.

    Otherwise, I've adjusted. They are happy and healthy ( the latter not always true, for us, and I value that now) and that is so important.

    These days, with Facetime and Skype, we can really keep in touch.

    Oh- and that statistic I have read says that 82% of college grads live at home!
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  • momofsenior1momofsenior1 7282 replies56 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    I'm a second year empty nester to an only child after being a stay at home mom. No matter how happy and excited you are for them, it's a big adjustment for us!

    I'm actually having a harder time this year than last. D was abroad and then at an internship so we have very little time this summer together and now she has a full course load and is in a show. She's either in class, studying, or at rehearsal. I get a quick text daily, but I'm used to talking to her every few days. This year I'm lucky to get a call once every 7-10 days. I miss her! I'm actually driving down to have lunch with her Tuesday as I haven't seen her in 5 weeks and that's too long for me. Who cares if it means 6 hours + in the car ; )

    I find for myself it helps to be busy. We moved right after graduation so I have an old house that is slowly getting renovated that takes a lot of time and attention, I try to walk 5 miles/day, and then work on my writing in the afternoons. Good for me to have a routine.

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  • itsgettingreal17itsgettingreal17 3989 replies26 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    I was excited for her and did not cry when I dropped her off. I’m also not much of a crier. But I try to visit several times a year. I see her for breaks. And she texts me daily and calls regularly, so I don’t really have time to miss her. :-)
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  • inthegardeninthegarden 1173 replies23 threadsRegistered User Senior Member
    I don't see or talk to my high school junior as much as I'd like. But I listen to her footsteps every day, upstairs, above me while I'm down in the kitchen, the clattering up and down the stairs, and the door slamming when she's off to school. I'm going to miss these little rustlings of life SO much!
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