right arrow
Examples: Monday, today, last week, Mar 26, 3/26/04

How do I convince my mom to let me go to my first choice university?

mjbryantmjbryant 8 replies1 threads New Member
I am a high achieving student, and my parents have always tried to make sure I do my best so that my future is bright. I am strong in science and math, and for almost a year now when people ask me what I’m going to college for and what I want to be I have said I will major in biology and then go to PA school to become a physician’s assistant. In reality, I still have no clue what I want to do for the rest of my life but everyone thinks I have it all figured out. I applied to UNC Wilmington, UNC Chapel Hill, NC State University, and Auburn University. My mom is really fighting for UNC Chapel Hill because of the nationally ranked medical program and the high med-school acceptance rates, and because it is closer to home and we would pay in-state tuition. I want to go to Auburn because of family ties on my father’s side (he went, and my aunt and uncle went), and we watch every basketball, football, baseball and softball game Auburn plays. I love the atmosphere, the big D1 sports, the walkability of the campus, and it puts me a lot closer to family that I don’t get to see as often as I would like. Auburn has also offered me a substantial merit scholarship that would bring my out-of-state cost of attendance a good bit closer to the in-state rate. Every time I bring up the subject with my mom, she ends up overloading me with percentages and facts and information that leaves me feeling overwhelmed and defeated. Auburn also has relatively high acceptance rates to med-school because of their very reputable College of Science and Mathematics faculty, including the pre-health professions director, Beverly Childress, who is well known among medical schools. I know Auburn’s acceptance rates to med-school are not quite as high as UNC Chapel Hill’s, but if I end up deciding against following through with a profession in the medical field, I know that Auburn has a plethora of other opportunities for me to choose from, including Engineering, which has always been another interest of mine. As of right now, one of the only things holding me back from going all-in for Auburn is my mom, and my own indecisiveness which stems from my fears of making the wrong decision and disappointing my parents.
75 replies
· Reply · Share
«134

Replies to: How do I convince my mom to let me go to my first choice university?

  • PrdMomto1PrdMomto1 314 replies5 threads Member
    edited February 9
    Have you been accepted at UNC? If not, you might just want to hold off stressing too much until you have all the options in front of you.

    Our talks with my daughter about what college was the best fit involved this theory: MANY schools can give you the opportunities to help you get to where you want to go. However, you need to be in an environment where you will feel comfortable taking advantage of of the opportunities your given.

    We also felt strongly that while she was somewhat certain about her major, we know things change, and we hoped she'd choose a school that was strong in other areas too in case she changed her mind. And while she has not changed her mind yet (she's a freshman) MANY of her friends have, some multiple times.

    Once you know all your options, and if you are wanting to choose Auburn, I would recommend sitting down with your mom and explaining that while you know she thinks UNC is the best choice, you prefer Auburn and explain why. Tell her you don't want to disappoint her or make what she considers a bad decision, but you hope she'll be able to see that while UNC might be HER choice, yours in Auburn and that you hope she'll be able to support your decision.

    Hang in there. I know this is super stressful but it WILL work out and it sounds like you have some great options!
    edited February 9
    · Reply · Share
  • happymomof1happymomof1 30022 replies181 threads Senior Member
    edited February 9
    Wait until you have been admitted everywhere, and have the aid packages everywhere, then run the numbers here: https://finaid.org/calculators/awardletteradvanced.phtml

    When you are talking with your mom, ask her to clarify her preference(s). How much is specifically the close to home issue? (Yes, for some families travelling that much farther really is a big deal.) How much is the in-state costs issue? (Yes, for some families even a $1000/year difference is truly a huge financial problem.) How much truly is the better-looking med school admission numbers? (This is probably a much smaller deal than distance & cost. You have to dig deeply into the stats to find out if the two places are indeed reporting on the same things.) If the med school numbers are very important to her, remind her that PA admission and med school admission are two different things. She might need to dig a bit more to get the PA numbers.

    At the same time, you need to find out the details of any merit scholarship you are offered. What do you need to do to renew that scholarship in future years? Do you need a specific GPA? Do you need a specific courseload? Do you need a specific major? Does the scholarship increase along with any increases in tuition/fees/housing/etc.? If you would lose the scholarship, can your family afford that university? If you would lose the scholarship, can you get it back, and if so, what steps would you need to follow to do so?

    If you do find that you must attend an NC university, go ahead and stock up on the Auburn swag. My nephew maintained his Penn State U (many family connections) fan status for all four years at Iowa State U. People do understand that kind of thing.
    edited February 9
    · Reply · Share
  • CupCakeMuffinsCupCakeMuffins 1046 replies98 threads Senior Member
    1. You need to be able to get accepted at both schools.

    2. You have to know how much each school will cost you.

    3. You’ll be fine either way, both schools are comparable.

    4. College decision shouldn’t base on getting close to extended family.

    5. Once you’ve all the information, decide what’s better fit, not what’s more fun.
    · Reply · Share
  • mjbryantmjbryant 8 replies1 threads New Member
    Yes, I have been accepted to all 4 universities I applied to.
    · Reply · Share
  • maya54maya54 2399 replies97 threads Senior Member
    Is money a factor? For us it wasn’t so we were more than willing to have our daughter avoid our extraordinarily high ranked state engineering school UIUC in favor of an out of state priivate. Those who really didn’t understand the dynamics of what it means for a kid from our area to go to UIUC when they wanted Greek life ( they would pretty much be eating every meal with many of the people they went to HS with ) didn’t understand why this option was never seriously on the table. But if money had been the issue it would have been the only real choice even though not perfect.

    So I understand rejecting what seems like the easy choice but until you’ve answered the money quest it’s hard to make a good assessment here.
    · Reply · Share
  • austinmshauriaustinmshauri 9351 replies352 threads Senior Member
    Auburn has also offered me a substantial merit scholarship that would bring my out-of-state cost of attendance a good bit closer to the in-state rate.

    What's the net cost for each school? How much can your parents pay without borrowing?
    · Reply · Share
  • 2plustrio2plustrio 104 replies3 threads Junior Member
    First you need to be honest with your mom that you may not go into a healthcare field. Tell her you want to explore other possibilities. Would biomed engineering be of interest to you? Both schools have the option.
    I would ask them honestly if the cost difference is the real issue. Could you agree to contribute in any way to further reduce the difference?
    I would tell her that you are using your head as well and looking at tuition and program options. But also that your heart is pulling you to Auburn. Explain to her that although you dont want to disappoint her, you should also not disappoint yourself either. Would she be embarrassed or upset with you if in the end you got a degree at Auburn instead of UNC?
    · Reply · Share
  • mjbryantmjbryant 8 replies1 threads New Member
    My dad is in the military and I will be using 2 years of his GI bill benefits, and my grandparents are also helping me pay for college.
    · Reply · Share
  • mjbryantmjbryant 8 replies1 threads New Member
    I don’t think she would be upset with me going for my degree at Auburn. She basically summed up why she wanted me to go to Chapel Hill by saying, “You’ve worked hard your whole life and been the best at many things you’ve set your mind to. You’ve come this far, I think you should still go for the best, and Chapel Hill is a very highly ranked school.”
    · Reply · Share
  • CupCakeMuffinsCupCakeMuffins 1046 replies98 threads Senior Member
    edited February 9
    mjbryant wrote: »
    Yes, I have been accepted to all 4 universities I applied to.

    In that case, re-examine pros and cons of your choice then have a heart to heart talk with your mother. Go with an open mind not a confrontational mindset. Tell her your wishes and ask her about her concerns. Tell her how much you value her guidance but why it’s important for you to make your own decisions now as you are old enough and like any mortal, have only one life to live. You two should be able to find a mutually acceptable solution.

    edited February 9
    · Reply · Share
  • compmomcompmom 11137 replies78 threads Senior Member
    Your mom is right about Chapel Hill being a top school. And it is more affordable than Auburn. You seem to have a strong emotional pull toward Auburn and that is important too. If you were my son I would urge you to consider Chapel Hill too, but in the end leave it up to you. Sounds like your mom is doing the same.

    Any chance you could visit Chapel Hill to reassess?

    I think it would benefit you to really figure out why you want Auburn so much and if it is clear to you maybe you can make it clear to her.

    Chapel Hill is a well-known excellent public and a lot of parents would want it!
    · Reply · Share
  • ultimomultimom 228 replies3 threads Junior Member
    Generally academics and cost are the top two considerations for choosing a college. If you were trying to convince me, these would be factors that would need to be addressed. As a mom, I also want my kids to be happy. It could be difficult to convince me that a fine school with a strong sports tradition isn’t a place where you could be happy. It isn’t like you want a big state school and she wants you to go to a small, rural LAC. But, you could make a case.

    Auburn pluses you’ve expressed:
    - family has attended and continues to cheer for sports teams
    - proximity to extended family

    UNC pluses you’ve alluded to:
    - UNC is more highly ranked.
    - UNC is closer to your parents which might be very important to your mom
    - UNC is less expensive. It is unclear how big a factor this is for your parents.

    Are there any negatives to attending UNC?

    · Reply · Share
  • jym626jym626 56596 replies2968 threads Senior Member
    What is the price difference (per year and total) between UNC-CH and Auburn? What is it that you prefer about Auburn? So you have other siblings who will be attending college and whose COA needs to be considered by your parents?

    Add be to one more who feels UNC-CH is a way better school than Auburn. Only, only if you really really plan to major in Engineering should you consider it over CH Hill, since Ch Hill doesn't offer it.
    · Reply · Share
  • PurpleTitanPurpleTitan 12816 replies29 threads Senior Member
    "Add be to one more who feels UNC-CH is a way better school than Auburn."

    I agree if you're talking about cachet outside of engineering fields. For engineering, Auburn is in the "good schools" tier just below the elite engineering schools and of course UNC-CH doesn't have an engineering school.
    · Reply · Share
  • jym626jym626 56596 replies2968 threads Senior Member
    Why did you parse one sentence from my post, @PurpleTitan , where the very next sentence clearly said
    Only, only if you really really plan to major in Engineering should you consider it over CH Hill, since Ch Hill doesn't offer it.
    · Reply · Share
  • jenericjeneric 286 replies0 threads Junior Member
    @mjbryant Have a talk about finances and make sure Auburn is affordable. If it is, then go where you want. I know kids who have turned down UNC to go to other schools- because 1. They liked the other school better 2. It was good for their major 3. Didn't want to stay in North Carolina. None of them have regretted their decision.

    Maybe with your dad being in the military, you have moved around a lot and have no real attachment to NC. If that is the case, I can understand your want to be near family.

    My kids grew up in NC- neither would want to go to Carolina or NC State and absolutely not Duke- they have no wish to stay here.
    · Reply · Share
  • PurpleTitanPurpleTitan 12816 replies29 threads Senior Member
    @jym626, I mostly agree with you, with only a small shift in emphasis. That is, if engineering is under consideration, not only does UNC not offer it, but Auburn is pretty darn respected in that field too.

    Anyway, the key thing is making sure that the finances work and the school makes sense for career interests. Either school would be fine for med school, but don't just assume that money is nothing.
    As for rooting interests, I dunno. There's nothing preventing you from rooting for Auburn regardless of where you go (since you're not going to go to 'Bama or UGa; or UF).
    · Reply · Share
  • jym626jym626 56596 replies2968 threads Senior Member
    @PurpleTitan - there are plenty of schools with stronger reputations for engineering than Auburn. That said, as long as it’s ABET certified, it’s fine. And before someone else brings it up, UNC does have biomedical engineering.
    · Reply · Share
Sign In or Register to comment.

Recent Activity