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Emaining Guidance.. grrr!!

curlygirl61curlygirl61 Registered User Posts: 206 Junior Member
edited December 2007 in Parents Forum
How many of you have this problem? My son sent in three more apps and all week he was supposed to go to guidance and let his counselor know she could send his packages in. He kept "forgetting" or "not having time" and I ended up having to email her. How is he ever going to survive in college if he can't even get himself to the guidance office to do his paperwork?
Post edited by curlygirl61 on
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Replies to: Emaining Guidance.. grrr!!

  • HisGraceFillsMeHisGraceFillsMe Registered User Posts: 4,782 Senior Member
    Why did you put those two in quotes?

    You'd be surprised at how hectic our days are, ESPECIALLY as seniors. I have 3 projects going on right now, PLUS Winter Formal is coming up, PLUS I have ANOTHER major project culminating this Saturday. A lot of us really DON'T have time.

    He'll be fine. :)
  • citygirlsmomcitygirlsmom - Posts: 13,158 Senior Member
    Its about priorities and making the time to have a two minute conversation

    when its your future, you can't make excuses
  • ColoradoMomof2ColoradoMomof2 Registered User Posts: 615 Member
    If it's important to you, you MAKE time for it.

    Reminds me of the old saying: We are all manufacturers - making good, making evil, or making excuses.

    I'd be very hesitant to bail him out again - there's a good lesson there for him to learn.
  • curlygirl61curlygirl61 Registered User Posts: 206 Junior Member
    I wouldn't exacty call it bailing him out. The deadlines on these schools are not until the end of Janaury. I was just more thinking of making the job easier for the guidance counselor. These are schools that he has already requested transcripts and letters of rec to go to, but it was just a matter of telling her "Hey.. these are all set". Hardly bailing him out as he has plenty of time.
  • ColoradoMomof2ColoradoMomof2 Registered User Posts: 615 Member
    But the question you have to ask yourself, and be honest in your answer, is: Would your son have EVER done was he was supposed to do here without your input?

    If the answer is "yes" or "eventually", then you're probably doing okay. However, if the answer is "probably not", then you might consider that he needs a little work in the follow-up department.

    I have a high school senior son myself, so I do understand!!! Good luck to yours.
  • xiggixiggi Registered User Posts: 25,441 Senior Member
    How many of you have this problem?

    I believe you'll find many similar stories on CC. I also happen to believe that having parental support for the logistics issues is a true blessing, and this is something that parents should not need to hesitate to "drive" --nor ever apologize for. One reality is that students are easily dismissed by "overworked" and poorly organized GCs. After a while it gets tiresome to wait in the hall only to be told to come back later.

    Not an excuse, just the way it seems to work.

    In the end, it does not matter how the applications are compiled and by whom; getting to the colleges on time is ALL that matters.
  • midwesternermidwesterner Registered User Posts: 1,920 Senior Member
    What I have done is to say, "You need to e-mail the GC about releasing the application packages. Let's sit down and write the e-mail now."

    Have cookies ready by the computer.

    If he is "going to handle it" by himself, then you have to back off and let him. It's not really a problem, especially if it's for a January deadline (although you need to know the HS deadline for requests.) You will have much bigger battles to fight soon enough.
  • HisGraceFillsMeHisGraceFillsMe Registered User Posts: 4,782 Senior Member
    I do make time. But let's be honest: How many HS seniors think abouttheir future? I'm the exception, not the rule.

    Just make sure he knows that soon you won't be around to help him as much.
  • pafatherpafather Registered User Posts: 329 Member
    Our kids often forget things, and I do not need to put it in quotes. They often forget very important things, because they are thinking about other things (sports, friends, etc.). I hope and assume (and see through our older kids) that with time they eventually forget to do fewer and fewer important things. In the mean time, in order to make sure that the behavior pattern is forgetting rather than intentionally avoiding, my wife and I often either sit down with our kids and make them do "it" now (i.e. write a thank you letter, make an important phone call, complete a portion of or submit an application, etc.), or we call our kids on the cell phone and tell them to do "it" now (e.g. talk to a professor, coach, teacher, etc.) and to call after they have completed it. I know many/most public schools do not allow cell phones during class, but you can remind your son just before school, during lunch, or possibly just after school (if the guidance counselor has not yet left). In the ideal world, your son would immediately grow up and be responsible, but our kids took a while.
  • bethievtbethievt Registered User Posts: 6,759 Senior Member
    My son did BETTER with his apps once I gave up and stopped nagging him. It seemed to me that he would NEVER get all those apps done, then I realized he didn't really need to get them all done, so I backed off and SURPRISE!! he got all 10 done and did a beautiful job.

    I do understand, OP, that you want to be courteous to guidance. This is a stressful time and CC is e great place to vent. So vent away--maybe it will improve your relationship with your son. It helped me to get some perspective.

    Oh, and btw, he seems to be doing fine in college without me.
  • curlygirl61curlygirl61 Registered User Posts: 206 Junior Member
    Oh, he definitely would have got it done. I think he was preoccupied selling subway cards for his hockey team this week. I found out from some of his teachers he actually sold to them, which is a shock, since he is shy and had a hard time selling. Too bad he didn't think if selling one to his counselor :)

    Anyhow, she emailed me back and is happy to get everything in the mail today. This school is very well organized in the guidance department and each counselor maybe has 50 kids, so I would not consider that overworked.
  • ColoradoMomof2ColoradoMomof2 Registered User Posts: 615 Member
    Glad to hear that she's mailing things. 50 kids per counselor? That's a great ratio. My S's class has 475 kids in it and only ONE counselor. We do have a college career counselor in addition to the class one, but she's not really of much help. It's up to the kids to keep on top of things.
  • paying3tuitionspaying3tuitions Registered User Posts: 13,330 Senior Member
    I definitely found that growth in paperwork and time management became apparent after January, once all had been submitted and handled. I "scaffolded" him a lot in the Fall because I feel none of these lessons can't wait, and they['ll be repeated often, but I didn't want anything make-or-break falling through the cracks, either. I was very much of the "sit with him while HE does it" model, looking over the computer on all the paperwork (not the writing; he's good at writing). I was not the "point my finger at his bedroom door and tell him to go handle things" mom. My H began on that tack in September but it led to too many near-misses and I stepped in then.

    He was also doing this a year young, having skipped 11th grade; I guess that's an excuse, but there is the emotional maturity factor. Some have it, some don't.

    Think of yourself as giving him a one-year tutorial in life management. Back him up constantly, don't lose an entire school application to prove the point that he should have done some paperwork detail better or by himself. These points are proveable again and again. But do try to gradually back off as you see him handling this or that category of activity.

    Although my S was also a bit sloppy/overwhelmed this time last year, now as a freshman he's got it ALL together -- paperwork, deadlines. I can hardly recognize him (nor do I ever see him). There's probably a connection there, too.

    I'm not going to throw my kids out of a plane to show them they could really screw up. Metaphorically speaking, I'm likely to check the ropes on their parachute before they jump out themselves. I won't be able to find them on the ground to throw down a landing-pillow. Lots of metaphors today, hope they're understandable :)
  • curlygirl61curlygirl61 Registered User Posts: 206 Junior Member
    Oh, I should mention, when I said 50 kids, I meant in the senior class. There are about 600 students in the entire school and 3 counselors. My son's class has 152 student so I am assuming about 50 each from his year, overall about 200 per counselor for the entire school. But very little is done with them until spring of Junior year other then schedule changes etc, which are mainly handled by the secretary.
  • 99cents99cents Registered User Posts: 1,088 Senior Member
    Think of yourself as giving him a one-year tutorial in life management. Back him up constantly, don't lose an entire school application to prove the point that he should have done some paperwork detail better or by himself. These points are proveable again and again.

    Agree with the above. I never thought of my D as somebody who is not organized. But the process is very stressful, a little bit of help is needed. I also doubt that DD will not be able to make it in college by herself either.
    I did the samething as P3T, I sat next to DD while she filed out her application online in case she has any question, big or small. You'll be surprised at the kind of question that pops up. I'm also not one of those moms who want to use this opportunity to teach a life lesson. There will always be plenty of life lessons, there is no need to flood any 16/17 years old with too much that they may feel totally overwhelmed.

    Looking back at my last year in college, I was so busy with interview and job search, luckily I only had 2 classes, so that I can totally sympathize with DD on this college admissions process.
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