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No Happy News at My Desk...

AlumotherAlumother Registered User Posts: 6,239 Senior Member
edited February 2012 in Parents Forum
Flip side, or at least another version of the story we are all playing out. My D was waiting to hear from Harvard (deferred EA) and Columbia today. I am in the office, she is home, my H and S are home with her (home office, spring break).

I call home at 2pm, when emails are due. She isn't even home - she and S are grocery shopping for a dinner they plan to cook for us tonight. I call her cell. She says she will be home in 5 minutes. 10 minutes later I get the call from H - so I know it isn't good. If it were good she would call me herself. Waitlisted at Harvard. But I didn't really have high hopes of that and it isn't her first choice, so fine.

Then she has to go babysit! So she doesn't even get the Columbia mail. I while away the time in work discussions, phone calls from Shanghai as that side of the world wakes up. I keep pinging cc just for something to do.

AT 3:15 I see my H's number on my cell. Heart sinks again. Know what this means.

She's waitlisted at Columbia too. I ask to talk to her - just to tell her that I see from the Columbia cc board that waitlisted kids are really high stats, so maybe they just thought she'd get into HYPS. She, the most talkative of souls, speaks in monotones. I ask her when I should come home for dinner. She says she doesn't know. I say I will be home soon.

So I have to try not to cry at my desk, given that my office has this huge glass window looking out at other humans.

I'm natively optimistic, so I am sure that I'll tell myself the good side of this story somehow. It's also true that she hasn't yet heard from Princeton or Stanford, and that she is accepted already to Berkeley. But at this moment it just makes me want to cry. She is such a stellar kid, she did all of this herself with no pushing from us at all, and I really thought Columbia would accept her. She is so disappointed, and is the type who doesn't take comfort, so she doesn't really even want to talk.

I will just go home and eat dinner and tell her I love her and it'll be fine. But nothing I can do will ever erase this for her. My job will be to put it in context.

For those who will want to know, her stats are below.

SAT 1 1470 (740M730V)
SAT II 800,800, and 7 something
GPA: Never got anything but an A, highest grade possible, and has taken 7 APS
Rotary award for pre-calculus and calculus
Co-editor newspaper
Ballet dancer chosen for summer intensive at American Ballet Theater in New York - only 250 kids are taken each summer from auditions with hundreds of kids at 20 cities around the country
Lead in school plays
Head of dance club
Taught math to Hispanic kids from underprivileged schools

Essay: Orginal, about termites and protists
Recs: Academic dean of school said she was one of top 5 individuals she had met in 15 years of teaching

Hook? Went to a free school until high school which didn't even give grades....

What do we do now? Other than wait for Princeton and Stanford.
Post edited by Alumother on

Replies to: No Happy News at My Desk...

  • NorthstarmomNorthstarmom Registered User Posts: 24,853 Senior Member
    I am sending you a cyberhug and wishes for good news from the other colleges. If Berkeley ends up being her only choice, however, it's a terrific university.
  • momsdreammomsdream Registered User Posts: 1,631 Senior Member

    I have champagne for you too!! Rather than a glass, you get a full bottle!

    So sorry to hear about your D's waitlistings. I agree with NSM about Berkeley! Luckily, your D already has a fantastic option available to her.
    Still, I know it must be hard to get two waitlist letters in one day. Hugs to your D!!
  • AlumotherAlumother Registered User Posts: 6,239 Senior Member
    Thanks Northstarmom. The cyberhug is appreciated. Just heard she received a Regents Scholarship at Berkeley so it eases the sting. This time she talked to me with the girl back in her voice.
  • NorthstarmomNorthstarmom Registered User Posts: 24,853 Senior Member
    Congratulations on the Berkeley Regents Scholarship!
  • jmmomjmmom Registered User Posts: 9,084 Senior Member
    The hardest thing is aching for our kid. Fingers crossed for the remaining two responses.
  • dstarkdstark Registered User Posts: 34,241 Senior Member
    Berkeley is awesome. I know people picking Berkeley over Stanford and other schools. And a Regents too. Congratulations. I think the title of your thread is ridiculous.
  • curmudgeoncurmudgeon Registered User Posts: 12,128 Senior Member
    My job will be to put it in context.
    I think you already know. You'll be fine and so will she. She did her job well, concentrate on the successes. A lottery is a lottery. I wouldn't attempt to minimize the negatives. When I try it, it always seems forced. Nothing wrong with a good hug and some silent sitting next to her for as long as she wants. This too will pass. Chin up.

    One other thing, it works for D to workout or run or shoot buckets. Something fairly physical and relatively mindless. She could try it.
  • optimizerdadoptimizerdad Registered User Posts: 774 Member
    She's in at BERKELEY? With a Regents scholarship??

    If either you or your D are still feeling 'down' in some way, I think you need someone close to you to pick up a 2x4 and whack some sense into your head(s) :) . Kidding aside - you should be celebrating!!!
  • AlumotherAlumother Registered User Posts: 6,239 Senior Member
    jmmom - thank you for the crossed fingers
    momsdream - thank you for the champagne
    dstark - yeah, well strong emotions generally have a ridiculous aspect viewed from a rational perspective. And to be precise, we had heard about the Berkeley acceptance previously, and the news about the Regents came in after I posted the title, so I was referring strictly to the Columbia/Harvard news.
    curmudgeon - yes. basketball. I will send H and S out with her. sweating always puts her in a better mood
    optimizerdad - and you are the math guy so I gracefully accept that 2x4 whack.

  • minimini Registered User Posts: 26,431 Senior Member
    So she could freeze to death and never see a green living thing at Columbia, or be one of those myriad unsatisfied kids at Harvard, or spend four years, at very low cost at one of the best universities in one of the coolest locations on the planet, with enough money left over to sail around the world, go butterfly hunting in Costa Rica, buy a new car, and, maybe, graduate with no loans?

    It stings, but if you add this all up for her, she'll get over it awfully quick! Congratulations!
  • reeses414reeses414 Registered User Posts: 1,107 Senior Member
    This situation sounds all too familiar to me because it happened to me less than a week ago. It does hurt, but at this point, nothing can be done except being happy about the schools that did accept her (In my case, I'm lucky enough to have Michigan there for me). Basically, all you can do is be a shoulder to cry on and then get her excited about the school that she will be attending next fall. Also, remind her that she did everything in her power to excel in high school and that she deserves to be recognized for that-even if the recognition isn't coming from Harvard or Columbia.
  • maritemarite Registered User Posts: 21,586 Senior Member
    Alumother: Congratulations and condolences all in one!

    It hurts to be rejected or waitlisted, so I really sympathize with your D and with you, but Berkeley with a Regents Scholarship is a wonderful opportunity. And the weather is better than in NYC or Boston. So give yourselves a little time to mourn that Columbia and Harvard did not have the sense to accept your wonderful D then focus on rejoicing in the bright future she has at Berkeley.
  • MotherOfTwoMotherOfTwo Registered User Posts: 2,110 Senior Member
    Your daughter is still the same wonderful and talented person whether or not she was accepted by one school or another. I know she is disappointed, as anyone would be, but this is not the end of the world for her. Based on what you have told us, she will flourish and excel wherever she goes to school, and she has been recognized with a very prestigious Berkeley scholarship. And don't assume that Stanford and Princeton are lost causes until you hear from them - she still has a good chance of hearing good news from one of these.
  • jym626jym626 Registered User Posts: 57,398 Senior Member

    First of all, CONGRATS on the great news of Berkeley with money!!! As my kid would say, that rocks.

    And as for the other, it isn't really bad news. It just prolongs the a-g-o-n-y. Sometimes closure, yes or no, in or out, accepted or rejected, is easier than a "m-a-y-b-e... We'll just string you along a little longer" Arrrgggghhhh. that would be like water torture.

    But you still have two more FANTASTIC choices to hear from, and as a legacy at P'Ton, well... I'll keep my fingers crossed for you. I fully expect that your next thread will be one of those "which should she choose" threads. :)
  • msteemstee Registered User Posts: 3,136 Senior Member
    Alu--good luck with the remaining apps. I know how you feel. Last year I shrugged a couple of S's rejections off, no biggie, but the Chicago waitlisting (which I thought was a rejection at first) really threw me. S took it in stride, but I was stunned. Some of these things just hit hard, for no logical reason. Because I just "knew" that Chicago would be too intense for him. But another part of me just knew that if ever there was a UChicago "type", he was it, so how could they not see that? He was waitlisted at three schools and rejected at two, and that was the only one that really stung. And he did get into some great schools, so it was not like he was rejected everywhere. Anyway, he got in off the waitlist for Chicago and is there now. Somehow it morphed into his top choice during the process, and when he got in, that's where he wanted to go. At that point, H and I, however, had fallen in love with Grinnell and it was really hard to let that go. Strange, illogical, wild, brutal emotional process, isn't it?

    But your amazing D does have Berkeley, and with a Regents! --that's quite an achievement! Congrats! and good luck with Princeton/Stanford!
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