Welcome to College Confidential!

The leading college-bound community on the web

Sign Up For Free

Join for FREE, and start talking with other members, weighing in on community discussions, and more.

Also, by registering and logging in you'll see fewer ads and pesky welcome messages (like this one!)

As a CC member, you can:

  • Reply to threads, and start your own.
  • Post reviews of your campus visits.
  • Find hundreds of pages of informative articles.
  • Search from over 3 million scholarships.

I think my parents are over reacting.

13»

Replies to: I think my parents are over reacting.

  • minimini Registered User Posts: 26,431 Senior Member
    Better luck next time. ;)
  • AustinhillsAustinhills Registered User Posts: 242 Junior Member
    Apologies in advance for not answering the OP's question. I'm just sharing what our public high school's practice is -

    D's school encourages attendance by allowing kids to exempt from one or more finals only if a) their grade is above a certain %, and b) they have no more than 4 unexcused absences.

    This most definitely encourages attendance, but it also means that more often than not, kids who are sick do not stay home. Not a good practice during say, swine flu time. (Ooo, I should email the principal with that thought...)
  • HuntHunt Registered User Posts: 26,917 Senior Member
    I think it's best to be honest, so I will tell you that in the grand scheme, skipping a couple of days will probably not wreck your life. On the other hand, it will hurt your mother and drive her nuts. So why do it?
  • bclintonkbclintonk Registered User Posts: 7,452 Senior Member
    Skipping may or may not get you into trouble with the school, but assuming you've got that part figured out, it's still a legitimate issue between you and your mom. You may see it as harmless fun. But try to look at it from the parents' point of view. One of the biggest things parents worry about before their kids go off to college is, "Is my child mature enough to handle this on her own?" Most of the time, the answer turns out to be yes; but not always. And even with mature, responsible, high-achieving kids, parents may worry. If you start skipping school in your senior year, that looks to a parent like a sign of irresponsibility, even immaturity---not following the rules, not following through on your obligations, not being self-disciplined, giving in to the temptation to slack off. Even if you continue to do well in school, it feels like a warning signal that this kid may not be ready to be responsible for herself once she's away at college. If you skip school without your parents' consent, there's an added element of disobedience. If you skip school without even letting them know, there's a further element of deception bordering on dishonesty, and your parent is going to ask, "What else is this kid concealing from me, now or in the past; and what else will be concealed in the future?" All at a time when you're expecting your parents to plunk down tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars for an education and a largely independent life away from the parents' watchful eye, where you'll be responsible for making your own educational decisions and managing your own life, really for the first time. That's a lot of responsibility, and for the parents, letting go requires an awful lot of trust. So suddenly you're acting in a way that produces less trust and less confidence in your ability to make mature and responsible judgments, just at the time that you're asking for more trust, a tremendous amount of trust from your parents. Downright scary from the parents' point of view. Maybe your mom is overreacting. But surely you can see why?
  • minimini Registered User Posts: 26,431 Senior Member
    I think you are likely making excellent choices not to be around all the drinking, doping, and educational time-wasting that characterizes much of the last few weeks of senior year. National data indicate that almost 50% of 12th graders got wasted at least once in the past two weeks (and many spent their in-school time planning for it), and roughly 1 in 5 was drunk or high in school. I think you may have been acting very responsibly in avoiding all of that, and I hope you do so in college as well. If your college classes are as much a wasteland as end of senior year often is, I hope you'll drop them as soon as you can and get into others, and take it up with the relevant dean. NOT putting up with such nonsense in college is the responsible thing to do. You don't want to waste your parents' hard-earned tuition money.

    Where you were not responsible is in sharing your decision-making process with your mom. Of course, a little rebellion isn't the most terrible thing in the world either, and by the end of the summer, you and your mom will probably hate each other, and she'll be glad to be spending all that money just to get you out of the house.

    Trust me: that too shall pass.
  • ellemenopeellemenope Registered User Posts: 11,380 Senior Member
    If you start skipping school in your senior year, that looks to a parent like a sign of irresponsibility, even immaturity---not following the rules, not following through on your obligations, not being self-disciplined, giving in to the temptation to slack off. Even if you continue to do well in school, it feels like a warning signal that this kid may not be ready to be responsible for herself once she's away at college.

    This is EXACTLY what I would be thinking if I were OP's parent. And coming on CC and trying to justify the wrong behavior isn't helping, either. Apologize to your mother and go to class. See how much of her trust you can regain before you go off to college in the fall.
  • minimini Registered User Posts: 26,431 Senior Member
    I don't think she has to justify wrong behavior - I'm not at all convinced that the behavior was wrong. But she has to apologize profusely for lying. That's the real issue.
  • zoosermomzoosermom Registered User Posts: 26,069 Senior Member
    Is there any way you can talk to her? My D2 is a junior. Has the SAT this weekend, AP/IB/Regents/ACT exams coming up as well as two internships and myriad ECs and time to spend with her grandmother who has cancer. She came to me last week and politely told me that she needed a day off to sleep and said that this Tuesday would best fit into her schedule. She hasn't been out a day since before Christmas. I took her approach as mature and honest and I respect it. I would not appreciate lying under any circumstances and it would damage our relationship, but I do think that a person her age knows when she really does need a rest or a break.
  • vicariousparentvicariousparent Registered User Posts: 5,940 Senior Member
    @Hunt#9: LOL! Except mom could also be following a direct route:

    "She's skipping school. She's probably out drinking. She probably has a drug problem."
  • minimini Registered User Posts: 26,431 Senior Member
    "She in school! She's a senior! She's probably been drinking! She probably has a drug problem!" :rolleyes:
  • ellen.leeellen.lee Registered User Posts: 23 New Member
    thank you very much for all of the advices :)
    I think I will talk to my mom- and maybe she'll let me have some mental health days..
    If not, i'll just go to class.. thanks ^^
  • LasMaLasMa Registered User Posts: 10,853 Senior Member
    Good decision, ellen. It's a character issue, among other things. Just do the right thing, even when it's not the fun thing. Life will go easier for you.
  • OHZarkOHZark Registered User Posts: 49 Junior Member
    Think of it this way. Your classmates and teachers will benefit from you being there and participating. Your mom will be happy. You might actually learn something either educationally or about yourself and your ability to perseverse. All positives. What do you miss? Some goof-off time. You'll probably have some time this summer for that.
13»
This discussion has been closed.