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Parents disagree on freshman son's happiness at college

moonchuckersmommoonchuckersmom Registered User Posts: 3 New Member
edited October 2009 in Parents Forum
Our son is a freshman. He has only been home once since he moved in on August 23rd (we live only 1.5 hours away so it would be possible for him to come home more often). He says he enjoys his classes and they are more difficult than he expected, but that he is "bored" and there are alot of "weird kids". He has never been one to join clubs or teams, and his friends in high school were all from the Honors Program that he was in since 9th grade. Also, his work study job has not started yet, and until he left for college, the majority of his time when not in school was spent at his part-time job.

I think this is just an adjustment and that he will be fine. My husband thinks something is "seriously wrong" and keeps asking him if he wants to transfer. I think if he transfers he will have the same complaints, but my husband is concerned because he's not constantly surrounded by friends and partying. I say he wasn't like that in high school, and he's not going to be like that in college, no matter where he goes. Besides - if he was really miserable, wouldn't he be begging to come home every weekend?

Any input to help resolve this dilemma between myself and my husband would be greatly appreciated!
Post edited by moonchuckersmom on

Replies to: Parents disagree on freshman son's happiness at college

  • sunnyfloridasunnyflorida Registered User Posts: 4,790 Senior Member
    Sounds like your husband is very different from your son, and your husband is projecting that "he" would be unhappy at this school. But he is not your son. Perhaps a visit to the college would help. It's a bit early to talk transfer. Everyone needs time to adjust. When does his work study job start?
  • TwistedxKissTwistedxKiss Registered User Posts: 2,535 Senior Member
    I would agree with you, especially in that he'd likely have the same problems if he transferred. That doesn't sound so much like a problem with the school so much as an adjustment because it's not the same as it was in high school, and that transition is inevitable. And transferring can be VERY difficult on you socially, I transferred after sophomore year and have met hundreds of other transfers here and the first thing they always say to me is, "it's hard, isnt it?" I strongly encourage everyone I meet who is considering transferring to give their first school an honest chance before leaving, transferring in some cases is the best option but it also opens a whole different can of worms.

    I think once he gets busy with something, even if it's just the job, he'll warm up to things. And if he doesn't then it may be time to revisit the issue. Even if he's not one for clubs, if he's bored it might not be a bad idea to encourage him to try dropping into just one meeting. I was never, ever into clubs in high school, graduated with NO ECs whatsoever, and I tried clubs my sophomore year strictly to enhance my transfer apps and found-- SURPRISE-- I actually really enjoy them. Now I have to scold myself for overloading on them. If he tries to stay totally true to his high school self and doesn't try anything new now that he's in a whole new world in college, he may find he's missing out.
  • moonchuckersmommoonchuckersmom Registered User Posts: 3 New Member
    Thank you - that is exactly what I have been trying to get across to my husband but didn't know if I was wrong for dismissing it as his own perception. Work Study starts in two weeks; they are on the 4 module system, and they do not like to start Freshmen on Work Study during their first module.
  • atomomatomom Registered User Posts: 4,346 Senior Member
    If the kid isn't complaining/homesick, and he enjoys his classes (especially if he is an honor student who gets good grades), I'd let him be. Maybe encourage him to join a club. He'll probably feel less bored once his starts his job.

    Would Dad rather have him drinking, skipping class, chasing girls ? (i.e. what he did in college ;) )

    Count your blessings--the kid sounds normal to me.
  • mom2collegekidsmom2collegekids Registered User Posts: 82,539 Senior Member
    I think when he starts his job, he'll be fine.

    And, I agree...he'd have the same "issues" if he transferred.
  • berryberry61berryberry61 Registered User Posts: 596 Member
    Your kid sounds fine (your husband on the other hand . . . :) )Seriously, give him time to adjust. I really see no issue with him.
  • rhumbobrhumbob Registered User Posts: 472 Member
    He has only been in college for a few weeks. Too soon to really acclimate.

    Tell the kid to get off his lazy behind and get involved. Encourage him to check out activities. TwistedxKiss put it well - he doesn't have to remain the same person he was in high school.
  • AnudduhMomAnudduhMom Registered User Posts: 783 Member
    Is there a Parents' Weekend you can attend together? That might allay the H's fears a bit.
  • PackMomPackMom Registered User Posts: 7,667 Senior Member
    Does he seem to get along well with his roommate? Could they do some things together to relieve the "boredom" if he is hesitant to jump out there (clubs,ec's) on his own?
    Does he like sports...just going to some school games would be something to do and make him feel more involved.

    I agree with others who said if he were really miserable, you would have known. He would have been coming home (or at least asking to) on the weekends.
  • TheresaCPATheresaCPA Registered User Posts: 661 Member
    Yeah, send the husband up to college on Parents weekend so the dad can party and goof off. The son sounds normal, dad needs to adjust.
  • kitty56kitty56 Registered User Posts: 1,308 Senior Member
    if he was really miserable, wouldn't he be begging to come home every weekend?

    From a parent who has been there (son was 2 hours away at the time and had a daily countdown timer on his computer until the end of the semester and his transfer) - YES!!!
  • Leah321Leah321 Registered User Posts: 68 Junior Member
    It sounds like he should transfer. Something is wrong with your son.
  • maritemarite Registered User Posts: 21,586 Senior Member
    I think dad is missing son and is projecting.
  • coolweathercoolweather Registered User Posts: 5,395 Senior Member
    What does guarantee that he will be happy at the new school?
  • ellemenopeellemenope Registered User Posts: 11,380 Senior Member
    Are S and H talking in some sort of manguage (man language) to which we females are not given the Rosetta Stone?
This discussion has been closed.