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Still no friends?

Ajpat123Ajpat123 Registered User Posts: 216 Junior Member
I moved in the 19th, we did a lot of floor activities I went to most of them. Most of my floor mates are acquaintances (the type you say hi to in the halls and maybe have a little conversation). My roommate is cool we eat together and have a class together but we dont really "hang out" other than that. I see people walking around and acting as if they have known each other forever and its kinda got me bummed out. Everyone has a group of people and stuff. In class I do talk to the person next to me (when I can) but usually its just a quick convo and then the lecture starts (even when Im early to class). I put my email for 3 clubs at the involvement fair (the small one, I missed the big one because of classes). Am I overreacting? I know its only been 5 days, but Im starting to get a little bummed out.

Replies to: Still no friends?

  • WorryHurry411WorryHurry411 Registered User Posts: 1,112 Senior Member
    Stay positive, keep trying in diffrent ways, don't take it personally, things will work out. You sound like a person who'll make it. Best of luck!
  • bodanglesbodangles Registered User Posts: 9,185 Senior Member
    Five days is nothing -- my main club hasn't even had a meeting yet. Hang in there. (Shameless self-plug for book club -- Wednesdays at 8 pm. Join the Facebook group for more info!)

    Also, if you want someone new to eat with sometime, I'm always up for food, and I have a friend I can bring for a bigger group.
  • techmom99techmom99 Registered User Posts: 2,951 Senior Member
    When my D began college, she was lonely and homesick. She didn't really hit it off with her roommate, either. She went to the counseling center where they advised her to approach someone sitting alone in the cafeteria at every meal and introduce herself and ask if she could join them. She met some nice people, was turned down a few times and within a couple of weeks had plenty of friends. The next year, she became an RA and her expertise was in drawing people out. I suggest you try the same thing. The counselor told her that many people have the same feelings.
  • japsmomjapsmom Registered User Posts: 161 Junior Member
    @Ajpat123 You will meet friends through the clubs/orgs. My son signed up for 5 clubs this week and has already attended 4 meetings. He said he's meeting a lot of people. Be patient, you will meet friends. Also, I think you should take @bodangles up on her offer. That is really nice of her to extend that invitation to you. I was looking at a list of clubs and organization PSU offers, it is endless. There is something for everyone. Good luck!!
  • JJHS2014JJHS2014 Registered User Posts: 19 New Member
    Please do not despair. It is only the first week and while it seems that a lot people know each other well, generally that is not the case. I am part of several other PSU groups and there are many, many freshman who feel as you do. You are not the only one although I'm sure it seems that way at times.

    I have learned in life that making and keeping friends is a process that takes time and effort so don't worry if you don't have a close group of friend right away. Give yourself some time, you are in a new school, new housing situation, new classes, that is a lot to process and take in.
  • blevineblevine Registered User Posts: 841 Member
    In addition to clubs, when you go to the cafeteria, find others sitting by themselves, and just sit next to them and start talking. If you have things in common, exchange contact info and make an effort to see them again.
  • Ajpat123Ajpat123 Registered User Posts: 216 Junior Member
    @blevine @bodangles @JJHS2014 @japsmom Theres a block party tonight, my roommate has a bonfire to go to for his club, should I go to the block party alone? I feel like its going to be awkward just sitting there with no one. I`d go with people on my floor but dont see anyone around right now.
  • japsmomjapsmom Registered User Posts: 161 Junior Member
    @Ajpat123 Sure, go alone if you have to. Can you just ask the people (not sure if you are male or female) on your floor if they are going? Maybe you can tag along with someone. Boys are always happy to have a crowd. Did you try going on Penn State class of 2020 facebook page? You can ask if anyone is going tonight and if they'd like to meet up.
  • metsfanAJMmetsfanAJM Registered User Posts: 1,574 Senior Member
    edited August 2016
    @Ajpat123: I actually ended up going to the block party alone last year - The Chainsmokers were here and it was so much fun. It was probably one of the best concerts I've ever been to. So yes, I would say go alone and start hanging out with some people there. Maybe I'll see you around later tonight :).

    Agree with everyone else about the clubs - most of them won't even have meetings until next week, and even then, you can still join later on in the semester. I'd also recommend looking into joining some time of THON org or committee, that's another great way to meet a lot of people, in addition to being a part of a great cause.

    Also I'd like to add that a lot of the people I eventually became friends with freshman year were people I met at the commons watching football games. If sports isn't your thing, try participating in HUB late night activities or activities with the rest of your floor. If you keep making an effort, eventually friends will come.
  • bodanglesbodangles Registered User Posts: 9,185 Senior Member
    Prepare for a big crowd if you go! I'll be listening from the relative calm of my room. :P
  • MrElculver2424MrElculver2424 Registered User Posts: 163 Junior Member
    Don't chase people or feel like you have to walk around in a group. Trust me, it will just degrade your self confidence over time because you will be consistently disappointed. I'm a junior and have only made a couple friends in college and now they have become simply acquaintances.

    Those people who think that social popularity and social "fun" is important are usually the people who party heavily and therefore aren't doing college the right way. They might be popular now but this is their prime. When they leave college and enter the real world, they're going to be hit hard.

    Everyone wants to have friends and have fun when they first start college, but most of that is social pressure because we are indoctrinated to believe that partying and having a big social life is what makes people successful. But it's not. And the quicker you accept this, the more you can focus on doing YOU and focusing on your career path and what you want to contribute to the world in your life.

    You will make the right friends over time through your academic work. It's hard to see that, and even I get depressed as a junior (because I have literally next to no friends), but it's true...just stay focused on your work and things will align in a way that you'll be happy with over time.
  • Ajpat123Ajpat123 Registered User Posts: 216 Junior Member
    @bodangles how long did it take you to make friends? I feel like I made friends with my roommate and someone from one of my clubs (the night of block party my club had a meeting so I decided to go there instead and ended up having a good time). I guess I kind of over reacted since it was only the first week.
  • bodanglesbodangles Registered User Posts: 9,185 Senior Member
    Forever. Like, entire semesters.

    If you make one or two in the first couple of weeks then that's a success in my book!
  • greenbuttongreenbutton Registered User Posts: 2,534 Senior Member
    My students were very different -- interested in different things, one much more outgoing and easygoing. One joined lots of things, one did not. Neither one made lots of friends the first semester and I think that's true of most people. But both of them had a nice small group of devoted friends by the time they were graduating. Keep yourself busy, don't confuse partying with making friends, and it will happen. Your interests will draw you together with other people. Adults find it hard to mainstain friendships, and it doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong or are somehow flawed.
  • JJHS2014JJHS2014 Registered User Posts: 19 New Member
    @Ajpat123 How did it go Friday? As far as clubs go I hear that a good club is ATLAS. I know nothing about it but other parents highly recommended it based upon their student's experience. Also, the first football game is this weekend and while you may or may not be into football, it is a good time to be out and about on campus. Good Luck.
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