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Having a lot of anxiety, about going to college?

gonegirlgonegirl 10 replies2 threads New Member
I apologize in advance, I really do, this post is going to be long and a vent of some sorts.

I never was the smartest kid in high schol. Never an AP or honors student, although I'm sure I could of handled it in my strongest subjects; my potential wasn't reached in high school, due to some questionable guidance counseling. Top universities and colleges were never a goal for me, just a school that would be good enough for me. I thought I found this school, until the reality sunk in, that I could not afford this school. Probably not ever.

The college I'm going to be starting in just a few weeks is a very nice and cheap public college. My financial aid package is something that I'm extremely grateful for. This college has an amazing department for my major - so shouldn't I be happy?

I'm not. I felt uneasy about it for a while. Orientation went well and I met some really nice people, but also witnessed some extremely terrible people, who were bullies. Plain and simple.

Orientation had me feeling better about my choices but still iffy. Most of my future classmates had connected on our class's Facebook page and were grouping up at orientation, not looking for others. It sounds so cliche but one of the girls I met, also noticed this; she's feeling the same as me.

My major's department is large and almost seems quite competitive at times. My college is quite small and I've tried connecting with some people in my major but I do not feel a connection with them, what's so ever.

Everyone is sharing their schedules and textbook planning, while I'm just dreading it. I thought I was excited for my classes but I'm not. I'm so numb about everything. I can't feel anything about school in a few weeks, no matter how hard I try. Last night and today, I even started having panic attacks about school. I talked to some of my friends and family about my feelings, and I woke up feeling so much better but it vanished. I've been anxious all day, just thinking about how I have to use my next paycheck to get books in place; how the clock keeps ticking and there's nothing I can do.

I don't want to go. I felt somewhat excited but I don't feel that way anymore. Everything is turning me off from my school at this point. I've tried fighting the feelin but I can't.

I am diagnosed with social anxiety and depression. During the past year, I've had a lot of drastic improvement in my mental health state, up until now. I rarely get panic attacks but the anxiousness just keeps coming back.

I just want to go to my local community college for a year and go from there. I've taken classes there and even though I wasn't the biggest fan of it there, I feel like that's what I SHOULD be doing. I would still be able to work in the evenings, too.

I don't feel any doubts about my major, just so many doubts about my school. I feel like I got forced into picking this college. Not by my family or friends, but by my old guidance counselor.

I don't know what to so. My mom is absolutely supportive of whatever I decide to do, but my sister thinks I'll be fine once I get there. I don't know. I could commute to this college because it is quite close to home but I don't think I can do anything about that now, as I got my housing information.

Before I committed to this college, I was super excited about my original college choice. I wish I could go there but I can't, and I can't get my brain to understand that. :(
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