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Dating at top schools?

XXmysticwindXXXXmysticwindXX 6 replies2 threads New Member
Hey all! I am new to this website as I am currently researching schools, and I stumbled upon this website. I learned a ton about the academic aspect of these top schools, like Andover and Exeter, but not much about how much of the "High School Experience" I will get. I know that I won't be attending high school parties or anything of that sort. However, I was wondering how dating goes for kids at boarding school, considering that students spend 4 hours a night on Homework. How a=popular are interracial couples? Are they a thing? How is it viewed upon by peers?
19 replies
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Replies to: Dating at top schools?

  • sgopal2sgopal2 3532 replies49 threads Senior Member
    Dating is fairly common at BS. Since the students live in campus together forming relationships is often easier.
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  • ChoatieMomChoatieMom 5325 replies249 threads Senior Member
    Our son's school had plenty of dances and other party-style activities. Plenty of opportunity to meet and mingle. There were couples of every stripe but our son reported mostly group dating and not a lot of exclusive, long-term connections.
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  • CenterCenter 2204 replies66 threads Senior Member
    There isnt much dating in the traditional sense: school dances and other school activities but very little of the couple going out alone. Andover and Exeter are pretty liberal and I dont think anyone gives much notice to the color or gender of couples
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  • applejuice007applejuice007 151 replies17 threads Junior Member
    edited August 2017
    I mean, you probably will be able to go to parties. I doubt that 100% of your weekends will be taken up by homework.
    edited August 2017
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  • XXmysticwindXXXXmysticwindXX 6 replies2 threads New Member
    edited August 2017
    Well, would you consider that a good thing? It kinda seems like you are against that type of thing
    @Center
    edited August 2017
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  • applejuice007applejuice007 151 replies17 threads Junior Member
    Most boarding schools are pretty liberal... I don't think too many are concerned about something as trivial as the color of one's skin
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  • skieuropeskieurope 39787 replies7246 threads Super Moderator
    It kinda seems like you are against that type of thing @Center
    I think you are inferring too much from the comment.

    So, to put it another way, casual connections are pretty common; exclusive dating is less common. There are plenty of opportunities to meet people with whom you can potentially know better.

    Also, be aware that most schools have defined guidelines on spending time with a potential romantic partner in the dorm which are outlined in the handbook.

    Nobody will bat an eye at an interracial couple.
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  • MAandMEmomMAandMEmom 1672 replies10 threads Senior Member
    I think dating in the traditional sense is pretty difficult at boarding school. Yes, they have tons of planned events but I agree from an outsider's parent view, it feels like its not not the same as when you have two kids at a local high school dating. I love the liberal nature of these schools and I was so pleasantly surprised at the diversity at each of the campuses we visited.
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  • doschicosdoschicos 21573 replies226 threads Senior Member
    Being walked back to your dorm is the boarding school equivalent of a date. :)
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  • XXmysticwindXXXXmysticwindXX 6 replies2 threads New Member
    Hey, I appreciate you all, for your responses, but I was hoping that some students attending Exeter/ Andover could give me some more insight
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  • doschicosdoschicos 21573 replies226 threads Senior Member
    since @skieurope is a young alum of one of those schools, seems like you have received your answer. :)
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  • XXmysticwindXXXXmysticwindXX 6 replies2 threads New Member
    So the general consensus here is that 1. No one looks down upon interracial couples, 2. There is not a ton of going to the movies/ going out to eat with someone, 3. There are some guidelines. Is this correct? I'm also wondering what would happen if you were caught kissing someone in your dorm at like, Exeter?
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  • skieuropeskieurope 39787 replies7246 threads Super Moderator
    edited August 2017
    . No one looks down upon interracial couples,
    Correct
    There is not a ton of going to the movies/ going out to eat with someone,
    Not exactly. People do go to the movies/out to eat, but it's more of a group thing which may include someone you really like.
    here are some guidelines
    Correct.
    I'm also wondering what would happen if you were caught kissing someone in your dorm
    Assuming that it's only kissing, and that other guidelines are observed (e.g. keeping the door ajar) are observed and the attention was not unwanted - nothing. However, IME, most kids will not to be the main exhibit for their classmates and house parents walking by.

    I will also say that many of your questions may be better answered by fellow students once you actually get accepted to one of these schools and attend. Although I could go into a lot of detail, there are a lot of parents here, and I am loathe to turn their hair any grayer. :)
    edited August 2017
    Post edited by skieurope on
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  • doschicosdoschicos 21573 replies226 threads Senior Member
    You won't get in trouble for getting caught kissing. However, remember that it is a community including faculty and their families which include their children. Limit the PDA, keep it PG.
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  • CenterCenter 2204 replies66 threads Senior Member
    @XXmysticwindXX why would I be "against that kind of thing"? That is kind of rude and presumptuous of you to say. You seem to be purposely attempting to bring race/racial hostility into your question under the guise of a dating question. Why would it matter if anyone here thought it was good or not anyway? You asked if people "peers" at these schools would take issue with inter racial dating. And, "how a=popular are interracial couples"? There is far less racism than many want there to be. In fact there is none that I see--I would go so far to say that non black and latino students are bombarded with seminars, assemblies and workshops on why they are racists and still dont recognize it. If your are looking for offense you will always find a way to find it or conjure it up. Is there still racism in this country? Sure. Kids at these schools are mostly worried about studying, sports and getting into college. They hang in groups and again I have noticed, often self segregate. Asian, black, hispanic etc. But there is certainly no concern over who is with who. Exeter may be the most hard core in trying to limit that tendency to group in that you cant even request a roommate and generally you remain in your dorm your whole tenure at the school. You can transfer but it is not easy and not frequently done. Everyone is spread about and all mixed up. Its awesome.
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  • XXmysticwindXXXXmysticwindXX 6 replies2 threads New Member
    @Center I owe you an apology. It was wrong for me to assume your stance, and I'm glad you did reply. The reason I was defensive about this issue, is because I've dated girls who weren't my ethnicity, and got ridiculed by peers. Again, I apologize for any inconveniences
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  • CenterCenter 2204 replies66 threads Senior Member
    edited August 2017
    @XXmysticwindXX thank you. : I commented earlier about self segregation. I notice by simple observation that people often still date and marry within their own racial or cultural background. I'm sure this is for many reasons and I doubt most are because they "have to." I dont know this for a fact but I imagine (again based on observations and living in highly diverse cities for much of my life) that black or latino boys/girls might tease a friend who dated a white or asian person. I imagine that white teens might tease their friends about dating a non white person. Those of Italian heritage might tease a friend about dating a Puerto Rican. In many instances (but clearly not all) I dont think it is hateful it is simply for being different or doing different. Read "The Big Orange Splot" someday. It sounds like that was not your experience and for that I am sorry. I do not think you will find that the case at most of these schools.
    edited August 2017
    Post edited by skieurope on
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  • natakwalinatakwali 116 replies12 threads Junior Member
    edited September 2017
    Hey! As a current Andover student, I think you'll have more time to party/have fun/that sort of thing than you think. In addition to the formals (I think there are 3), there are "den dances" and club-hosted parties/events super often. You'll probably spend more time "studying" with your friends in the library than by yourself in your dorm. You'll also probably work harder for school than you ever have before, but it won't be a constant worry, especially as an underclassman.

    As for dating, exclusive movie dates aren't really a thing because there isn't a walkable movie theater. For "dates", people just schedule low effort alone time (I imagine this is true for all high school students?), whether that means walking downtown together and sitting in a cafe or something, going to a show or game, watching a movie in the dorm, etc.
    edited September 2017
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  • Mayamagic082Mayamagic082 4 replies0 threads New Member
    OP, in this post you say you have been at Exeter several years already? Something is amiss about your posts https://talk.collegeconfidential.com/discussion/comment/20881758#Form_Body
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