Welcome to College Confidential!

The leading college-bound community on the web

Sign Up For Free

Join for FREE, and start talking with other members, weighing in on community discussions, and more.

Also, by registering and logging in you'll see fewer ads and pesky welcome messages (like this one!)

As a CC member, you can:

  • Reply to threads, and start your own.
  • Post reviews of your campus visits.
  • Find hundreds of pages of informative articles.
  • Search from over 3 million scholarships.

Hostility to parents who "send their kids away" to BS

24

Replies to: Hostility to parents who "send their kids away" to BS

  • Ramon712Ramon712 Registered User Posts: 90 Junior Member
    Wow...not sure what to say. I think you did the best you could in the circumstances. You will hear lots of crazy stuff, don't let it bother you and know that you are giving your daughter the best opportunity for her, and really that's all that matters.

    And the race stuff, people will always look for some excuse. When my son got into BS and many of his friends did not, some of the parents told their kids that he only got in because of he is black and an athlete. Course, the didn't know his scores, grades or application, but that's what they told their children. Nice lesson to teach your kids people. Just move on and look forward to them asking how she is doing ( cause they will) and you get to talk about what a wonderful experience she is having!
  • winker425winker425 Registered User Posts: 66 Junior Member
    Last year I had one in boarding school, was homeschooling one in middle school -- and working full time. Try explaining that! ;-). Where I live the puzzlement comes more from the fact that the schools are "so good." Talking, nationally assumed to be some of the best. So why on earth boarding school, now for two? I think a lot of people think we're throwing away money. Or previously undisclosed trust funds, lol.
  • dodgersmomdodgersmom Registered User Posts: 7,311 Senior Member
    Too little, too late . . .
    "I'm sure her race was a huge help in getting her accepted"

    Response: "Oh, that so true . . . they only accept humans!"
    "The buildings aren't very impressive"

    Response: "Oh, I quite agree - not one of them has a graduate degree. It's a good thing that 78% of the teachers do!"
    At this point, I decide that I've apparently misjudged the mental capacity of this person all these years . . .

    And I am still laughing at this comment. Thank you!!!
  • GMTplus7GMTplus7 Registered User Posts: 14,567 Senior Member
    dodgersmom, congrats on your 1000!
  • MarigrowMarigrow Registered User Posts: 74 Junior Member
    Parkermom,

    This is the funniest post I have ever seen on CC. Thanks for submitting it.
  • RanabonaRanabona Registered User Posts: 74 Junior Member
    We have spent a lot of money on private schooling for our children. I think it is so funny when women in my one group of friends actually say to me, "I don't know why you spend your money on private schools when we live in a perfectly good school district." Meanwhile, their houses are decorated to the hilt, they drive luxury cars, and our girls night discussions eventually get around to what super expensive vacations they are taking over spring break, summer, and/or Christmas. My house decorations could not begin to compare, I have never owned a luxury car, we rarely go on vacation, and I am the one looking like the slumpidink when we get together. Everyone has different priorities, and I have no desire to trade my decisions for how I "waste" my money with theirs.
  • Charger78Charger78 Registered User Posts: 711 Member
    Amen (amen, amen).
  • MamaBugMamaBug Registered User Posts: 36 Junior Member
    Having used (in no particular order and with varying degrees of success) home schooling, public schools, private schools, out-of-district schools, grade skips for my children -- and now considering boarding schools / early entrance colleges -- I have found "school choice" to be the most explosive parenting issue to discuss with others. It makes people defensive and threatened in ways no other topic seems to. Well, other than the breast is best debate and co-sleeping.
  • mountainhikermountainhiker Registered User Posts: 809 Member
    @ranabona -

    slumpidink - my new favorite word to describe my Marshall’s and TJ Maxx wardrobe!
  • RanabonaRanabona Registered User Posts: 74 Junior Member
    I think I often find it is difficult to defend my decision to send my D to boarding school because, in doing so, people then believe I am judging their decision...the one I didn't choose. It definitely makes people defensive and threatened.

    @Mountainhiker - I should dump my friends and hang out with you!
  • baseballmombaseballmom Registered User Posts: 1,610 Senior Member
    the latest comment from a "friend" when I listed the far away colleges our current BS son is considering: "Oh, we're not that, ahhhh, kind of , ahhhh, parents. We like them, ahhh, close to home." This was followed by an awkward silence while I tried to think of a response. I couldn't so I just smiled and nodded. She recovered quickly and listed a bunch of the latest wonderful accomplishments of her child. More smiling and nodding by me...
  • muf123muf123 Registered User Posts: 790 Member
    Yup, I got the same eyebrow raising comments when my 15 yr. old announced that she would be attending BS in a different country. One parent asked if I was sending her to reform school. Another asked why the schools in the US weren't good enough for us. I realized our true friends were the ones who admired my daughter for seeking a unique high school experience. Anyone who makes passive aggressive comments and needs me to justify a family decision is not a supportive friend. I learned to smile and nod to all the others.
  • stagemumstagemum Registered User Posts: 544 Member
    I related this on a thread last year, but wanted to repeat it: I grew up in a predominantly blue-collar city and, when my eldest sisters first went away to school, most people had only one notion of what it meant (years before Roe v. Wade, of course) when teenage girls were "sent away." My sisters were actually amused by the suggestion that they might be "wayward girls" (yes, the "home" in our area still used that expression into the 1960s), rather than preppies. My English teacher in junior high dismissively referred to "finishing school" when he heard I was headed for boarding school.
  • mountainhikermountainhiker Registered User Posts: 809 Member
    Just got completely blindsided by a friend of 15+ years. In a Facebook conversation completely unrelated to boarding school (it was about kids away at camp, and missing them, without a single mention of BS), she out of the blue blasted me in a long diatribe for “sending your kids away to boarding school.” She loves her son, is not ready to let him go, plans to enjoy him for the next two years, and ended up with a discussion on “different parenting styles,” with the clear understanding that the decision to send kids to boarding school is a “poor” parenting style.

    Ouch. I expect some of this is stemming from the fact that she’s sending her eldest daughter off to college in the fall, and will miss her very much. Maybe she’s projecting her discomfort/fear onto me, who knows. But it still hurt, especially coming from someone I thought was a friend.

    I thought I remembered a discussion on this topic from a while back, and found this thread. Thanks to all for the support here - sometimes it does feel really lonely to be in a part of the country where boarding school is not known, not appreciated and most definitely is misunderstood.
  • ParlabaneParlabane Registered User Posts: 596 Member
    It's surprising, and disappointing, to confront ignorance in a person you know well. On the macro level, we struggle with the fact that large swaths of our population are poorly exposed to people from different cultures, who make different decisions, and value things differently. These same poorly exposed population groups are often the most judgmental. It's toxic for the U.S.

    If I were in a part of the country where my child was only exposed to kids just like him or her and where 99% of the population moved in lockstep on academic and social issues, I would be so grateful for a top boarding school opportunity, if only to arrest ignorance before it becomes a habit.
This discussion has been closed.