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Helicopter parents buying house near kid's boarding school

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Replies to: Helicopter parents buying house near kid's boarding school

  • lookingforwardlookingforward Registered User Posts: 25,283 Senior Member
    edited September 2014
    Come on, twice divorced, last kid, apparently still working, and a choice to live in Newport, a quaint historic town with lots of restaurants and shops- and some interest for a single woman- rather than Cranston, a bedroom community? Easy. So the kid can come home occasionally, go look at yachts. Oddly, I don't cringe. What did get me was D1's freshman roommate's mom, who took a job across the street from college, (an hour-plus from home,) to be near the kid.

    Not that Ms. Garcia Ponte will see her daughter much. Local parents are encouraged to stay away the first few weeks, “so the children can acclimate,” she said. “And they only get two weekends away per trimester.”
  • ChoatieMomChoatieMom Registered User Posts: 3,715 Senior Member
    GMC: You drive up to see ChoatieKid and I'll drive up to see GMCKid. ;)
  • rhandcorhandco Registered User Posts: 4,282 Senior Member
    Every time I read about helicopter parents, I think of this:
    http://lisawallerrogers.****/2009/11/23/general-macarthur-had-a-helicopter-mom/
  • ChoatieMomChoatieMom Registered User Posts: 3,715 Senior Member
    @rhandco: Are you suggesting some correlation between a helicopter mom and a son who decides on a career involving guns?
  • rhandcorhandco Registered User Posts: 4,282 Senior Member
    LOL - not in my house. But I think MacArthur did okay, despite his helicopter mom.

    And if you watch old movies, the mother often moves in with the son, hence the MIL trope. What is a mother, if not a substitute for an eventual wife to clean and cook for her son?
  • towerchutetowerchute Registered User Posts: 73 Junior Member
    Maybe this is why the vast majority of boarding schools are out in the middle of no where, to keep the rents away!
  • MaynardGKrebsMaynardGKrebs Registered User Posts: 107 Junior Member
    edited September 2014
    Edited because I thought this was referring to college aged kids, not HS.
  • friendlymomfriendlymom Registered User Posts: 379 Member
    friendlydad and I had a good eyeroll over this article this morning. I don't think the situation of the single mom missing her daughter is worth debating. The parents who irked me were the ones who refused to accept that part of the point of boarding school was for their kids to develop their own coping and lifestyle mechanisms. Examples that come to mind are the parents of juniors who decide that they need to be near their kids to help them through the college process, and the one whose daughter fought the move "tooth and nail" but now, according to her mother, likes having her parents around to spoil her.

  • soxmomsoxmom Registered User Posts: 667 Member
    I don't have an issue with the moving to be near her kid part at all. The part I do have an issue with is where she says that she's doing it because she's "not ready to give up parenting." Silly me, I must have missed the part in the parenting manual where it explained that if my child went to school a couple of hours from home, I would no longer be parenting him.

    That said, I totally get the concept of buying or renting an apartment or house nearby to use on weekends. My son is at Hotchkiss, which is in an absolutely gorgeous area but has very, very few good hotel options anywhere around. It's occurred to me more than once how nice it would be to have a weekend home somewhere out there so that we could more easily go see his games on the weekends and not have to worry about being able to find a hotel room within a reasonable driving distance for things like parents weekend, etc. I don't think that makes me a helicopter parent, it just makes me someone who'd like to see her kid's baseball game without having to drive six hours roundtrip in a day to do so. I recognize that we're lucky compared to many boarding school families that we're even able to go see his games or performances, but I still wouldn't mind being able to cut down on the driving!
  • london203london203 Registered User Posts: 1,302 Senior Member
    I have to say, there are times I wish we lived closer. NOT so I could interfere in the daily life of my kid, but I really do miss seeing her play sports. I get great joy from watching her get better and love to witness her success....I also hate moving so no worries!
  • GMTplus7GMTplus7 Registered User Posts: 14,567 Senior Member
    I also see the appeal of buying a home nearby to use in lieu of a hotel when visiting. But to buy a home nearby so you can live there more-or-less full time to hover over the boarding kid-- groan. Wouldn't it make more sense to simply do day school?

    It reminds me of the news stories I've read of pampered, wealthy int'l students who come to the US for college, and their mom comes along to hover and do their laundry for them. Come to think of it, I recall this one mom during S1's freshman year who would come EVERY weekend to vacuum her kid's room-- eyeroll...

  • Momto4kidsMomto4kids Registered User Posts: 233 Junior Member
    Agreed, doing the vacuuming every weekend is ridiculous! I did, however, make the drive up to my son's school on the first weekend to help him do the laundry. We decided that the laundry service was too expensive and there was no way I was going to be schlepping his laundry to him each weekend. We agreed that we would work on it once he arrived. It's funny, however, that when I got there the machines were all full. My son seemed to have no problem with that and assured me that he would be just fine doing it by himself. I was very tempted to text him to ask how it went, but resisted. We will stop by this weekend and see how he is doing and have the necessary sibling visit. I will also, insist that he change his sheets!
  • friendlymomfriendlymom Registered User Posts: 379 Member
    @Momto4kids - Seriously, stay out of it. He needs to feel that he is capable enough to make his own decisions about laundry and hygiene.

    With regard to @GMTplus7, it seems like there is a giant spectrum here. I stumbled across a website providing parent-type services for international families of BS kids, up to and including picking up your kid at a moment's notice if they get kicked out of school!
  • geo1113geo1113 Registered User Posts: 1,427 Senior Member
    "The part I do have an issue with is where she says that she's doing it because she's 'not ready to give up parenting'."

    I don't know why this is a problem, The kid is going to be a freshman, i.e. a 14-year-old. I wasn't done parenting when my sons were 14.
  • PhotographerMomPhotographerMom Registered User Posts: 1,583 Senior Member
    Some BS parents believe that they have to relinquish control and influence when they send their kid to BS. Most parents (familiar with BS) will tell you that this is certainly not the case.

    The kids who thrive at BS have parents who are confident in how they raised them BEFORE they leave for school . It doesn't really matter how young they are. It can be any age or form.





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