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At what age do you permit certain independent activities?

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Replies to: At what age do you permit certain independent activities?

  • gardenstategalgardenstategal Registered User Posts: 4,236 Senior Member
    Especially when kids could drive, our rule was that we wanted a text upon arrival and when departing from a location. (Distances usually involved at least 30 minutes of driving, so this helped allay our concerns when there was no communication. ) We always made it clear that we would happily come get him from any situation that got out of control. Sensible friends help, but with kids this age, it's also easy for things to spiral. A trustworthy kid can go with others to a situation that is not what was expected with no way to leave. So we were permissive but wanted him on our radar.
  • Waiting2exhaleWaiting2exhale Registered User Posts: 2,465 Senior Member
    I was just wondering the same thing, @TheStig2, and then wondered if all the time I've been reading and participating in these threads if Prep School Parents was not merely focused on the boarding schools. Guess it's not called Boarding School Parents....
  • gardenstategalgardenstategal Registered User Posts: 4,236 Senior Member
    So maybe it should be "how do you manage the permissions? "
  • gardenstategalgardenstategal Registered User Posts: 4,236 Senior Member
    As I read the comments above and agree that some might be more appropriate for a general parents forum, it strikes me that while kiddo is independent at BS, the rules are those of the school. When they come home, it feels like there's not a lot of reference points for these decisions. And when they want to do something like go away to the beach for a week to someone's house (without adults) with their BS friends, it's hard to know what kind of company they're keeping.

    And yes, before freshman year, I was confused about the permissions. Wasn't sure what I should be saying yes to.
  • AppleNotFarAppleNotFar Registered User Posts: 1,046 Senior Member
    And when they want to do something like go away to the beach for a week to someone's house (without adults) with their BS friends

    That scenario is a no for us for now; someone, if not all of them, should be 18 I think. I grew up about an hour and a half from a spring break hot spot and wow did some crazy stuff happen even when we had someone's mom along. The kids that were there without chaperone went pretty wild. Those memories are what give me pause. Maybe I will change my mind as AppleKid gets a little older and has some BS experience, but right now it's a no.

    Along the lines of parent chaperones, how connected do boarding school parents get with each other for purposes of trusting your kid to go off with them? Are there differences between day and boarding parents? Of the three sets of parents of kids going to DC's school next year that we have had some connection with, we would feel comfortable with DC traveling/staying over with them. But not so sure about kids whose parents we've had no contact with at all.
  • gardenstategalgardenstategal Registered User Posts: 4,236 Senior Member
    @AppleNotFar , welcome to the world of "we've never met, but I understand that. .." conversations about plans that are often complicated. And given the different backgrounds of the kids, a weekend in Brooklyn could raise one set of concerns for a family from an urban area and a different set for the parents at home in Iowa. Our school did give parents the option of agreeing to certain rules for their homes and their guests, and you could then know if your child was going to a "safe" house,

  • SculptorDadSculptorDad Registered User Posts: 2,232 Senior Member
    edited August 2016
    I participated parties in high school. At beaches, someone's house without adults and playgrounds at nights. I do NOT want my daughter to be do the same. There are areas where I want my child to have different experiences than I had, whether or not I enjoyed those experiences.
    My guess is that BS kids will generally experience less of those than local private or public school kids.
  • vegas1vegas1 Registered User Posts: 399 Member
    @AppleNotFar having had multiple kids attend boarding school, we maintain the same communication with parents of their friends that we would have if they were home. A few examples: our youngest just attended her first concert with one of her boarding school friends. The other mom and I spoke by phone and reviewed their plans: where they were staying in NYC, the fact she was attending the concert with them and staying with the while they wandered the city. Same daughter just got back from visiting another boarding school friend in DC. The mom and I spoke via phone about the flights, activities etc...
    As we now live close to the kids school, we have hosted boarding school friends at our home. Some parents reach out and some don't. I hosted 6 of my sons friends on grad night a few years ago. Not one parent called to check on the plans.

    The bottom line is you get to maintain your preferences as a parent even while they are at school for activities
  • AppleNotFarAppleNotFar Registered User Posts: 1,046 Senior Member
    Thanks @vegas1! Your approach sounds spot on to me. :)

    Traveling to visit with friends is something AppleKid is hoping for, and we also look forward to reciprocating and getting to know some of these kids a little better too.
  • laenenlaenen Registered User Posts: 372 Member
    Out of all the concerts I have been to I have been lucky enough to find the sex thing going on. But there are certainly a lot of drugs.

    Just curious, does anyone drug test their children?
  • doschicosdoschicos Registered User Posts: 18,670 Senior Member
    If you are going to test your kids, ask yourself what your going to do about the results beforehand.

    Also realize that some more serious drugs can stay in one's system for only hours while relatively innocuous drugs like marijuana will stay in much longer. I've heard of teens who were routinely drug tested who moved from alcohol/marijuana to what I would consider stronger substances to avoid/minimize drug detection.
  • AppleNotFarAppleNotFar Registered User Posts: 1,046 Senior Member
    I've heard of teens who were routinely drug tested who moved from alcohol/marijuana to what I would consider stronger substances to avoid/minimize drug detection.

    Ugh! %-(
  • SculptorDadSculptorDad Registered User Posts: 2,232 Senior Member
    I think being able to tell marijuana smell is a good parental skill. It does have a unique and strong smell, whether it is consumed or just carried.
This discussion has been closed.