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My way of thinking, or my mother's...

Old-Glory50Old-Glory50 Registered User Posts: 6 New Member
edited August 2016 in Parent Cafe
As I am writing writing this, it is thankfully several hours later. I have been through situations like this before, plenty of them, unfortunately. I went to get some groceries of my own, certain items of my own preference, fruits and vegetables. Afterwards I went for a bike ride for a little while and had some drinks at a bar(I am 22 years old, yes it IS illegal for me to do so!) To get on to it, this obviously caused me to be a bit later than usual, and my mother just completely SNAPPED, as she has done before, and it escalated into an unpleasant confrontation. My question is, am I right to think such a response is unreasonable?
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Replies to: My way of thinking, or my mother's...

  • livinginLAlivinginLA Registered User Posts: 453 Member
    It depends. Did you have plans with her? Does she ask for communication when you are going to be late? I have a 20 year old living at home and we do have a hard time communicating our expectations.
  • Old-Glory50Old-Glory50 Registered User Posts: 6 New Member
    No, I did not have any plans with her, had this been the case, I most absolutely would have hurried home to be there in time. At he moment, I don't have a mobile phone, my mother is aware of this, and also that I like to go out after going for groceries, and that it's possible I could be home a little later.
  • Old-Glory50Old-Glory50 Registered User Posts: 6 New Member
    edited August 2016
    4-5 hours doesn't even come close to the amount of time I was gone, an amount of time I am usually gone for anyway.
  • Old-Glory50Old-Glory50 Registered User Posts: 6 New Member
    edited August 2016
    4-5 hours is not at all as long as I was gone, 3 hours, at an absolute max!
  • intparentintparent Registered User Posts: 34,200 Senior Member
    Does she pay the mortgage? Was she expecting you for a meal or something? Get a cheap pay as you go phone and keep her in the loop if you change your plans and will be late. Or pay for your own place where you can come and go as you like.
  • panpacificpanpacific Registered User Posts: 1,301 Senior Member
    Two words: move out.
  • PrimeMeridianPrimeMeridian Registered User Posts: 1,224 Senior Member


    If you want to be treated like an adult, then act like an adult. That includes exercising the basic, common courtesy of communicating to your parents that you're going to be out a bit later if they have the reasonable expectation that you're just out briefly to pick up a few groceries. If you don't have a phone, then get one.

    If you don't want the hassle of dealing with accommodating your parents' feelings, then don't live with them. You're 22 years old!!! Being supported by parents comes with strings attached. If you don't like it, then move out. At 22, I was poor but entirely self-supporting.




    And why, in particular, are you posting this on the Prep School Parents thread?




  • fallenchemistfallenchemist Honorary Super Mod Posts: 25,129 Inactive
    edited August 2016
    I have to say this thread makes me wonder if it is just a story.
    Afterwards I went for a bike ride for a little while and had some drinks at a bar(I am 22 years old, yes it IS illegal for me to do so!)
    Did you mean to say legal, viv-a-vis the drinking age, or was illegal correct and you are saying you went over the limit and were DUI on your bicycle, which I can only assume is a violation. I am also assuming "bike ride" means bicycle, since no one I know would refer to a motorcycle trip that way. I also wonder about stopping for drinks with bags of fresh produce in the summer. And the third red flag, for me at least, is not having any kind of mobile phone. That would put you in a distinct minority in general, and a minuscule subset for people using this website.

    Would be curious to see all of that explained. It could be reasonable, of course, but in sum seem odd, at least to me.
  • PrimeMeridianPrimeMeridian Registered User Posts: 1,224 Senior Member
    I went to get some groceries of my own, certain items of my own preference, fruits and vegetables
    I also wonder about stopping for drinks with bags of fresh produce in the summer.

    Maybe the OP's "own preference" is canned. :^o

  • romanigypsyeyesromanigypsyeyes Registered User Posts: 33,649 Senior Member
    I'd guess the OP meant legal. Just a typo/mindslip.

    Why was your mom angry? What did she snap about?

    Is there a reason you're still living at home? Are you and your mom bill sharing or is it all on her dime?
  • oldfortoldfort Registered User Posts: 22,018 Senior Member
    I don't know why I read it as OP went grocery shopping, dropped the groceries off then went for a bike ride, which would have been perfectly reasonable.

    I wonder if OP's mom was mad that OP went to a bar in the middle of day when he/she had said he/she was going for a bike ride.

    D2 is living at home while working for 2 years. We had some adjustments to make initially. I "flipped out" few weeks ago when she was out much later than I expected and she wasn't answering my text. After we talked it over, we decided in the future she would text me at midnight to let me know she was alive and when she was coming back, so if I were to wake up in the night I could just read her text.
  • techmom99techmom99 Registered User Posts: 2,867 Senior Member
    My first assumption was that the OP did go to ride a motorcycle. Therefore, the groceries could have been put into a saddle bag. My H has been riding since he was 16 and 4 our of my 5 kids have licenses as well and so do several of their friends. They all refer to it as bike riding. When they take out their bicycles, they say they are riding the bicycle. Bike refers to motorcycle.

    I also was unclear on the illegal v. legal comment and if the OP made a typo. They happen quite often...

    As for the core issue, if this is something the OP does frequently - go for a short errand and then add a long bike ride, s/he should say to mom that they are going shopping but may also hang out before coming home and don't worry if I am not back until x time. As a parent, I expect my children to let me know in general terms when they expect to be home. I also give my kids the same courtesy. When I go out, I try to give them a general estimate of when I expect to be back.

    The OP should consider getting a go phone of some sort. This way, s/he could reach mom and avoid the arguments that they seem to be having. Moving out seems a bit extreme if this is one of only a few issues with the mom.
  • CTTCCTTC Registered User Posts: 2,189 Senior Member
    Probably not a good idea to be riding a bike after a "few drinks" at a bar.
  • PizzagirlPizzagirl Registered User Posts: 40,488 Senior Member
    "Well, if someone I was living with - child, spouse, regardless of age - left the house with the intention of a quick shopping trip and then was gone for many hours, I would be worried and concerned about them and that worry would cause me to be a bit POed when they finally showed up."

    Me too. My 24 yo son is now living at home looking for jobs and applying to grad school, and he leaves us a note on the kitchen table with his (general) whereabouts for the day so we don't worry. It's common courtesy when you live with someone.
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