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Boarding Schools and sex

1246

Replies to: Boarding Schools and sex

  • SculptorDadSculptorDad Registered User Posts: 2,136 Senior Member
    edited October 2017
    The logic is that, "very" young girls often don't really want any type of sexual relationship at all due to their hormones working differently, whether the girl is a virgin or with plenty of actual experience. They just want the emotional relationship. Often they do it just to watch a movie together afterward. If they are happier giving blows than intercourse as a tool for keeping the emotional relationship they want, I guess it's their (smart) choice. Aside birth control, there still are less physical risk and less psychological risk as they invest less.

    I don't see unfairness of one-sided pleasure too big a problem because it's not that boys would normally object if girls wanted more.

    All the more reason that I and my wife are appreciating mine in a all girls school, more as time goes and now she physically looks like an adult.
  • SculptorDadSculptorDad Registered User Posts: 2,136 Senior Member
    edited October 2017
    hetero or same sex - goes on at single sex schools.
    Statically, there are significantly, like 7% versus 93% in one study, less chances.
    Moreover, being not mainstream culture, it doesn't make kids in all girls/boys school to participate in (same) sexual relationship just to be socially accepted, which I think is more unhealthy than giving blows instead of intercourse.
  • gardenstategalgardenstategal Registered User Posts: 4,051 Senior Member
    ^^ Good for you, @AppleNotFar. Not only can it feel awkward, there is a lot of murkiness is it. For a long time, no meant no. Until it became clear that not no didn't mean yes. So yes means yes became a better standard. But yes now may not mean yes in 15 minutes. Is intoxicated yes = sober yes?

    And is sex with no ties really possible? Should both parties expect pleasure?

    It's not all so clear.... sigh..
  • SculptorDadSculptorDad Registered User Posts: 2,136 Senior Member
    edited October 2017
    In my personal view, parents should learn how their kids think nowadays. Or else our advises sound uninformed and fails to be accepted.

    Youtube is full of clips young but brave kids explaining these issues, to help other kids if not to adults. You can find them by searching "14 girl / boy," with "safe search turned ON" since we are not pervert and (felony) criminal.
  • doschicosdoschicos Registered User Posts: 18,250 Senior Member
    "The logic is that, "very" young girls often don't really want any type of sexual relationship at all due to their hormones working differently, whether the girl is a virgin or with plenty of actual experience. They just want the emotional relationship. "

    I don't agree with this. Females are very sexual, too. We might approach arousal differently but I feel it is inaccurate to say that girls don't look for the sexual part of a relationship. I feel that historically society conditioning has tried to push that but it isn't true in practice.

    As far as oral sex, there are physical risks with STDs, for sure. Maybe even greater risk as it is less likely that a protective device like a condom will be used. I think the current generation of teens has received the message about condoms for intercourse and they are often readily available.


    "I don't see unfairness of one-sided pleasure too big a problem because it's not that boys would normally object if girls wanted more."

    Teen males most certainly do object. It can be very one-sided driven by males' willingness to get but not give.


    "Should both parties expect pleasure?"

    IMO, yes. What are young women learning from or benefitting from in a one-sided hookup? How can that be good?
  • SculptorDadSculptorDad Registered User Posts: 2,136 Senior Member
    @doschicos,

    I feel that it's different to each kids, and at each age.

    At age 14, which is my daughter's I feel that my view is closer to the reality. Maybe I will agree with you more when she becomes older.

    About teen males objecting intercourse, if it is true however unbelievable, it shows how uninformed I am for kids these days. Granted my research has been focused on girls at my daughter's age only.
  • doschicosdoschicos Registered User Posts: 18,250 Senior Member
    Not objecting to intercourse, objecting to performing oral sex on females. I think you misunderstood my comment, @SculptorDad.

    I've raised both a son and a daughter. We live in a home with very open discussions. Nothing is taboo. Additionally, we've been the house where groups of kids like to hang/sleep over. I've heard a lot over the years.
  • Nico.campbellNico.campbell Registered User Posts: 727 Member
    Let me say that even in a grade full of 14 and 15 year olds, the hookup (not necessarily blatant sex) culture is already very real. And let me say that interestingly enough, it is often the girls who initiate it rather than guys... The other day in one of my club meetings we were discussing how the Choate administration has addressed the hookup culture in the past, and they seem to generally acknowledge what happens and simply try their best to educate and protect (seminars, condoms in the health center).

  • SculptorDadSculptorDad Registered User Posts: 2,136 Senior Member
    By the way, here is an article that shows how smart and responsible teens have evolved;

    https://rewire.news/article/2014/03/25/golden-age-teen-sexual-responsibilty/
  • AppleNotFarAppleNotFar Registered User Posts: 1,046 Senior Member
    @GnarWhail thanks for the best 10 seconds of my week :))

    and thanks for the link @SculptorDad, I sent it to kiddo just as a quick “be responsible” check-in.
  • doschicosdoschicos Registered User Posts: 18,250 Senior Member
    I do think kids are better educated about safe sex and have more accessibility to condoms and hence the pregnancy rate has dropped. Talking about it pragmatically is key, IMO. Be careful who you vote for as that will be replaced with a message of abstinence which doesn't work.

    As far as sexual activity among the sub-group of boarding school students, again, the Andover survey is likely a good proxy for coed schools as a whole.
  • Golfgr8Golfgr8 Registered User Posts: 513 Member
    @GnarWhail - The only thing that surprises me about this thread is that the kids have time for it!!! Somehow I find that comforting ....while jumping from the "stressed out" and "no time for anything" threads....Haven't thought of Aunt PittyPat since I was last @ Augusta- Thanks for making my week 8-> :)) :D
  • roycroftmomroycroftmom Registered User Posts: 1,201 Senior Member
    The link to the survey was very helpful. Disturbing, but helpful.
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