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Visitation/Intimate Relationships Policies

momof3nycmomof3nyc 136 replies17 threads Junior Member
Hoping to get a little more info on how different schools handle these issues. Some members of the Exeter student body are upset at the new visitation policies announced in the handbook (namely, the policy forbidding sleepovers by friends from different dorms - only day student affiliates of a dorm will be allowed to spend the night), as well as the policy that forbids what some are referring to as “dormcest” - “relationships among dormitory residents and/or day student affiliates may not be intimate, sexual, or exclusive in nature.” Members of the student community had long complained that the visitation policies were too heteronormative; it now seems the school has responded with a big swing in the opposite direction, and some kids are upset that the school is forbidding relationships.
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Replies to: Visitation/Intimate Relationships Policies

  • roycroftmomroycroftmom 4619 replies40 threads Senior Member
    Seems the easiest way to minimize legal complications and claims of harassment, rape, etc.
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  • ProudDramaMamaProudDramaMama 44 replies2 threads Junior Member
    I hadn't seen this. Is the new policy really suggesting that kids who live in the same dorm can't date? They stay in the same dorms for all four years, right? If I'm reading it correctly, this seems outlandish.
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  • dogsmama1997dogsmama1997 481 replies30 threads Member
    So at first I read that as basically no sex of any kind, as in just because it’s not hetero doesn’t mean it isn’t covered by this rule. But when I re read it the “exclusive” relationships suggests no dating within a dorm. That seems insane. I mean how can that be a thing that’s regulated? I get regulating sex but dating?
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  • twinsmamatwinsmama 1692 replies55 threads Senior Member
    That policy seems odd and extreme to me. I do think sex should be against the rules at boarding school, but "exclusive" relationships?? How do they intend to regulate the human heart? (Or even the teenage heart LOL...)
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  • skieuropeskieurope 41111 replies7749 threads Super Moderator
    I don't know how it is these days, but in my day, for most, exclusive relationships were what... a week? 2 weeks? LOL
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  • gardenstategalgardenstategal 6722 replies10 threads Senior Member
    But @skieurope , why penalize serial monogamists?!
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  • skieuropeskieurope 41111 replies7749 threads Super Moderator
    But @skieurope , why penalize serial monogamists?!

    I'm not saying that the policy (at least the "exclusive" part as reported here) isn't stupid - it is. It's just that the potential "intimate/sexual" component is probably exponentially larger than the "exclusive" component, although the first can be a subsection of the second.
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  • gardenstategalgardenstategal 6722 replies10 threads Senior Member
    I meant it as a joke, @skieurope. As in, "I am not promiscuous. I just am in a different exclusive relationship every day." (I am funnier in person. Really!)
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  • CaliMexCaliMex 2248 replies35 threads Senior Member
    @gardenstategal I hope I have the opportunity to someday verify whether or not you are funnier in person, perhaps over drinks when one of us is visiting the opposite coast. I promise to report back.
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  • RedLionessRedLioness 178 replies2 threads Junior Member
    @momof3nyc well the Exeter students don't seem to be planning to stay quiet; I recently got emailed a survey regarding the V policy. I'm fairly sure that this isn't the end of change to the policy.
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  • dogsmama1997dogsmama1997 481 replies30 threads Member
    School has barely started and I've already been informed that there's plenty of sex. Apparently, the seniors on the team freely chatted about what goes on with the new kids. When I asked how, weren't there rules about different genders in the room? I got a shrug and was told, "well they're all having sex so I guess it's not that well regulated."
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  • doschicosdoschicos 26852 replies270 threads Senior Member
    edited September 2019
    Sure, there are rules. Teenagers often don't follow rules, at home or away. This isn't new. i went to boarding school in the 80s and this stuff went on back then , too. Not everyone engages, of course, but a decent percentage of older students do.
    edited September 2019
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  • CateCAParentCateCAParent 610 replies7 threads Member
    I have heard rumors that in some schools it is a thing to use Harkness tables for something other than riveting class discussions. Eeeeew.

    Teens will find a way.

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  • GoatMamaGoatMama 1378 replies12 threads Senior Member
    @CateCAParent I can't unsee this.
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  • CateCAParentCateCAParent 610 replies7 threads Member
    @goatmama, I'm sorry! I have been walking around with that little nugget of trauma in my head for a year.

    I hovered over the post button a bit, knowing I would be inflicting pain. But this board is for support, right? ;) I appreciate you all being there for me.

    At least we know it isn't any of OUR kids. Right? Please?
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  • ChoatieMomChoatieMom 5830 replies271 threads Senior Member
    And the rumors about the creativity in the Ceramics building at Choate are just that.
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  • CateCAParentCateCAParent 610 replies7 threads Member
    That’s why these kids like ceramics so much! It’s all starting to make sense.
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