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Discussing Admissions Results with your child

kraordrawohkraordrawoh Registered User Posts: 593 Member
edited March 2010 in Prep School Parents
Now that the moment of truth approaches, the big question is how to handle the process as a family. My D wants to see everything first. I had figured that my wife and I would learn the results and then present them with any necessary diplomacy, encouragement, enthusiasm that might be warranted. THEN, assuming that results are positive and there are high quality choices, how do we handle the discussion? I figured we might set up a "scoring grid" and evaluate the schools quantitatively before deciding which if any revisits to do. Maybe this is bureaucratic, but the decision is important and a huge amount of work has gone into being accepted at a variety of schools in the first place. THOUGHTS?
Post edited by kraordrawoh on

Replies to: Discussing Admissions Results with your child

  • Mainer95Mainer95 Registered User Posts: 361 Member
    Have you considered just having a family celebration dinner? :)
  • neatoburritoneatoburrito Registered User Posts: 3,449 Senior Member
    That's what we're planning - no matter the outcome.
  • BlueRaven1BlueRaven1 Registered User Posts: 2,109 Senior Member
    I only get a dinner if I get in :(. Otherwise, I guees I'll have to start coming to terms with my local HS. Wow, I feel terrible just thinking about it. Een though in theory I know that I did my best, tested well and if they dom't want me than it's theire loss my life is far from over. I know I'm not a parent but I told my mom that I'm looking first and they're fine with that.
  • takeitallintakeitallin Registered User Posts: 3,378 Senior Member
    I don't understand why you would not let your D see the results first. Part of the whole process of going to college is learning that you are not going to get everything you want and that includes that the whole admissions thing might not be "fair." Your daughter is not 5 years old and should experience both the excitement and the disappointment of her application results! After all, her parents will not be with her next year to filter out the bad things that happen. Give her some credit- she will be able to handle it. She has earned the right to open her own envelopes!
  • PeriwinklePeriwinkle Registered User Posts: 3,505 Senior Member
    Send your daughter to school. If any envelopes arrive, put them to one side, for her to open when she gets home. If they're all small, think envelopes, be prepared to console her. If there are a mixture of small and large envelopes, put the large envelopes on the top of the pile.

    Do not open the envelopes for her. This is her moment, not yours.
  • Sadie2Sadie2 Registered User Posts: 369 Member
    Takeitallion - this is the boarding school forum - not college applications
  • takeitallintakeitallin Registered User Posts: 3,378 Senior Member
    Sorry- I missed that. But I do have a high school freshman and would definitely let him open the envelopes also!
  • kraordrawohkraordrawoh Registered User Posts: 593 Member
    I'm still thinking about the right approach. We're talking about a 13 year old after all. We're in NYC so she's already had to watch classmates go through this with the independent day schools and specialized high schools, but it's a tough thing at such a young age. Also, several of the schools are going to post online, so it's not so easy as just creating a stack of mail, steaming/resealing etc. LOL ;-)
  • kraordrawohkraordrawoh Registered User Posts: 593 Member
    I totally agree with the special dinner either way, though.
  • skisoccer2014skisoccer2014 Registered User Posts: 169 Junior Member
    As a student applying to boarding school, I would wish for my parents to let me fine the results out by myself. After all, I am the applicant, and I was the one who filled out the application; not them.

    And for the "chart": this is a very subjective process, and that will be an objective way of going about things. A large portion of applicants already have their mind made up on their favorite boarding school and have set "second" and "third" choices. I suggest you help her only if she asks.
  • PeriwinklePeriwinkle Registered User Posts: 3,505 Senior Member
    kraordrowah, it will be an emotional day, no matter what her results are. Some schools posted results at 6 am last year, and some posted results later in the day.

    If it's a large envelope, your daughter's been accepted. If she needs financial aid, you won't know if she'll be able to go until the financial aid decisions reach you.

    I would recommend that you postpone making final decisions until you've taken the opportunity to attend revisit days.
  • ThacherParentThacherParent Registered User Posts: 842 Member
    Agree completely with Periwinkle.

    The time to discuss admission, rejection and deferral is now. Do your best to let your child know that the love and respect you feel for her will not be increased, lessened or changed in any way by acceptance or rejection. Then, in my view, it's up to her to process the news as well as she can. She owns that process from start to finish. As long as she knows in advance that you won't be more or less proud of her, she'll be able to adjust successfully to any size envelope.
  • neatoburritoneatoburrito Registered User Posts: 3,449 Senior Member
    Thank you, ThacherParent for this:
    As long as she knows in advance that you won't be more or less proud of her, she'll be able to adjust successfully to any size envelope.

    I read that and thought, "My goodness, I don't know if my son realizes this. I really don't."

    I think we will all go out to dinner on TUESDAY instead of Wednesday.
  • GemmaVGemmaV - Posts: 288 Junior Member
    I wholeheartedly agree with ThacherParent. Have the discussion NOW, before the news comes. Then let your child open his/her envelopes or check his/her decision online himself/herself.

    My office purposefully addresses each decision letter to the APPLICANT, not to the applicant's parents.

    If he/she is not mature enough to handle opening an envelope, he/she is not mature enough to go to boarding school for four years.
  • emdeeemdee Registered User Posts: 481 Member
    My d wanted to find out if she was accepted to her first choice without us being around. I objected and thought we should do it together. She said no, we had a fight, and she went to bed...or so I thought. At some point she got up, checked on line and learned she was wait listed. She did not say anything to us and was obviously and reasonably upset, but went to bed and dealt with it alone.

    I checked after I thought she was asleep and also learned she was wait listed. I was upset, because I thought she would be disappointed. My husband and I did not sleep the entire night. We were so sure she would be accepted to this school, so the wait list was a shock. I started to think we were in for a loooong March 10th.

    When she got up the next morning, without knowing what the other knew, we decided we would check SPS together. She was accepted, and all was right in the world. She went to school knowing she was in at one school and didn't care if I checked the other schools or not. I think I sent her a few texts about other acceptances during the day.

    If I had to do it all over, I would let her check the first school by herself, without a fight. She probably would have told us immediately that she was wait listed. We could have commiserated with her over the wait list and given her words of encouragement, instead of her dealing with the disappointment alone. I kept telling her through out the process that a rejection was not the end of the world, that she had other options and that we were proud of her, regardless of what happened on March 10. I wish we would have taken her out to dinner on March 9, to celebrate a job well done.
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