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Please Grade my January SAT Essay?

packerfan12packerfan12 9 replies7 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 16 New Member
Can you guys please grade my SAT Essay from the January test from 1-12 and give me your input?

Is it wise to be suspicious of the motives or honesty of other people, even those who appear to be trustworthy?

In a world filled with robbery, adultery and deceit it seems hard not to be suspicious of the motives and intentions of those around us, but at the same time we must all possess the ability to trust those who are closest to us. Because without trust, as complicated as it may sometimes be, nobody would achieve anything in this world.

For example, if Harper Lee had never trusted his editors and publishing company when he wrote To Kill a Mockingbird, then the novel would have never been published. If Michael Jordan had never trusted his teammates enough to pass them the ball, he would have never won six championships.

These two examples support the general thesis that while it may sometimes be hard to trust people in this corrupt world we live in, trust is necessary in order to achieve greatness. Because without trust, nobody would ever have enough hubris to pursue their dreams alone.

They say happiness is not real unless it is shared, and in order for us to build a happy existence together, we must first trust each other enough to do so. Although it may sometimes be safer to question people's motives, those who achieved true greatness never did. And Michael Jordan and Harper Lee certainly aren't the exception, they're the rule.

If you see people for their best intentions you may sometimes be hurt, but it's the only way you can achieve great things.

Please don't hold back, this was my first ever SAT Essay and I certainly don't think it's my best work, so your honest opinion would really mean a lot. I received an 8 for it.
edited February 2012
4 replies
Post edited by packerfan12 on
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Replies to: Please Grade my January SAT Essay?

  • dirkslam41dirkslam41 693 replies39 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 732 Member
    I say it's an 8 as well. Your examples work; however, you barely provided an explanation for them. After Harper Lee or whatever, you jumped straight to Michael Jordan the next sentence. You have to expand and explain your examples much much more. You didn't use any strong transitions such as furthermore, in comparison, on the contrary, in summation, on a final note, etc. You need to use SAT style words to support the point you're making such as buttress or advocate. When presenting a different opinion, you undermine or detract.

    Overall, it's a pretty good start!

    (coming from a guy who got an 11 on the same essay topic in January :D)
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  • BbubbleBbubble 1 replies0 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 1 New Member
    Harper Lee is a woman. I second the 8. Keep up the good work.
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  • 2400Man2400Man 140 replies34 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 174 Junior Member
    I third the 8( maybe a 9). I liked how your examples came from two totally different worlds! The worst thing about the essay was that you didn't explain your examples at all! You must provide your commentary on the topic and try to bring it all back to your thesis.
    This was very good for a first try! Next time, you'll get a 12!
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  • booker4booker4 1 replies0 discussionsRegistered User Posts: 1 New Member
    i got an 8 on this question and i'm in 7th grade
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